Seriously Confused!!!
- Thread starter golferwoods
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That's funny!!!Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute....
Could it be?
Golfer??
Woods???
I was in this situation once, still am to be honest, as I've been seeing the same single mom for the last 6 years.
Anyway, the main question is why are you giving her money? Is it because she needs it? or because she expects it?
In my situation, we've separated out the money from the sex. I help her out because she needs the help and I care a great deal for her. I also keep my expectations extremely low. I don't expect or want her to pay me back, even if she say's she'll pay it, because she really does need it more than I do.
And for that, when she has time, she let's me know and we meet at a motel for a few hours. Sometimes it's once a month, and sometimes it's 3 times a month. It also depends on my availability too. Occassionally I'll make a payment towards her credit card if she asks. But the separation of the money from the sex tends to make the whole relationship feel like something along the lines of a friends with benefits.
As for where you stand, ask her out for lunch or something and see where that goes. After lunch maybe ask her to a movie, these are things she definately knows she's not going to get compensated for, so that will clue you in.
I do go out to dinners...lunches and brunches together. We hang out lots and it is not always me initiating these things. She acts like a girlfriend by even crapping on me for being late...LOL...but a few minutes later she is fine. At times she can be all sweet and affectionate when we are not having sex and at times she gets mad at me again like a boyfriend when I say the wrong thing or do something stupid. We have all of the nuances of a couple without being a couple. This is why I am seriously confused and why this is a weird dynamic.
OK, so 30 posts into this thread later, whatcha gonna do, to ease the confusion? You've been given lots of suggestions/advice here, which is apparently why you started this thread in the first place.
So what's next? Or is this thread just a place to wallow in a little comfy confusion?
Have you asked her if she is "fully retired"? Does she have a civilian job that doesn't quite make ends meet at the end of the month?
She may just tell you its none of your business and that will be your answer.
Some 'retired' SP's have a few select clients that seem to fill the gap between their civilian job and their financial requirements.
Just want to ask some thing else .. Do you see escorts?
If you do then it is unlikely she will be your girl friend ..
In some way your story is similar to mine . i have one or two retired or occasional working escorts friends that I hang with ,, go out with , get dinner with , drive around and have even lived with one off and on when I wa sin her town ,, But I still pay for sex when I can get it and that is not to often , because they see me as a friend and not a client . and not really as a sexual partner .. But On the other hand they know that i will see other escorts if i really think I wan t to have sex ..But I very seldom do ....
I say this because there is the rub .. they were in the business they know what men do .. They really don't like it that we will go see some one else if we don't get what we need and once they no that .. I think they find it impossible to trust a guy that did Even though i know i don't think of any one else when a relationship is working .
If you do then it is unlikely she will be your girl friend ..
In some way your story is similar to mine . i have one or two retired or occasional working escorts friends that I hang with ,, go out with , get dinner with , drive around and have even lived with one off and on when I wa sin her town ,, But I still pay for sex when I can get it and that is not to often , because they see me as a friend and not a client . and not really as a sexual partner .. But On the other hand they know that i will see other escorts if i really think I wan t to have sex ..But I very seldom do ....
I say this because there is the rub .. they were in the business they know what men do .. They really don't like it that we will go see some one else if we don't get what we need and once they no that .. I think they find it impossible to trust a guy that did Even though i know i don't think of any one else when a relationship is working .
i dunno. sounds to me like you've got a pretty good thing goin' on here - although i certainly know all about the little pangs of jealousy that show up
i don't agree with the strategy of withholding the money for a session - the money and what you want to find out are unrelated factors in your relationship. withholding the money will certainly have a reaction, but you won't be any closer to answering your question
pick a moment when she seems to be in a really good mood. ask her to play a word game with you called, "what if..." if she says ok, then you start, "what if i were to tell you some day that i have developed some very strong feelings for you, what would you tell me?" etc.
keep it in the future conditional tense, that way you're not putting either of you on the spot. she'll know what you're doing, but hopefully she'll play along with you and you can resolve some questions about your relationship
does that make any sense?
