Guys, some of you are already aware and practice the below, however not to point any fingers but there are a lot of you on Perb who don’t –because I’ve seen you. I can only say, thank god you paid me because if you didn’t you would never have gotten on the diamond rather than past 1st base with me in the real world. This is not to say that us ladies aren’t equally as gross and have been at some point in our lives. But if all of you got with the program than perhaps you’d have a better lay paid for or not… and don’t forget about a good attitude either… I know I run the risk of some kind rebuttal on here but just know it will be from those who actually have these hygiene/etiquette issues and are now offended and upset. All I have to say is I’ve never found a comprehensive guide on how to address these issues on here and quite frankly it’s time for everyone to get with the program since it’s 2007. Also you never get used to seeing people who reek or have a fixable body issue… it’s an unexpected job hazard that I wish I could charge more for on the spot. It’s like someone farting in the bathroom while holding the door shut trapping you in there unexpectedly torturing you… It’s not like you’re going to cancel the date once you notice his breath reeks like a piece of shit and he wants to go down on your clean pussy… and you start to imagine the itch you’ll get in a day or two after from his transferred bacteria… even if his breath is fresh it’s like what other hooker’s pussy was he munching 2 days ago and could she have had a yeast infection or a minor herpes breakout without telling him sighting the 2 bills much more important… Do you ever wonder why some girls don’t want a John going down on her? Apparently not and you figure a couple hundred bucks should cover your lazy hygiene or honest expectations out of hers. Yeah right because I and others now bitch about it and rather do without some of you. I am sure you felt the same way about an escort who bled all over you and decided to not wash herself between dates had a hairy crotch or whatever… But still at least they have an excuse of trying to fit you all in a day but you guys have all the time in the world to prep for your dates NOT having to take a client at all hours and several in a row for some, while still trying to have a life. So I’m going to be harder on the guys, but with no excuses that either party shouldn’t be able to put their best foot forward so that everyone’s happy.
1. Bad breath discolored teeth. Lack of brushing after a cigarette, drinking, eating or just poor hygiene in general.
Solution: Always brush your teeth for at least 5min in every nook and cranny as well as your tongue before seeing a lady. Try the disposable cheap vibrating brushes for an even better clean then finish off after rinsing with a good mouth wash as well as a good floss should time permit. Other causes of chronic bad breath are lack of saliva due to not drinking enough plain water thereby allowing mouth bacteria to increase, trapped stagnated food in deep crevices or behind the tonsils –see a dental hygienist, a poor diet lacking in nutrients and gastrointestinal disorders –see a doctor. Ever wonder why she won’t kiss you and moves her head to the side or as far away as possible to get away from your heavy breathing directly down on her face? Nothing ruins the moment more than thinking of a way to tell your client to brush and not gag for fresh air at the same time- even if your teeth are clean try not to fill her lungs with your used air while shes trapped beneath you.
2. Body odor. Excessive sweating, not using enough sudsy soap and hot water all over, not using a deodorant stick on the pits after a shower, wearing the same clothes after showering, eating the herb cumin in Indian food which easily comes out of the pours soon after eating, an over growth of bacteria on the body –use an antibacterial body soap, and a poor diet –read up on the subject.
Solution: Always wash your pits thoroughly with a good soap and lots of hot water, same with your scalp. Use a good stick deodorant on your pits right after showering and if you are sensitive to mainstream heavily scented deodorants then look more closely in the isle or in a health food store for a natural light fragranced or non-fragranced deodorant stick as well as soap. This stops the spread of bacteria for hours after your shower and keeps your clothing from the bacteria re-stinking you even after a wash. NEVER put on worn clothes after showering, you’ll end up re-stinking yourself. If you, like many men sweat profusely and stink quickly even after using a stick and soap, always take a shower right before getting intimate. Pay close attention to the ass crack and under the balls and even your feet where washing is usually done poorly and often over-looked. This is enough to make any woman going down on you wretch and wish she was anywhere else but with you if not for the $. If you really want to impress her, than get the lint and cheese out of your belly button delicately with a q-tip and soap. Lastly, if you are a rare one who is un-cut, do her a favor so she doesn’t pass out from a nasty smeg stench and roll back that foreskin to clean the friggen thing. You may think you smell great without soap and a stick, but remember; she is not you and not used to your “natural scent” and least of all wants it all over her without asking for it in an intimate situation… YUCK!
