Are ex-SPs potential relationship material?

[smackyo]

I settled down twice and I was honest before each relationship commenced. I was a great partner. Both my ex's want me back...but, it doesn't seem to work "well" when a man knows his partner was an escort.

Quite frankly, if I am going to put aside a career wherein I am making a considerable income and dedicate myself to one partner in the role of housewife (meaning: management of the household resources, and maker of great tasty things and planner of activities etc..) I expect to be supported.

When I work I have no time for a relationship. I work and think like a man.

If I am the principle wage earner of the house then when I arrive home I want: my meal cooked, my house clean and my partner well groomed and happy. I want intelligent discussion and I never want to see someone on their ass drinking coffee while I am sweating out some household repair/gardening etc...

So many times I wished I was a lesbian and had a wife. I could have really done well for myself with a partner at home attending to all the little details and allowing me to focus on bringing in the income. If I had someone like "Aunt Bea" from the "Andy Griffith Show" I would worship the ground she walked on...

Seems to me that it doesn't matter who your SO is or was, after the first flush of ecstasy wears off it is more important that you both know YOUR JOB in the relationship...cause it's work! that's what it is...and jobs are fun if you aren't working alongside a slack ass pooch screwer!

Whew! my two bits!

i agree with how you've defined your roles to an extent. if one person is being "supported" financially then yes i think they should shoulder most of the burden of the house/family. however the principal wage earner should lend a hand with what they can do, most notably at the very least picking up after themselves and not being a pig.

where i disagree, and if i've interpreted it wrong please correct me. but i feel that just because one person brings home more money if both partners work, that shouldn't mean that the one that earns less takes on all the house hold comings and goings. if both people work an equal or close to equal amount of hours then they should both pitch and equal amount to the house/family and the running of it.

example - if i was to work construction say and i work 9 hour days every day, you remained an sp and saw one or maybe 2 clients a day at say $200 to $300 dollars for two one hour sessions. now for me after 9 hours of work plus add the commute time and it ends up being a 10.5 to 11 work day, chances are that yes you've made more money then i have but do you really think its fair to ask me to take on all the house hold chores because you made more money in those two hours????

like i said if i'm wrong i apologize and please feel free to set me straight.

 

[LowerMainlander]

My last SO...

used to be an SP.

When we were together it was the happiest I can remember being with ANYone. We just fit with each other. In fact, I really cannot imagine being with anyone else at all, nevermind being as happy.

Current status is: in limbo as she had to move back east to fight a custody battle for her kids against an ex.

My point is that while there are certain obvious differences between SPs and women in...less taboo jobs SPs are people, and women too and there really isn't any reason why they cannot be "relationship material". Granted, the pressures of having an SP as an SO are not for everyone, but if she's no longer in the biz, there's no reason why she should continue to be shackled by the stigma of the profession.

 

[Krustee]

Quite frankly, if I am going to put aside a career wherein I am making a considerable income and dedicate myself to one partner in the role of housewife (meaning: management of the household resources, and maker of great tasty things and planner of activities etc..) I expect to be supported.

If I am the principle wage earner of the house then when I arrive home I want: my meal cooked, my house clean and my partner well groomed and happy. I want intelligent discussion and I never want to see someone on their ass drinking coffee while I am sweating out some household repair/gardening etc...
...and jobs are fun if you aren't working alongside a slack ass pooch screwer!

Whew! my two bits!

Well you & I should hook up mimi cuz I don't mind working for a gal as long as she don't mind vacuuming & polishing the floors, scrubbing the toilet, wiping down the shower, cleaning the windows, cooking the meals, washing the dishes & bringing me beer when I ring the bell.

You may find that slightly difficult as I'm constantly requesting blowjobs, grabbing your ass & milking your moo bags.

You might also find it difficult to do your daily chores when I keep you up all night licking, sucking & playin hide the salami with your pink kitty.

So lemme know when ya wanna hook up!