the last thing you want to do is deliver any ultimatums or unilaterally change the ground rules, you could lose her for good in an instant
i don't agree with the strategy of withholding the money for a session - the money and what you want to find out are unrelated factors in your relationship. withholding the money will certainly have a reaction, but you won't be any closer to answering your question
pick a moment when she seems to be in a really good mood. ask her to play a word game with you called, "what if..." if she says ok, then you start, "what if i were to tell you some day that i have developed some very strong feelings for you, what would you tell me?" etc.
keep it in the future conditional tense, that way you're not putting either of you on the spot. she'll know what you're doing, but hopefully she'll play along with you and you can resolve some questions about your relationship
does that make any sense?
the last thing you want to do is deliver any ultimatums or unilaterally change the ground rules, you could lose her for good in an instant
Do you kiss and hug when you two go out, or is more along the lines of a friendship? Sounds to me like you don't otherwise there really would be no confusion. To that extent you can either try kissing her and she if she turns her cheek or otherwise doesn't reciprocate. If that happens just go with it and accept the fact that she just wants to keep things the way they are. If she responses well your off to the races. Either way you'll know where you stand. Make sure there's a little bit of alcohol involved, that way you can always get a pass if you were out of line and it may just make her relaxed enough to go for it.
Well you're correct and it just goes to show you we're a bored group of people with too much time on our hand.
But we do hang out for "free"...we spend about 3-4 times a week hanging out and only have sex once every 2 weeks or so....that's why it is so confusing. I don't initiate all of our activities. She asks me out too and we just do things...
Thank you all for all of your advice. What am I going to do?? I still dont' know. Maybe I shouldn't rock the boat and just enjoy what I have and not worry about everything. Recently she has been more affectionate and giving me more attention....I should just play it out and see where it lands...
Thank you all for all of your advice. What am I going to do?? I still dont' know. Maybe I shouldn't rock the boat and just enjoy what I have and not worry about everything. Recently she has been more affectionate and giving me more attention....I should just play it out and see where it lands...
It sounds like your confusion will resolve it self.. Just play it up like you said .. initiate your own hugging and kissing and some petting . and see where that leads
You may end up with more sex .. or end up with none lol
But the best thing to do is just tell her how you feel about her . If you love her , like her , want her .. That is what you have to do so every one know where they stand . It will give her pause for thought too ..
You may end up with more sex .. or end up with none lol
But the best thing to do is just tell her how you feel about her . If you love her , like her , want her .. That is what you have to do so every one know where they stand . It will give her pause for thought too ..
sounds like a lot of us are in the same kind of relationship or relationships with many similar characteristics. One common denominator, the wallet opens up. But that is the same in any male female relationship, some one pays for something. Sex and occurrences just make is a convenient time or reason to do it when nothing else is obvious.
i'm going to throw this in because i don't see anyone mentioning it... or anyone mentioning that they've successfully crossed the void between client and master.
women like to be pursued. women like to be wanted. if she's not already married and she has orgasms when having sex with you then you have a chance. you need to get on the horse and be the prince. you need to step up to the plate. you are master of your universe and those around you are either with you or in your dust.
next time you are banging her from behind grab her by the hair and let her know that you want her to bear your children. start expecting her to sleep over at your place, make you breakfast and blow you in the shower. she'll let you know pretty quick where she is at with this plan. and if you avoid any talk of feelings or the "L" word then you have a pretty good chance of dropping the whole campaign and returning to what you had.
be persistent. you know what you want and you want her. when things get edgy then its time to give up.
but if going forward with her is what you want with your life then you have no excuse. go for it.
women like to be pursued. women like to be wanted. if she's not already married and she has orgasms when having sex with you then you have a chance. you need to get on the horse and be the prince. you need to step up to the plate. you are master of your universe and those around you are either with you or in your dust.
next time you are banging her from behind grab her by the hair and let her know that you want her to bear your children. start expecting her to sleep over at your place, make you breakfast and blow you in the shower. she'll let you know pretty quick where she is at with this plan. and if you avoid any talk of feelings or the "L" word then you have a pretty good chance of dropping the whole campaign and returning to what you had.
be persistent. you know what you want and you want her. when things get edgy then its time to give up.
but if going forward with her is what you want with your life then you have no excuse. go for it.
Right...and if a guy treated me like that, he wouldn't be in my bed...or in my life...anywhere...ever...
"Confusion leads to uncertainty... uncertainty leads to doubt... doubt leads to hatred....."