3. Unruly hair. Pubic hair that is longer than 2cm -3inches long crawling up your nose and in your eyes during a BJ. Pubic hair all shaved off resulting in scratchy, rough stubble and ingrown hairs. Course body hair, and shaved chests with scratchy stubble. A hairy back and excessively long hairy armpits, rock hard gel in the hair and unwashed greasy hair with dandruff and odor. Long nose hairs.
Solution: TRIM YOUR PUBES!!! And comb them to get loose ones out rather than them ending up in bed or on her. But don’t shave it all off with the exception of your balls. Shaving off all your pubes looks stupid like a wannabe porn star and leaves a nasty, dark rough stubble and sore red patches. Shaving the balls the day of your date will leave them smooth and enjoyable for your lady unless your hair there is trimmed short and soft. Trimming your pubes close but not right down to the base looks neat and tidy still leaving a nice manly frame around your cock. DON’T shave your chest! You’re a man not a pubescent fagot boy (just an expression -I love nice gay people they are the rare few in society that actually have something shoved up their asses without a horrible uptight attitude!). Just trim it down or invest in permanent laser hair removal. This way you will always be soft not rough from grow-out stubble which is not nice for a lady to rub her cheek against much less touch… I don’t know too many females who like hair on a man’s back or two inches of it on the shoulders. Look into permanent removal –not cheap) as the most final solution or have it removed professionally 2 days before your date. Caution, waxing can be painful and leave serious damage if done incorrectly. Opt instead for another treatment such as a removal cream or the latest safest treatment by a reputable salon. Your lady will thank you for it or never needs to know… If you have what looks like two taupe’s under your arms than it’s time to trim the jungle down –so at least you can get that pit stick up there! If you are having a war with dandruff or greasy hair try introducing a good enteric coated 1000mg fish oil in your diet and invest in a good expensive salon products addressing dandruff and oil. Greasy hair stinks even if you think it doesn’t. Do her a favor before being intimate –get off your lazy ass and wash it! For those accustomed to the comb over, stop it. It looks stupid, admit you’re bald and get it trimmed down to frame your face so you don’t look dated. If you wear a taupe, get rid of it they all look fake no matter what you think it looks like on you and women are good at spotting detail as it is. If you think you need to cement your style to a rock-hard immovable do, stop. She may want to run her hands through it, ever consider that?
4. Rough flaky skin or sunburned skin, zits on the back-ass, hanging tiny chunks of flesh at the pits and genitals and gross toe nails. There is nothing worse than trying to massage a man who has sand paper flaky skin. Even worse, one that has a big distracting nasty deep blackhead(s) on the back that is just screaming to be popped. Those weird little balls of hanging flesh that seem to hang from mainly from the pit area and around the inner thighs up near the genitals. These are freakish and unsightly. Do men not look at themselves in the mirror to spot these things and get rid of them out of embarrassment? Apparently some do not, yet so easy to get rid of!
Solution:Look in the f-ing mirror at yourself for once!!! Cheap; do-it-yourself buy an exfoliation scrub mitt to use in the shower first, then after showering use an alpha-hydroxy skin smoother (get product info from www.paulaschoice.com) and finish with a quality rich heavy moisturizing putty balm. Use a quality 30+ sunscreen to avert from the flakes from burns and keep it on hand as a routine to apply after showering before going in the sun. Added benefits, no skin cancer and wrinkles much less rough dry skin. Expensive; book an appointment at a reputable spa to get fixed up and sent home with good products. Have a professional dig those blackheads out that have most likely been there for years… start scrubbing your back more often and use exfoliant lotions as mentioned above. Look closely at your pits and between your legs to spot any dangly flesh in your sweat places. If so, have your GP remove it or a dermatologist which should be painless and quick. They are an eye sore and show you aren’t self aware. It grosses us women out. What would you do if you saw that stuff on us? Look at your feet. If your toe nails are yellow, purple, flaking and smell, GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR! Get the right medicine and start letting your feet breathe if you are hot and they are sweaty. There are antibacterial powders to buy and some to put in your shoes. If they smell bad and can’t be saved with baking soda, throw them out and get new ones or sandals with socks and start using powders and carry a change of socks and take your feet out to let them breathe every now and then. Ever wonder why the ladies feet don’t stink and look bad? No excuses, stop being a jock and a mountain man!
