Sorry everyone

[sadgirl]

Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you

 

[JustAGuy]

Never having been married myself, I am not exactly the voice of experience but to my way of thinking, starting off a marriage not trusting your partner is probably a good reason to rethink the whole idea of getting married.

 

[Jodie]

Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you

Hi Sadgirl,

It's not a crazy question at all.

If you don't mind sharing, what is it that makes you believe he is addicted to escorts and/or that he might not be loyal to you? Are you trying to find out whether he is seeing escorts now, or are you looking for information because you're worried he might start to see escorts (again?) after you're married?

Have you spoken to him on this issue before? Has he outright stated that he promises to be loyal and monogamous? If so, why do you think you're getting that gut feeling that you shouldn't trust him?

I can certainly tell you what to look for and where to look for it, but realize that in snooping around, you would be violating his trust, and if you were wrong in your assumptions and got caught snooping, the consequences could be devastating.

 

[chilli]

Never having been married myself, I am not exactly the voice of experience but to my way of thinking, starting off a marriage not trusting your partner is probably a good reason to rethink the whole idea of getting married.

Agreed.

You have to ask yourself why you keep attracting and having relationships with men you can't trust.

 

[Very Veronica]

actually, you have 3 choices

You have 2 choices that will allow you to live calmly and happily:

1. Accept that he WILL cheat.

2. If you cannot accept his straying, DO NOT MARRY HIM!

3. Make him pay..become an escort!

 

[Miss*Bijou]

lol i agree... men behave better when they're paying.


Honestly, I think that what we think are doubts are more like gut feelings and intuition.
We doubt ourselves and we make them into doubts.

If you are having doubts, real doubts about it... IMHO - he's cheating.
The only problem is that doubts aren't proof so we often dismiss them, thinking we're just overreacting, imagining things... But after the fact, when the truth is out.. these moments of doubt/gut feelings that come back to mind and make you wish you'd taken them seriously instead of dismissing them for lack of proof.

I don't think you need ways to find out if he's cheating... I think you already know he is..

But just my opinion..

 

[SeekSteadyRegSP]

Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you

I hate feeling so responsible that I have to be this honest, BUT I truly believe that you should exit the relationship as soon as possible. You hint that you are trying to take something and see it for what it clearly isn't.

If you want to draw the tiniest bit of hope from your effort here, I'll come right out and say that I would do a whole lot to know the chance for a long-term, monogamous relationship with a woman in your age range.

What troubles me about your particular story, is that you already "believe that your hubby to be is addicted to escorts".

Had he been discreet and both sensible and sensitive, you wouldn't likely have all of those clues by now.

If you cease the relationship at once, you remain at worst a person still eligible on the open market for life-long romance. If you continue to dig this particular hole, you step backward from singledom into a place where no good guy is looking for love (in the throes of someone else's relationship).

And geez, just consider the months and years of the lying and the hiding and the sneaking. I don't think that you need the stress this would bring upon you.

I know it would take a whole lot to reverse your course in terms of marriage plans, but you should call it off for your family and your future.

It hurts deep inside, I know...

Bless you.

 

[schizo_man]

welcome back surfer

 

[maxx50]

Real simple!

I you kno that he has seen escorts in the past. and he has admitted that to you.. Then just ask him strait out are you still seeing some escorts.. and are you going to after we are married.. You want honesty .. then be honest and ask .. Noe if you don't think his answer is the truth.. Then you know what to do.
If your guy still has to see escorts.. then marriage is not what he is looking for..

 

[chilli]

I still feel most posters are missing the point - you have to ask yourself why you are even in this relationship.

Why you are attracted to this kind of man, and why when your gut says to get out you don't listen to it.

IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM, IT'S ABOUT YOU.

That is the real answer.

 

[aznboi9]

If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you

Hi sadgirl

I think that unless you are actively following your fiancee all over the place and/or had access to his financial records, emails, and/or cell phone records, it would be really hard prove or disprove his (lack of) faithfulness. Bijou's probably right in that if you have your suspicions, it's probably for a good reason.