 

[mimi]

Yikes! Sounds like the old boobs would get bent outta shape pretty quickly Krusty! As for all the sex...if a guy settles down for one woman only, then it is her responsibility to make sure he gets what he needs and if she cannot supply everything all the time (like time out for childbearing, and very tuff to juggle with little kiddies) then she should take a page outa the Japanese system, where a husband has a wife at home dealing with his family and a concubine on the side handling...well...handling!

hmmmm...you make housecleaning sound bad! Most women I know love to take care of their houses...as long as the sofa isn't bending under a gaseous fixed object with an intravenous hooked to a beer can! And you wouldn't be able to stay up late...you'd have your belly full of Southern fried chicken and pecan mashed potatoes with gravy, or prime rib with yorkies and a bottle of red wine...you'd be snoring like a cat after the cream!

Smackyo: yes, I agree, and it is a one sided look at a relationship based on a typical married with kids and a wife at home...most relationships these days are more like roommates, but, this doesn't last after the babies arrive and the women are still trying to be equal breadwinners. I have two friends who are working themselves to death in this situation, trying to be everything and what they are is exhausted...relationship with the hubby platonic, no energy for sex, no real mutual respect because there is the sniping about who is doing more....very sad. It didn't work for me either, I figured I was more of a single mother living with a guy and he took more energy to deal with than the kids, so the kids came first.

The point I never got around to making was that it doesn't matter whether you are an SP (male or female, let's be equal on that) marriage is about how two people work together and divide up responsibility in a way that promotes profit and progress...like a business...and a business works best with people who are covering different aspects of the job, not people who are doing the same thing, then you have to hire more people to do the jobs that aren't getting done and you lose your profit. A bad marriage cause more damage than a stock market crash!

 

[addicted2lov]

so you're okay being with a violent sex offender? hey, he might feel that you don't need to know his past. i know, on the one hand we're talking about a damaging past and on the other hand we're talking about a damaging past, oh wait they're both damaging just in different degrees.

To compare a sex offender to an SP doesn't sound right to me ....

A sex offender, violent or not, is someone who can't control his sexual urges which is bad for himself and through this he is bad for the others. Regardless of the view of the society towards him, he is a danger for the others. If he can redeem himself and he tells you his past, good for him.

An SP is in essence someone who provides a certain type of service but it's not someone dangerous. Nobody forces you to see an SP if you don't want to. A sex offender is forcing you into something you don't want.

If you have fucked for money just once in your life you can still be called an SP and someone can throw that into you face anytime. But you haven't forced anybody to do something that didn't want, right? I don't really see the damage an SP does.

But nevertheless, this comparison proves how bad SP's are regarded and judged by the average Joe.

 

[Harmony-bc]

So you assume that because I chose this profession that in the future it is guaranteed that what I'm doing now is damaging to me?

No, sorry I vehemently disagree.

I've never experienced so much respect, praise and even- dare I say- love, since I started escorting. I've also never given so much in my life. This giving makes me feel incredible-- I am loving and caring for fellow human beings.. helping them realize good feelings and special moments... I am being my absolute best.

I do what I've always loved now, my favorite hobby, and get paid well for it.. isn't this what everyone wants? To love their work?


I'm also in better physical shape than I've been in a very long time. I'm happier in this work than I EVER have been in my previous career, and it wasn't some joe schmo job.. it was a decent salary plus commissions, car allowance, pension, expense account kind of job.. I happily gave that up to do this.

The only damage that is being done to me is that I will be utterly sad when I hang up my heels one day. But I will have many incredible memories and no regrets. I know deep in my heart I'm doing the right thing for me.

xoxo
Nina

Excellent answer, you shouldn't judge unless you've walked a mile in our stilettos!
Every one is different and handles everything differently.

 

[Small pleasures]

SPs are considered lazy money whores.

Love it. I'd write more but I'm busy lying around counting my millions, rolling around in piles of cash...kissing it. *Yawn* Typing takes up so much energy. I'm going to go watch the shopping channel.