5. Heavy perfume and aftershave: Women are guilty of this too! I suppose some men believe in turn this is what we want –to smell a huge nauseating dose of cologne and no fresh air. Do you ever wonder why we get a headache or distracted when getting intimate? Fact is most designer perfumes are loaded with chemicals not real flower and herb essences. It’s actually damaging to put directly on the skin (though you can’t see the damage, but a test would be to put drops on hard or soft plastic and after a while watch it melt!) and is why many people are sensitive to heavily scented products. So when man has doused himself in Eternity cologne or worse to the point where I feel as if I am suffocating, the last thing on my mind is getting turned on….GET ME SOME AIR!!
Solution: A small amount of aftershave, a scented deodorant and a good long hot shower with a great smelling soap product is often enough scent for a man. However, sometimes a tiny dab of a quality French perfume like Cartier or Creed for example, on the collar is enough –not like you poured the whole bottle on yourself. Also, experiment with different scents. Women like to smell something more musky, not light and floral on a man… and also not a cheap scent like CK1 or the like which all smell the same and are too heavy.
1. Bad breath discolored teeth. Lack of brushing after a cigarette, drinking, eating or just poor hygiene in general.
Solution: Always brush your teeth for at least 5min in every nook and cranny as well as your tongue before seeing a lady. Try the disposable cheap vibrating brushes for an even better clean then finish off after rinsing with a good mouth wash as well as a good floss should time permit. Other causes of chronic bad breath are lack of saliva due to not drinking enough plain water thereby allowing mouth bacteria to increase, trapped stagnated food in deep crevices or behind the tonsils –see a dental hygienist, a poor diet lacking in nutrients and gastrointestinal disorders –see a doctor. Ever wonder why she won’t kiss you and moves her head to the side or as far away as possible to get away from your heavy breathing directly down on her face? Nothing ruins the moment more than thinking of a way to tell your client to brush and not gag for fresh air at the same time- even if your teeth are clean try not to fill her lungs with your used air while shes trapped beneath you.
2. Body odor. Excessive sweating, not using enough sudsy soap and hot water all over, not using a deodorant stick on the pits after a shower, wearing the same clothes after showering, eating the herb cumin in Indian food which easily comes out of the pours soon after eating, an over growth of bacteria on the body –use an antibacterial body soap, and a poor diet –read up on the subject.
Solution: Always wash your pits thoroughly with a good soap and lots of hot water, same with your scalp. Use a good stick deodorant on your pits right after showering and if you are sensitive to mainstream heavily scented deodorants then look more closely in the isle or in a health food store for a natural light fragranced or non-fragranced deodorant stick as well as soap. This stops the spread of bacteria for hours after your shower and keeps your clothing from the bacteria re-stinking you even after a wash. NEVER put on worn clothes after showering, you’ll end up re-stinking yourself. If you, like many men sweat profusely and stink quickly even after using a stick and soap, always take a shower right before getting intimate. Pay close attention to the ass crack and under the balls and even your feet where washing is usually done poorly and often over-looked. This is enough to make any woman going down on you wretch and wish she was anywhere else but with you if not for the $. If you really want to impress her, than get the lint and cheese out of your belly button delicately with a q-tip and soap. Lastly, if you are a rare one who is un-cut, do her a favor so she doesn’t pass out from a nasty smeg stench and roll back that foreskin to clean the friggen thing. You may think you smell great without soap and a stick, but remember; she is not you and not used to your “natural scent” and least of all wants it all over her without asking for it in an intimate situation… YUCK!
3. Unruly hair. Pubic hair that is longer than 2cm -3inches long crawling up your nose and in your eyes during a BJ. Pubic hair all shaved off resulting in scratchy, rough stubble and ingrown hairs. Course body hair, and shaved chests with scratchy stubble. A hairy back and excessively long hairy armpits, rock hard gel in the hair and unwashed greasy hair with dandruff and odor. Long nose hairs.