There have been some insightful posts in this thread and I would just echo JustAGuy and SeekSteadyRegSP. In the end, it doesn't really matter that much what you can confirm or deny. You're really going to have to evaluate if this is really a worthwhile relationship to continue with if this lack of trust exists before you've even said "I do".

Hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Bartdude]

Sorry Sadgirl, there are only two options:

1. You are okay with him having sex with other women - and paying them for it.

2. You are not.

I get the distinct sense you are not being honest with yourself. As painful, inconvenient, disruptive, and embarrassing it is - you need to end the engagement and move on. If you already suspect he is "addicted", it is unlikely that his behaviour will change. If you're not okay with this fact - and living with it for the forseeable future - sticking with the marriage is doing you both a disservice.

Sorry.

 

[Prospero]

I still feel most posters are missing the point - you have to ask yourself why you are even in this relationship.

Why you are attracted to this kind of man, and why when your gut says to get out you don't listen to it.

IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM, IT'S ABOUT YOU.

That is the real answer.

I agree with Chilli here. What others have said is good advice. But really, that deals with the surface problem. For every problem, there is an underlying cause of the problem. The underlying cause is the crux of the problem. For her, she could well do with asking that question of herself that Chiili suggests. It may indeed be the key to her finding hapiness in a relationship. And also, she could do with asking some detailed questions of her prospective significant other as to why he needs to see escorts, if indeed he does, if she feels the need to ask him anything before comitting or walking away.

I wonder too, if she was snooping on the comp and found perb in the history... which led her to here. If this is so, its possible it could be more of a vicarious thing rather than an active participant... keep in mind that one should be innocent until proven guilty. But going by your instincts and your questions here - you should have a serious sit down with him and have a Q&A session and see what comes back and take it from there. In any case, as others have said, if you already have doubts, you're already in trouble.

I wish you all the best.

 

[SexyBoy]

Lots of men cheat

Lots of men end up having a real low sex drive.

Not too many have a high sex drive that do not cheat.

 

[Naughty Nadia]

I was "married" (common-law) to someone for 5 years who was addicted to sex and seeing escorts. As well as posting ads for swingers etc. I stopped working and did not cheat on him once, he did it continuously. You will always catch a cheater if you look hard enough. There are signs and always some sort of evidence if you have the resources. I had access to our joint bank account, his credit card and cell phone records, as well as being someone who worked in IT for many years, computer traces were easy for me to follow. As well as him just not being very damn smart about it, as if he WANTED to get caught, as if that was part of the thrill.

What I found though, is it turned me into a person I REALLY didn't like. Constantly suspicious, looking for evidence, pacing the floor whenever he went out wondering where he REALLY was. It ate me alive. I had always been a very trusting person, naive even, and I despised what it turned me into.

I had strong reasons for trying to make the relationship work, but in the end I had to accept that you will NEVER change who he is, no matter what he tells you, no matter what you try. If you are already having these doubts, GET OUT. It will only end badly.

 

[Avery]

A man marries a woman, thinking she'll never change, but she does.

A woman marries a man, thinking he'll change, but he doesn't.

 

[BS Detector]

I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts.

I wonder why you believe this? How do you know of this board? I assume you two have discusssed escorts in the past and he told you. I also assume you would have asked him if he still sees escorts and if he has plans to continue.

I suppose at that point, like everyone here says, if you trust him, have a happy life together. If you have doubts, get out now. You do not need proof because your constant doubts will kill you more I think. Unfortunately, you can not prove has does NOT see escorts and because of that, it sounds like you will always have that doubt. How can you build a relationship on that weak foundation?

 

[sensualsixty]

Go with your gut feeling

I think that Sexy Lena Neone got it right.

My name tells you about my age! Still interested! I do get some variety through sensuous threesomes with my favourite partner - my wife!!!

I know a very sad story about a woman who found out the day before her wedding that it was to be a BIG mistake. She should have cancelled and used the wedding arrangements to celebrate with the family and friends who had gathered. Instead, she had to go through the expensive process of an annullment.

sensualsixty

 

[tantalizeme]

Honest reflections from someone who could be sadgirl's fiancée

Sadgirl,

No matter how much you can hope it's not true and you can somehow change him, he is who he is.

