I wrote this a couple of years ago. It wasn't a story, so much as a response when someone I barely knew asked me for advice. I started writing, and wound up writing and writing and writing. It wound up being one of my most popular posts ever, on the few boards that I'd posted it on. I was going to post a followup story to it when I realized that I had never posted this original tale here. So please enjoy, and I'll post the follow-up here tomorrow.
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So you've fallen hard for a lady in the business. I know where you are, brother. I really do. I've been there too. You're in good company. This has happened to many of us in the hobby, and as much as we like to kid ourselves otherwise, it happens to the ladies too.
It's hard to know which is the more powerful desire, the need for sex or the need for love. And it's hard in this hobby sometimes because one feels so much like the other. Falling hard is sneaky because it tends to happen when we lack something in our lives, but it can catch us unaware at the best of times.
I'm not likely to tell you something you don't already know or haven't thought about. But since you asked, here are my thoughts in the matter.
The ladies work hard to give us what we want. And we work hard to find the ones who are good at giving us what we're looking for. And it is the really good ones that pose the greatest risk, because they give so much of themselves to make you happy. Perhaps she might even have liked you a little more than the next guy. But your time runs out, you leave starry-eyed and wobbly-legged, you leave daydreaming about her. And she might be already on to her next client, who she's already trying to make as happy as you. The good ones do. And that is why you chose her in the first place..... hmmm?
I used to think that it was all an act. But I came to realize that that was really selling the ladies short. Because for the good ones, it isn't an act. They really do love what they do and they do enjoy your company. But there must be boundaries to that caring. There just has to be. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to be good at what she does for the next guy. She has to let it go. And that is what we have to do as well.
And at the end of the day, most of us hardly know the lady who's given us so much pleasure. She could be anyone behind those eyes. Anyone. Good, bad, evil, divine. Think about that for a moment. You don't know her, you don't know her baggage. And she will have some, brother, as I know you will have your own. She likely doesn't know you at all either. She would be right to be wary.
I'm not saying that it might not work out for the two of you. But the chances are so slim, and the impediments in your way are so large, that lasting happiness is so unlikely. It's truly a shot in the dark, as remote as a lottery win.
You asked me for my advice, brother. And mine to you is to have some variety. Keep reading the ads and reviews. Find other ladies who everyone's raving over. Go see them, give them a shot at knocking your socks off. And undoubtedly some of them will. And doing that will give you perspective in this terrible and wonderful hobby of ours. For it's most healthy for you to love the experiences, but not the ladies.
I can speak from experience that I know how hard it is to follow this advice, but look in your heart and see if it doesn't ring straight and true. Good luck, brother.
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So you've fallen hard for a lady in the business. I know where you are, brother. I really do. I've been there too. You're in good company. This has happened to many of us in the hobby, and as much as we like to kid ourselves otherwise, it happens to the ladies too.
It's hard to know which is the more powerful desire, the need for sex or the need for love. And it's hard in this hobby sometimes because one feels so much like the other. Falling hard is sneaky because it tends to happen when we lack something in our lives, but it can catch us unaware at the best of times.
I'm not likely to tell you something you don't already know or haven't thought about. But since you asked, here are my thoughts in the matter.
The ladies work hard to give us what we want. And we work hard to find the ones who are good at giving us what we're looking for. And it is the really good ones that pose the greatest risk, because they give so much of themselves to make you happy. Perhaps she might even have liked you a little more than the next guy. But your time runs out, you leave starry-eyed and wobbly-legged, you leave daydreaming about her. And she might be already on to her next client, who she's already trying to make as happy as you. The good ones do. And that is why you chose her in the first place..... hmmm?
I used to think that it was all an act. But I came to realize that that was really selling the ladies short. Because for the good ones, it isn't an act. They really do love what they do and they do enjoy your company. But there must be boundaries to that caring. There just has to be. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to be good at what she does for the next guy. She has to let it go. And that is what we have to do as well.
And at the end of the day, most of us hardly know the lady who's given us so much pleasure. She could be anyone behind those eyes. Anyone. Good, bad, evil, divine. Think about that for a moment. You don't know her, you don't know her baggage. And she will have some, brother, as I know you will have your own. She likely doesn't know you at all either. She would be right to be wary.
I'm not saying that it might not work out for the two of you. But the chances are so slim, and the impediments in your way are so large, that lasting happiness is so unlikely. It's truly a shot in the dark, as remote as a lottery win.
You asked me for my advice, brother. And mine to you is to have some variety. Keep reading the ads and reviews. Find other ladies who everyone's raving over. Go see them, give them a shot at knocking your socks off. And undoubtedly some of them will. And doing that will give you perspective in this terrible and wonderful hobby of ours. For it's most healthy for you to love the experiences, but not the ladies.
I can speak from experience that I know how hard it is to follow this advice, but look in your heart and see if it doesn't ring straight and true. Good luck, brother.
