Stopped Dating

[vancity_cowboy]

That'd be nice. I'd look after the outside of the house and cars and clean up the dishes!

yeah, i guess i forgot about that modern convenience called a dishwasher, right?

but that sounds fair enough though, lol - just don't throw away your little black book right away...

 

[bcneil]

I don't think my expectations are set that high. I'm not looking for a supermodel that earns big money. I'd settle for a family oriented girl next door with an easygoing personality who has an average job like a nurse or teacher who watches her health, exercises, is a light drinker, non smoker and non drug user.

not asking for much are you...

i presume cooking, laundry, looking after the kids, housecleaning, dishes, and on special occasions a blowjob for you would fit in there somewhere

Was thinking the same thing. Wow. Nurses and teachers are probably the 2 highest paying jobs for woman out there in mass.
My friends wife is a nurse and works lots of hours and way over 100g a year. Count me in for one of these plain Janes next door

 

[badbadboy]

Was thinking the same thing. Wow. Nurses and teachers are probably the 2 highest paying jobs for woman out there in mass.
My friends wife is a nurse and works lots of hours and way over 100g a year. Count me in for one of these plain Janes next door

Trust me, you only want a nurse before they are married Hot n horny.

Afterwards they tell you to take two asprins and wait for the swelling to go down. WTF

 

[badbadboy]

hmmpht last time I was in hospital, I got these 2

You are lucky. At least those two spoke English. Dead serious.

 

[poorboyv6]

Kari Byron from Mythbusters would do. GND with and seems to have an awesome personality.

 

[storm rider]

When it comes down to it "dating" is a minefield these days....I did the adult friend finder/lavalife/POF thing....and to bluntly honest there are a lot of women out there whose ego's are writing checks their bodies cant cash...gold-diggers...yup....had 1 gal who tried to play me for an investment scam with the idea of taking equity out of my home...nope...met another who figured she would put out when a guy buys her a house...yeah right....I did meet a very nice Korean gal who was a keeper...she had a good head on her shoulders and was very attractive...the only caveat was that her long term expectations were that I would move in with her and thusly give up my independance....very hard to do.

The kicker for me is the random public encounters I have passed on.....since I got divorced I have had a total of 5 hot women give me "fuck me eyes" out of the blue...with 1 happening the day after I seperated and started the "war of the roses" situation of seperated co-habitation.....and that was a bitch...the gal up and downed me from 50 feet away as we were walking towards eachother...a smile on her face the whole time....the most recent was last December....same ting...eye contact/smile and instant grooviness...hell that gal did not only up&down me she stopped dead in her tracks after I passed her and was eyeing me up like a 7 course meal...sadly I kept going after a smile back because the thought jumped into my head "she is not asian".....big mistake on my part I will say...especially for the fact that she was 10 years younger than me.



For the OP I dont think you need therapy......I think you are on an even course....if you want something more substantial then go for it.

SR

 

[InTheBum]

You've saved a lot of money spending only 15K over the years. It can easily cost 15K+ a year being in a relationship.

One negative thing about being single is the constant questions about not being married. Everyone perceives you as weird for being single.

One positive thing about being single is you must have amassed some wealth over that long haul. ITB, are you better off financially than your married friends?

Probably not, since I have a pretty low income...Also, the double income and no kids , working professionals can really pull in the cash...

But I've noticed, the married couples with only one source of income, with young kids, pretty much live paycheck to paycheck...

 

[tantalizeme]

Since I found pooning back in 2000, my dating life has slowly diminished...

Now...about 11 years into the hobby and well over 100 SP's later, I am wondering do I need therapy? My friend thinks so, but I thought I would put this question to the board. I figure many are in the same situation...

I'm not sure how old you are, Bum—but let's face it, both of us are probably hooked on pooning for life.

1. Any woman who'd date us likely won't compare very favorably, in terms of looks, with the hot babes we routinely bang.

2. Most civilians, with exceptions of course, tend to be boringly tame, erotically speaking.

3. Practically every woman that you become romantically involved with will soon make irritating demands on your time, attention and wallet.

4. Most women manifest a clingy kind of jealousy.

That's not to say you shouldn't be open to the possibility of connecting with a nice, reasonably compatible and age-appropriate lady. You don't want to miss out forever on enjoying the company of someone who envelops you with sweet feminine energy and lets you wrap yourself around her at night.

There're quite a few dance halls around town with quite a few chicks ripe for the picking. Taking dance courses (or night school courses)—and zeroing in on whoever you like—is probably one of the best approaches. You see what you get, and she sees what she gets.

Of course, for a veteran pooner like you (I forget if you speak Chinese?), there's another potential pool of candidates. Many of the late-30s/early 40s micro girls are yearning to get out. They often dread the prospect of going back to China. Having depressingly few options they're sure to find a guy like you attractive.

On the plus side, if we pick the right one, she'll understand our sexuality, doesn't care about monogamy and might make an adventurous swinging partner. But you must make her feel appreciated, understood, respected and emotionally supported. Just don't let her sponge off your money, but make clear from the start she'll have to earn her own keep.