Solution: TRIM YOUR PUBES!!! And comb them to get loose ones out rather than them ending up in bed or on her. But don’t shave it all off with the exception of your balls. Shaving off all your pubes looks stupid like a wannabe porn star and leaves a nasty, dark rough stubble and sore red patches. Shaving the balls the day of your date will leave them smooth and enjoyable for your lady unless your hair there is trimmed short and soft. Trimming your pubes close but not right down to the base looks neat and tidy still leaving a nice manly frame around your cock. DON’T shave your chest! You’re a man not a pubescent fagot boy (just an expression -I love nice gay people they are the rare few in society that actually have something shoved up their asses without a horrible uptight attitude!). Just trim it down or invest in permanent laser hair removal. This way you will always be soft not rough from grow-out stubble which is not nice for a lady to rub her cheek against much less touch… I don’t know too many females who like hair on a man’s back or two inches of it on the shoulders. Look into permanent removal –not cheap) as the most final solution or have it removed professionally 2 days before your date. Caution, waxing can be painful and leave serious damage if done incorrectly. Opt instead for another treatment such as a removal cream or the latest safest treatment by a reputable salon. Your lady will thank you for it or never needs to know… If you have what looks like two taupe’s under your arms than it’s time to trim the jungle down –so at least you can get that pit stick up there! If you are having a war with dandruff or greasy hair try introducing a good enteric coated 1000mg fish oil in your diet and invest in a good expensive salon products addressing dandruff and oil. Greasy hair stinks even if you think it doesn’t. Do her a favor before being intimate –get off your lazy ass and wash it! For those accustomed to the comb over, stop it. It looks stupid, admit you’re bald and get it trimmed down to frame your face so you don’t look dated. If you wear a taupe, get rid of it they all look fake no matter what you think it looks like on you and women are good at spotting detail as it is. If you think you need to cement your style to a rock-hard immovable do, stop. She may want to run her hands through it, ever consider that?
4. Rough flaky skin or sunburned skin, zits on the back-ass, hanging tiny chunks of flesh at the pits and genitals and gross toe nails. There is nothing worse than trying to massage a man who has sand paper flaky skin. Even worse, one that has a big distracting nasty deep blackhead(s) on the back that is just screaming to be popped. Those weird little balls of hanging flesh that seem to hang from mainly from the pit area and around the inner thighs up near the genitals. These are freakish and unsightly. Do men not look at themselves in the mirror to spot these things and get rid of them out of embarrassment? Apparently some do not, yet so easy to get rid of!
Solution:Look in the f-ing mirror at yourself for once!!! Cheap; do-it-yourself buy an exfoliation scrub mitt to use in the shower first, then after showering use an alpha-hydroxy skin smoother (get product info from www.paulaschoice.com) and finish with a quality rich heavy moisturizing putty balm. Use a quality 30+ sunscreen to avert from the flakes from burns and keep it on hand as a routine to apply after showering before going in the sun. Added benefits, no skin cancer and wrinkles much less rough dry skin. Expensive; book an appointment at a reputable spa to get fixed up and sent home with good products. Have a professional dig those blackheads out that have most likely been there for years… start scrubbing your back more often and use exfoliant lotions as mentioned above. Look closely at your pits and between your legs to spot any dangly flesh in your sweat places. If so, have your GP remove it or a dermatologist which should be painless and quick. They are an eye sore and show you aren’t self aware. It grosses us women out. What would you do if you saw that stuff on us? Look at your feet. If your toe nails are yellow, purple, flaking and smell, GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR! Get the right medicine and start letting your feet breathe if you are hot and they are sweaty. There are antibacterial powders to buy and some to put in your shoes. If they smell bad and can’t be saved with baking soda, throw them out and get new ones or sandals with socks and start using powders and carry a change of socks and take your feet out to let them breathe every now and then. Ever wonder why the ladies feet don’t stink and look bad? No excuses, stop being a jock and a mountain man!
5. Heavy perfume and aftershave: Women are guilty of this too! I suppose some men believe in turn this is what we want –to smell a huge nauseating dose of cologne and no fresh air. Do you ever wonder why we get a headache or distracted when getting intimate? Fact is most designer perfumes are loaded with chemicals not real flower and herb essences. It’s actually damaging to put directly on the skin (though you can’t see the damage, but a test would be to put drops on hard or soft plastic and after a while watch it melt!) and is why many people are sensitive to heavily scented products. So when man has doused himself in Eternity cologne or worse to the point where I feel as if I am suffocating, the last thing on my mind is getting turned on….GET ME SOME AIR!!
Solution: A small amount of aftershave, a scented deodorant and a good long hot shower with a great smelling soap product is often enough scent for a man. However, sometimes a tiny dab of a quality French perfume like Cartier or Creed for example, on the collar is enough –not like you poured the whole bottle on yourself. Also, experiment with different scents. Women like to smell something more musky, not light and floral on a man… and also not a cheap scent like CK1 or the like which all smell the same and are too heavy.