The secret most women refuse to believe (except maybe the French!) is that a man can love you and only you, yet need the outlet of being sexual with other women. This need is hard wired, and there are not many men out there who can oppose their own true nature to spread their seed.

If you truely want a man who will never cheat on you, I'm sure there are ones out there, but I'm also thinking they are fairly rare, and it sounds to me like you're pretty sure your guy isn't one of them.

You have 2 choices that will allow you to live calmly and happily:

1. Accept that he WILL cheat. Realize that you can't change him. Treat him like gold- sex every morning and night if he wants it, and let him pay the mortgage and buy you nice things. If you're giving him lots of loving, he may not need to wander. Understand that if he does, it's not about you, but all about him. Love him fully and don't snoop to find out the sordid details.

2. If you cannot accept his straying, DO NOT MARRY HIM! Plain and simple. There is nothing you can do to make him not be who he is. Period. It will always be his decision. You could be the most wonderful and sexy woman in the world and he could still need variety. If his nature is going to cause you grief, then for heaven's sake, he's not the right guy for you!!!

Good luck...
xoxo
Nina Leone
ninaleone.com

I agree—Nina Leone’s words of wisdom express the deep truth about MANY, MANY men.

Just yesterday I got asked again why I never married, and I mumbled something about not having found the right woman yet.

Now the real reason is that I can’t imagine letting any woman straightjacket my sexuality. But unfortunately, temptingly attractive women typically feel they can afford to reject proposals for an open relationship and instead achieve their goal of monogamous commitment.

I don’t blame them—many women seem just as hardwired for wanting sexual exclusivity as many men are for wanting sexual variety. Certainly, if women like sadgirl refuse to believe Nina’s “secret” about men, they’re in for a lot of pain and disappointment, and miss out on some of the most interesting men around.

Lately, I’ve curtailed my pooning because I’ve been moderately successful having sex with amateurs. Like many men—and that probably includes sadgirl’s fiancée—I love sex and I hate conflict, and as a result I've felt forced to downplay my promiscuous tendencies and stress that “I’m seriously looking for the right woman to settle down with.”

It’s reassuring, though, and always at the back of my mind, that if my sexual neediness reaches a certain point, there’re wonderful providers out there to whoop it up with. And I also relish the thought that I’m saving in excess of $200 every time I'm banging an amateur.

 

[sadgirl]

Thankyou for all of your advice

Hi Everyone, your asking me questions and I am going to try and answer.
Why do I think he is using escorts....he asked me about 8 months ago how I would feel if he just got a blowjob from an escort or at a massage parlor. I told him I of course didn't like the idea, he could not understand as he said there would be no emotional bond. I asked him how he would feel if I did it. He said no way.
He changed his tune and said it was just a question and I should not get so upset about it. One morning soon after he got up (plumber) and had a shower and completely trimmed himself up (cologne etc) even went as far as trimming those little hairs down below. I asked him what he was doing he replied just want to feel and look good today. Never done this before. That day for 2hrs he is the owner of the company and needs to be available at all times became unavailable his phone was shut off. I do have his phone records and credit card records as well as banking records as we share our finances. I cannot trace anything for that day, but he also carries alot of cash which i cannot keep track of.
I do know that when he came home that day he was very into me but the day prior I didn't exist .
He now does not have cash flow and I control the banking, so it seems like he is putting alot of $40 out, he is not going high end anymore. Makes me think he is using massage parlors.
I want to be wrong about my thought and I maybe completly of base. I have huge trust issues due to past relationship.
Like one of you said maybe he just likes sex with different women, I know he loves me, he treats me great.
I use to model and still do some here and there. I get complimented on my body and looks often, so it's not like he has it so bad .
I make great money and have been told by others i am a great catch for him. Yes I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out if he is faithful, I am the type of woman that needs evidence , I need to catch him so i can move on.
Sounds terrible , I just need to know.
So what is it I should look for to find if he is going to a massage parlor or escorts.
Once again thankyou.
You are all so understanding , you are giving me more then what I expected.
Your all very supportive, this is a great site.
No jokin , I actually thought about being an escort if this doesn't work between us.