Counseling can't hurt either (PM me if you want a great therapist). And whatever romance you hopefully find, Bum, don't expect too much, and keep it light and crisp.

 

[BrokeBastard]

I have a graduate degree, usually earn around $100,000 a year, am fit, have no children, am handy and do not have any mental or serious physical illnesses or deformities. One thing I have against me is that I am only 5'7". Women are very fussy about height. The taller the better. Unfortunately, the only women who seem to think I am a catch are married or have boyfriends. Sometimes I think they are somewhat patronizing me because I know if for any reason they became single, I would not be their first choice.

I figured I've spent at least $75,000 over the last 15 years on escorts. As far as being better off financially, you are only if you didn't have to go through a divorce.

If I could find a girlfriend, I'd give up this hobby, but in the meantime, it allows me to get rid of my sexual tension and to have awesome sex with women who in real life would never give me a second look.

I wish I made as much as you Poorboy. 100K for a single guy is great money IMHO. Hopefully you've invested or saved a lot. I don't consider 5K a year for 15 yrs a lot of money considering the amount you earn.

Unfortunately women do tend to like the taller guys so height can be a factor. But I don't consider you too short. I always have a hard time believing high earners (or above average earners) finding it tough in the dating world. There are some guys who make great money I know who are so super cheap with their wardrobe, cars, and hate spending any money on dates but wonder why women aren't attracted to them.

 

[BrokeBastard]

Probably not, since I have a pretty low income...Also, the double income and no kids , working professionals can really pull in the cash...

But I've noticed, the married couples with only one source of income, with young kids, pretty much live paycheck to paycheck...

Unfortunately if you have low income you are definitely going to have a tough time attracting and maintaining a relationship. This is especially true the older you are. Being males we should have our shit together as we age and have accumulated some assets/wealth.

This is not a knock on you at all. I've lost some girls to guys who have better careers than me. That's just the way it is.

 

[BrokeBastard]

From what I've seen, for most couples with children - double income or single income - paycheque to paycheque is the rule. Also, I don't think most single males are that good at saving. It doesn't seem to matter what their income is, they buy toys if they have room in their budget. A single male who has saved / invested a fair bit is either very high income (relative to the average) or "grounded" to the point that women don't find them interesting. The singles that do save are single women. I'm going by work coffee conversations, but most of the single women at work have purchased their own home and maxed their RRSP.

That may have a lot to do with the dating situation in BC. Since single guys spend their income and single women save their income - the single women are willing to date the single guys, but not marry / merge income with them. The "grounded" guys that share the same level of income as the single woman aren't "fun" to date and therefore have no chance to graduate to "marriage material".

It takes a high income for a single guy to both be "fun" to date and have enough savings to match the retained assets of a much lower paid single woman.

That could explain why so many men think that the women around them are "gold diggers". Even on work casual things (drinks after work, working lunch) the women only pick up the bill if it has become uncomfortably obvious that the guy isn't going to. And, of course, the guys that won't pick up the bill are "too cheap" to date. And then, the woman wants the guy to have the same financial stability that she has.

This is a great post Alinburnaby.

 

[poorboyv6]

I wish I made as much as you Poorboy. 100K for a single guy is great money IMHO. Hopefully you've invested or saved a lot. I don't consider 5K a year for 15 yrs a lot of money considering the amount you earn.

Unfortunately women do tend to like the taller guys so height can be a factor. But I don't consider you too short. I always have a hard time believing high earners (or above average earners) finding it tough in the dating world. There are some guys who make great money I know who are so super cheap with their wardrobe, cars, and hate spending any money on dates but wonder why women aren't attracted to them.

I redid my calculations, and it's probably closer to 6K a year. =O I've only been making 6 digits over the past 3 or 4 years. It hasn't been consistent and I've been unemployed at times, but things are fairly stable right now.

I am not a bad dresser, but definately not cutting edge. Polo trousers, addidas golf shirts, etc. When I dress up, I wear J.P. Tilford from Harry Rosen type clothing. I do drive a fairly old car, a 2001 Olds Alero, but it is rust free and fixing and racing cars is one of my main hobbies, so it is mechanically sound.

Unfortunately in the industry I am in, the males are quite large and are about 75% of the employees, so the women at work have their choice. I don't have much of a chance to meet "normal" women because my job has odd hours.

 

[poorboyv6]

. . . and yet, you couldn't afford to buy a new 2-button suit? PRIORITIZE, MAN! PRIORITIZE!

I did the cost benefit analysis, and $1,000 for a one time wear per year wasn't a good use of money right now. I wore the 2 button midnight blue with pinstripe Boss suit with the white Hathaway 100's shirt, navy and gold striped tie and black Cole Haan brogues and got a couple of compliments on how well I was dressed. I'll admit the bar was low though as combination polyester and cotton shirts and 3 button suits were common. Some people even wore shorts!

