nothing left in the tank, im running on empty

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sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,016
9
38
don't know how to say this, so, if it comes out all wrong forgive me,
and don't read things into it or over think it.

say my sp last night of a dozen years or so,
we got seriously drunk and put all our emotions out there,
and our thoughts concerning us as a couple

not going to go into the dirty details or who won and lost,
it doesn't really fuckin matter,


I came home and wasn't really anything,
I should have been happy or sad or bitter angry jealous, or filled with joy.


but realized I have nothing left in the tank im running on fumes when it comes to I give a fuck,
and its not to say I lost or even won in 12 years
if anything,
it is to be continued with me and my sp,


but im old and have been through so fucking much in my life,
dad in jail parents dying under mysteries circumstances etc etc,
it just goes fucking on and on.

I don`t want this to be a sob story,
it is a story,
I don`t give a fuck any more,

and I seriously don`t know why,,


oh I will dust myself off and carry on. I always have,

but something is missing, lost

maybe im just fucking pissed off of the fucking stupidity of this fucking pathetic life.

yeah I know seeing an sp is not about falling in love or emotions,
but you see some one for a dozen years, and you feel nothing something is wrong with you,

and it actually went well, we are both mature adults and care for each other deeply
so no drama there never will be drama, between her and me, we respect and care for each other to much

maybe that is what is pissing me off, no drama, no yelling and screaming or fits of rage,
we discussed things calmly and rationally

it is funny, we both used this hobby as a safety net,
we knew we cared for each other had feelings for the other for a long time
but I continued to pay her, she never gave my money back,

so we could tell each other, this is only business
a business arrangement between two people that happen to be friends.
we kept it that way to keep the complications out of it,

what the fuck it still got complicated, we couldn`t stop it.

shit,

comment laugh if you want,
but don`t give advice,
im a big boy
been around the block too many times to count.

I will do what I do,
I just had to tell somebody,
 
F

FreeG

Well-known member
Dec 25, 2015
549
338
63
I hear ya. Sometimes just venting off is all the therapy one needs.

I’ll respect your request for no advice. So dont go for a hike or bike as the sun rises. Don’t go for a solo camp in the middle of nowhere. Don’t book a flight to somewhere completely different than where you live now.

;-)
 
badbadboy

badbadboy

Well-known member
Nov 2, 2006
9,547
300
83
In Lust Mostly
I used to see one SP almost exclusively and after a lousy date or argument, I'd move on for an extended period.

Sometimes for six months or more. Once it was 18 months.

It seemed to repair all that ailed me. Now I consciously see a few SP's a number of times so I don't really get too close.

Food for thought, have you become too close?
 
D

ddcanz

curmudgeon
Feb 27, 2012
2,689
19
38
right here and now
sevenofnine said:
don't know how to say this, so, if it comes out all wrong forgive me,
and don't read things into it or over think it.

say my sp last night of a dozen years or so,
we got seriously drunk and put all our emotions out there,
and our thoughts concerning us as a couple

not going to go into the dirty details or who won and lost,
it doesn't really fuckin matter,


I came home and wasn't really anything,
I should have been happy or sad or bitter angry jealous, or filled with joy.


but realized I have nothing left in the tank im running on fumes when it comes to I give a fuck,
and its not to say I lost or even won in 12 years
if anything,
it is to be continued with me and my sp,


but im old and have been through so fucking much in my life,
dad in jail parents dying under mysteries circumstances etc etc,
it just goes fucking on and on.

I don`t want this to be a sob story,
it is a story,
I don`t give a fuck any more,

and I seriously don`t know why,,


oh I will dust myself off and carry on. I always have,

but something is missing, lost

maybe im just fucking pissed off of the fucking stupidity of this fucking pathetic life.

yeah I know seeing an sp is not about falling in love or emotions,
but you see some one for a dozen years, and you feel nothing something is wrong with you,

and it actually went well, we are both mature adults and care for each other deeply
so no drama there never will be drama, between her and me, we respect and care for each other to much

maybe that is what is pissing me off, no drama, no yelling and screaming or fits of rage,
we discussed things calmly and rationally

it is funny, we both used this hobby as a safety net,
we knew we cared for each other had feelings for the other for a long time
but I continued to pay her, she never gave my money back,

so we could tell each other, this is only business
a business arrangement between two people that happen to be friends.
we kept it that way to keep the complications out of it,

what the fuck it still got complicated, we couldn`t stop it.

shit,

comment laugh if you want,
but don`t give advice,
im a big boy
been around the block too many times to count.

I will do what I do,
I just had to tell somebody,
Click to expand...
You're seeing a regular and singular SP for over a decade while staying in a marriage.
Yup- on some levels I get where you're coming from and can understand the "fuck it" mentality.
Like you say- pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry forward. You will do what you do.
As we all do.

Best wishes with that....:peace:
 
S

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,016
9
38
I should know not to post,
so soon after well I don't know im feeling it. or just fucking pissing tired of everything,


but on the contrary im not dumped at all.
the offer was to take it to the next level.
if I understand her signals right.

you know how stressful it is.
two women on the go,
happily married yet entertaining a women on the side,
guilt, life is good, if im caught, not so much.

in some ways I wish she did fucking dump me.

but my god she treated me nice,
very difficult to say no the way she took care of me,

easy decision to make when I was younger and horny as hell walking around with a hard on my wife wouldn't take care of.
fast forward ten years or so, and I have this beautiful mature sexy lady, willy to get me hard and take care of it.
just wanting to take care of me period,
 
M

Mrmotorscooter

Well-known member
Dec 19, 2017
1,553
2,336
113
If she is still making you hard see her as a blessing soon enough you could be sitting in a lazy boy with a picture of your last hardon beside your fireplace. The only pussy you will make purr will be your cat!
 
M

maxic

Active member
Aug 16, 2016
241
28
28
That is exactly why I will never get too emotionally involved with paying for fun arrangements, IMO I have to separate the 2 worlds with 1 pay as you go time slotted sex filled fun experiences with pro sps and having real relationships say in dating woman outside this sp world. To be a pro sp takes certain mentality and is not for everyone they just think in different ways that's just the way it is ..IMO
 
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