That's the whole thing about this Tugela: most rapists are NOT sociopaths or freaks or sadistic predators. Most rapists are surprisingly like any other normal guy. There would be a lot less rapes happening if rapists were all creepy, soulless boogeyman types. They're not, most of them are the same as any other non rapist. That's the problem, they can't just be spotted and picked out if a crowd.
'A situation where it might happen' is....well, just about ANY situation where you might find yourself in the company of a person who is also a rapist. Kinda hard to narrow it down. I know, you meant the specific situation where girl is dressed an immodest way, has had a drink or two and is walking home at night, by herself, in a sketchy area.
Even if we ignore the fact that the only way to avoid that from ever happening, even with all the best of intentions, precaution etc..is to stay home wearing your pajamas - since we know that most rapes or sexual assaults don't actually happen that way (stranger in a dark alley) but rather in the women's home (or a home) by a person she knows, then wouldn't it make more sense to focus these kinds of 'prevention' efforts on *those* types of 'situations where (we know) it is (far more likely to) happen? Why only avoid situations where a minority of rapes occur and not work on preventing rapes where they occur most? With a person you know, on a date, at home, regardless of what ones wearing?
I mean, shouldn't a girl just avoid finding herself in a situation where she's alone, say, watching a movie with a guy she may or may not like because god forbid, his lust might overpower him and he might not resist raping her if she turns him down, or doesn't want to do any more than just make out or something? I mean, that lust... Shouldn't she just use common sense and know that she's playing with fire and should use precaution when it comes to teh lust?
You probably agree that its absurd to expect women to lock themselves at home, to avoid ever being alone w/ any man - close friends, acquaintance, date or whatever - to avoid finding herself in a situation where it might happen. Of course, women find themselves in this situation all the time, at all times of the day and with a wide range of types of men or motivations and rape never happens.
Of course, if it does happen, no one (decent) would even consider suggesting a woman should have known she was doing something careless or risky so she can't possibly be that surprised that she would get raped. Why the different attitude? Could it be that rapes happen because there are rapists, not because women are home watching a movie with a man? Rapes happen because there are rapists and not women who want to makeout or fool around without going too far? Could it be that rapes happen because there are rapists and not because there are women who go out on dates?
And if we all know that nothing of these situations actually play a real role in a woman getting raped and wouldn't imagine advising women to please use some common sense and avoid all these situations where rape might happen, why are we still convinced that if only she avoids dressing 'like a whore' and avoids those types of situations nice, reasonable, respectable and sensible girls just don't put themselves in (presumably only because they're at home getting raped on their own couch - but nevermind) because we all just know that is where it might happen?
All it is, is slut shaming, sexist bull crap. People think its totally reasonable and rationalize it very well because the sexism is so ingrained into our society, its so part of it that no one even questions it. A person who doesnt consider themselves sexist at all can utter those words without ever thinking there's anything sexist about it and thinking of it as no more than common sense.
So I don't think all of you who are convinced of the wisdom behind that 'advice' are misogynists but I think that if we had not all been so thoroughly conditioned to the sexist world we are a part of, it would be very clear to all of you as well just how absurd and yes, sexist, that 'advice' really is. Without consciously deciding to re-evaluate some long held beliefs, I don't think anything can crack that conditioning though, so I don't really think these debates ever accomplish much unfortunately.
Edit: just read Violet's post above: thanks for posting that article. Disturbing.