Inthebum,

I don't think you need therapy. Seeing escorts is therapy!

 

[BrokeBastard]

So, the successful search for a mate is complicated. You are looking for someone attractive to you. (forget about attractive to others, it really doesn't count) You are looking for someone that is "near enough" in educational achievement. You are looking for someone with a similar level of realized savings. (if she owns a condo - you own a house, if she has maxed her RRSP - you have maxed your RRSP, if she has investments - you have investments)

Incredible post. I always felt this way but could never explain it the way you just did. Great job.

 

[princeofdarkness]

I don't know how everyone else feels but alinburnaby will be my first "therapist" I call if the need arises.
Thank you very much for your invaluable contribution.

Peace.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

Assuming one is middle aged...

my (very generalized - there are rare exceptions) observations about women who are willing to become a mate are age-defined and run something like this:
child-bearing age, no children but will want them eventually, looking: wants to attach to earning power greater than theirs to build nest
any age, has children, looking (single mom): wants to attach to earning power greater than theirs to line nest for children
any age, doesn't want children, looking: wants to attach to earning power greater than theirs to line nest for status
past child-bearing age, has children that left the nest, looking: wants to attach to earning power greater than theirs to attend to children's 'adult' needs

notice the common thread of 'children' running through all this? this is a powerful reality that one has to always keep in mind - you are mating with more than the woman

i don't think there is ever a time past youth when women 'drop the armour' unless for short periods when they are incredibly 'horny' (and remember, horny is a male term, females use 'looking for love') and are either looking for a clandestine affair or looking for another nest provider (who has greater earning power than theirs) so they can bail on their previous poor choice

i know that doesn't quite align with your theory, but thats what ive observed

 

[Pillowtalk]

If you want a life partner, you don't view everyone you encounter as if they are the enemy trying to get something from you. You are either open to it, or not, but trying to manipulate the situation or assuming someone is out to trick you, well, you really will get what you are looking for.

I have two brothers, both past the age of desireability, if you will. One has had a series of long term relationships, married twice and is currently in another. In other words, he has had no difficulty in finding women who are interested in him, usually attractive and fit as well. He has always had a few extra pounds, is only 5ft 6in, and at this point, a bit balding and even more extra pounds. He has also been a single dad, sole custody, not a great saver, tho he does have a house. At this point, his good paying job shut down, before retirement kicked in, so he is working at another much lower income job, yet again, he managed to attract another woman into his life.

The main thing is, what he has that some seem to not have, is he is super nice, kind, generous, good natured, easy going, a gentleman and a gentle man, and he is (in spite of what his looks and income might tell us about him) a very confident man. He always has been, and that and a good sense of humour is what has always attracted attractive women, very loyal and in for the long term type women. Now a recent divorce had more to do with a clash of cultures (an evangelical woman from texas, brought into BC, not great for weather, not great for the God fearing Texan lol).

So when I see a few complaining about how women are this, and how they are that and why that means seeking out some poorer and more desperate type, I just think of all the men out there who don't have to play tricks and games in order to get into a long term relationship.

My other brother, a bit thinner and taller, has been with the same woman for over 30 years. First and last girlfriend. Another kind and gentle man, fwiw.

But neither of them have unrealistic expectations of what they should have as a mate, and they both understand what for better or worse really means.

 

[poorboyv6]

I think my expecations are reasonable, but have run across many, many women who I think have exceptionally high expectations.

I know of one lady who is in her mid 30's. She has done very well for herself even though she never graduated college. She used some money from an inheritance to buy a little house, saved her pennies and bought another house and then leveraged herself to buy another house.

She is not bad looking at all. She loves to cook and bake, exercises regularly, has a stable job and wants a family, BUT unfortunately I don't think she'll find anyone because she is unwilling to date anyone younger than her, doesn't want to date anyone more than 5 years older than her, and will absolutely will not consider anyone who is not a devout Catholic.

She will not compromise.

I tried to date another lady who was also very choosy because she had a very high opinion of herself, and could be described as self centred. She always had men interested her and many male friends. I'm sure a lot of them, like myself were interested in her romantically, but once she put you in the friend category, you had no chance. I bailed after being told I was in that category. She was $50,000 or more in student debt, but wasn't worried because she was certain that she would be getting a well paying job to pay it off.

She was another one who said she wasn't willing to compromise. This is a line I see fairly often on the various dating sites I have been on.

 

[kazesora]

I could only estimate that it is around 15k over the years...and probably closer to 150 women. Not all full service...in fact many were just massage and tug and/or blow. Or in my youth...car dates...yikes!

The most I ever paid for one session is $$. I refuse to pay more than that...

i spend nigh on 30k a year on 2 or 3 girls. but i feel very lonley and isolated.
recently, i broke up with my love.
i... desperately unhappy,almost suicidal.
i dont know.. what do i need..

 

[poorboyv6]

It may also be that she is afraid of losing her money just like a man might in a similar real estate "rich" position.

No. Religion is the most important concern for her. Nothing but a devout catholic will do.