 

[HB40]

Unfortunately you and a few others will leave this hobby undamaged. Most of the females who work in escorting have nightmares after they quit.

Is that a typo? Or are you saying you're disappointed if some leave undamaged?

I think most people have dreams about their jobs, waitresses probably have it the worst. I call them "workmares"

I've never experienced so much respect, praise and even- dare I say- love, since I started escorting.

I have nothing but admiration for you Nina, the work you do is to be commended and if I may be so bold....I love you!

 

[A.U.D.R.E.Y]

I've never experienced so much respect, praise and even- dare I say- love, since I started escorting. I've also never given so much in my life. This giving makes me feel incredible-- I am loving and caring for fellow human beings.. helping them realize good feelings and special moments... I am being my absolute best.

Great post. This sums up how I feel .

 

[hunsperger]

Unfortunately you and a few others will leave this hobby undamaged. Most of the females who work in escorting have nightmares after they quit.

I think this is the damage Kael was referring to.

I totally agree...

sex for money and money for sex is sad...

the selling of sex and the buying of sex is an empty experience...

and the people who partake in this activity are missing out on the most important thing in life...

love and caring...

 

[mimi]

Nina,

one of your letters posted on here about 3 yrs ago (?) was instrumental in lifting me from a very, deep depression. I don't remember it word for word, but, at the time I was feeling like the only healthy, non drug addicted escort in the city, and when I first bumped into Perb, most of the reviews were about sp.s who fit the typical agency profile of sloppy and boorish behaviour.

Where in the hell were all the wonderful career oriented women I had worked with in the '80's?

Anyway, seeing you on the board at that time lifted my spirits and made me realize I am not alone...

You are so right about caring and loving...what you put out is what you get back, whether escorting, or waitressing, or being on stage...

The way you run your business is an example of what it means to be "First Class", but, those men that choose to patronize broken down women for cheaper sex will never understand what you, or any of us, are saying.

For these few the motive for 'buying sex' is to use a woman's body as a vessel to masturbate into and then toss away....it seems to give some people a feeling of power.

 

[sales]

I totally agree...

sex for money and money for sex is sad...

the selling of sex and the buying of sex is an empty experience...

and the people who partake in this activity are missing out on the most important thing in life...

love and caring...

For me, being a 37 year old virgin when I entered into this hobby last year, I was not looking for love and caring from the ladies, but skill and confidence for myself. After going through a 3 month period at the start where I certainly did my share of sampling, I found that while it was quite eurphoric, I was not getting what I wanted from it.

At that point, I decided to limit myself to my 2 favourites and now I am getting better at the skill part, I have developed confidence (I actually have my first date tonight) and I have found 2 caring relationships with my 2 favourites. Both of them have had such a profound impact on who I have become over the last nine months that if I lived closer to them and they asked me out, I would not hesitate to say yes to either of them.

 

[tantalizeme]

I'm now clearer about a few things

I settled down twice and I was honest before each relationship commenced....but, it doesn't seem to work "well" when a man knows his partner was an escort.

Would I want to know my romantic partner is a former SP? Understandably, a woman might not want to bring this up during the early dating stages. But once she knows me for a few months and appreciates my sex-positive outlook, I'd hope she'd share this biographical detail. I respect and even admire women for the courage to do sex work.

Telling me would surely help me understand a few things better—like why she's both so damn good at sex and so damn blasé about it. Anyway, one's sexual attitude, and the experiences underlying it, are relevant in countless conversations and hard to suppress in the long run. It would hurt me and undermine trust if I later found out about her hushed-up SP past... So whatever the pitfalls here—it's hard for any man's ego to be a woman's 500th or 5000th sex partner—on balance I'd still prefer honesty.

If she married someone like you, she would do so on the understanding that she would continue to have to perform up to sp standards. Okay for making $$, maybe not so okay when raising 2 kids.

