Hey Virgil, are you double jointed?
Or how do you manage to stuff yer head up yer ass like that? I guess you learned to be pretty flexible by hiding in the closet while watching yer Uncle Billy Bob (who was also your father) pork your little sister while she screamed, "Stop Daddy, your crushing my smokes".
Remember to go to bed early tonight, Virgil. The newspaper strike is over, and you've got a lot of people expecting to get the morning edition on time. And if you deliver my copy late one more time, I'm gonna stuff a lit firecracker up yer hoo-hoo.