Would I want an ex-SP in a relationship to perform up to SP standards? Good question. Honestly, as a pooner (who doesn't want children), how could I not want that? But is it realistic? Of course not—another major reason to scrap the idea of entering a long-term committed relationship even with a retired SP. If whatever else a woman offers—companionship, conversation, validation—doesn't come with great sex, the opportunity costs of the relationship become immediately far too high, and the temptation to move on irresistible for me.

This concern about opportunity costs would, of course, be even stronger if she expects economic support: I'd inevitably keep wondering what the same cash might buy, for example, on a sex tour through Asia. For an ex-SP to expect generous economic support from a man is certainly reasonable IF he was the one to persuade her to abandon her lucrative career for the sake of a relationship with him. But THAT'S something I could absolutely never see myself doing—I was imagining all along a relationship with an ex-SP who had decided to quit sex work for reasons of her own.

 

[deslicher]

For myself, the answer to the original question would be No, I would not want to date an SP or ex SP, but to each their
own. I'm single and the only reason I do see someone occaisionally.....is because I'm single and crave some intimacy.

This post is interesting and you mirrored my immediate reply in your second paragraph. That's just it, I think most women at least fantasize about being an escort, who wouldn't.

You get to meet and fuck a variety of usually well established/educated men who actually pay you for it and it is most likely very pleasurable for you much of the time.

How the fuck would I be able to trust someone like that in a relationship...The answer, I can't.

However I'm glad that you have found your dream job


I've never experienced so much respect, praise and even- dare I say- love, since I started escorting. I've also never given so much in my life. This giving makes me feel incredible-- I am loving and caring for fellow human beings.. helping them realize good feelings and special moments... I am being my absolute best.

I do what I've always loved now, my favorite hobby, and get paid well for it.. isn't this what everyone wants? To love their work?

I'm also in better physical shape than I've been in a very long time. I'm happier in this work than I EVER have been in my previous career, and it wasn't some joe schmo job.. it was a decent salary plus commissions, car allowance, pension, expense account kind of job.. I happily gave that up to do this.

The only damage that is being done to me is that I will be utterly sad when I hang up my heels one day. But I will have many incredible memories and no regrets. I know deep in my heart I'm doing the right thing for me.

xoxo
Nina[/QUOTE]

 

[smackyo]

The way you run your business is an example of what it means to be "First Class", but, those men that choose to patronize broken down women for cheaper sex will never understand what you, or any of us, are saying.

For these few the motive for 'buying sex' is to use a woman's body as a vessel to masturbate into and then toss away....it seems to give some people a feeling of power.

while i agree with what you guys are saying for the most part, part of what you said here kinda touched a raw nerve with me. i do agree that what sp's do does do our society a positive service, having a bunch of pent up sexually frustrated men running the streets is not a good thing.

but i would like to say that although i choose to see more economically priced ladies i do not see it as "using a woman's body as a vessel to masturbate into and then toss away." i find that actually very unsulting. now i know you didn't mean me in particular but i'm sure there a lot of men out there that see the cheaper priced providers that are actually very decent people.

the reason i'm even in this hobby (which i've stated before) was to maintain a sense of emotional distance due to being absolutely devastated on three different occasions. i just never wanted to feel like that again so this way was easier. i could satisfy my physical sexual need as well as a bit of an emotional need of having that human touch. now that doesn't mean that i didn't treat these women with the utmost respect and dignity. i was quite nice to these women, often time bringing gifts or just trying to get to know them and talk to them a bit. they weren't to me a pocket pussy at least.

in my situation it just makes more sense to see some of these women that are a little more "economical". i can't in my head justify spending $300 plus for an hour of someone's time when i'm still at a point in my life where i'm half way decent looking, young (younger at least), personable and from what i've been told very charismatic in social situations, where with a little bit of work i could pick up a girl at a club, pub or book store or something. its really not that hard but along with that comes the emotional stuff sometimes and the morning after, and i don't want to deal with that right now.

i'm really not trying to sound like an asshole here and like i said i do agree that sp's to provide a valuable service but before you say that its all about love and giving, just remember that you do indeed charge a very premium price for all that "love and giving". there are a lot of nurses, teachers, social workers and people that work with people with special needs that put a lot of love and giving into their work and provide a valuable service to society but i'm sure don't make $300 an hour. many of them struggle to make ends meet.

anyway i'm sorry if i'm going off the handle here and taking what you said as something you didn't mean. but i don't like to feel attacked if i choose to spend between $120 - $200 max and made to feel like i'm using women as a masturbating tool and throwing them away.

 

[Krustee]

This giving makes me feel incredible-- I am loving and caring for fellow human beings.. helping them realize good feelings and special moments... I am being my absolute best.

I do what I've always loved now, my favorite hobby, and get paid well for it.. isn't this what everyone wants? To love their work? xoxo
Nina

Wow!
I just had a "special moment" when I read that.

I happen to hold down two " real " jobs right now!!!! Why ??? because I like to work hard, and feel like I have done something at the end of the day. Im not one to park my toosh all day and slump around. I could escort if I wanted to. I still get emails all the time.

But at the moment Im choosing something else

I think you are wasting your time in those dead end jobs!

You should cum to your senses, throw those silly safety shoes away & put on a nice pair of stiletto's!

Get back to what yer good at!

In case you forgot I can help you remember!

DONT EVER FU** ALL OF US IN A BOX, WITHOUT HOT FUDGE & WHIPPING CREAM!
AND SLAP A CHERRY ON IT!


tianna

Fixed that fer ya.

Great post. This sums up how I feel .

Are you sure that is how you really feel?

Or do you just feel Soft, warm, fuzzy & comforted by the familiar words?

Is the glass half full or half empty in your world?

Is it even a glass at all?

Could it be a mug with a dark stout in it billowing with a nice light tan head releasing it's energy with each burst of the tiny bubbles as they reach the top as if to declare to the whole world that they are alive, effervescently anouncing themselves with a joyous melody of fizzy fun frivolity furtively fascinating the fortuitous frocked friar fondling the frosty flagon?

Nah!

 

[deslicher]

Smackyo, that was a brilliant post, I'm sort of in the same boat, although probably not quite as young or charismatic.

I'd just like to say there is no doubt that there are asshole men out there taking advantage of down on their luck people, I'd like to kick all of those guys in the teeth.

Men and Women it seems, will always be in a power struggle.......but who says it's a struggle? In reality it's a fucking "tap-out" with women being the winner most of the time. It's called being "pussy whipped" ever hear that term before people? It disgusts me. Controlling men disgust me just as much.

A little off topic, but if there were more men with nuts(respectful yet assertive) then REAL women would probably respect us more, the ones who don't will just move on to someone else they can control.

 

[BJhunter]

I just want a great blowjob at the end of the day!

 

[geek]

It seems awfully hypocritical to see and enjoy an SP's services but not be willing to have a relationship with one.

What about having a relationship with someone who is in the military, or is a janitor or a lawyer?

 

[Harmony-bc]

Thank you so much Mimi. When I read your post it felt so affirming as to why I am here. Why I write about my experiences. Why I try to influence attitudes.

The narrow minds out there would benefit from knowing that painting us all with the same brush is not only doing us a disservice, it is also bad for everyone. It perpetrates the stereotype.

Stereotyping is what helps to create racism and discrimination. We all know that hobbyists and providers are not the scum of the earth that society would have us believe.

I think it's interesting that smackyo responded as he did. Lovely and intelligently written. I think he presented his side beautifully. When I read the 'using a womans body as a vessel' comment I was applauding in my mind.. I really was! But smackyo is right. There ARE decent guys who just can't afford more and there ARE decent girls who are happy to take clients for a lower donation.

You know, the way I see it, is it is all about the INTENTION in your heart. If both the client and the provider have respect and decency for each other, there can never be anything wrong with the transaction.

Of course we know that is not always the case .. and the occurrence of the bad transactions increases the lower the price gets.

xoxo
Nina

Right on, great post!