MEN: Why Do Men Cheat?

[Nookie Monster]

I guess I am not alone. This story is so much like mine. I did cheat on my wife once many years ago and I call it cheating because we became EMOTIONALLY involved.

That was many years ago, and since then the sex with my wife has slowly dwindled to NIL. She is 5 years older and maybe that is part of it, but she never really did have a high sex drive.

As one can really continue like this and starts thinking of options. First leaving is financially a bad idea, besides the other aspects of the relationship are ok. Finding another married woman for sex, married because she may not want to be emotionally involved either, is not easy and still haas a certain amout of risk. So for about 7 months I starting thinking that the best option was to seek an SP.

There is a detachment but yet a certain amount of, well a girlfriend experience with an SP. So finally a month ago I did seek my first SP. And it was as I thought it would be.

I was furfilled, and had a great time. The best part was that I came from it, NOT feeling that I had cheated. And it doesn't weigh on my mind, and I will continue.

Maybe I have thought about it so long, that I have 'rationalized it', but I do feel that in my case I am not cheating since I am not doing something that my wife is doing to me - so I am not taking something away from her.

I DO feel that I am cheating myself if I don't seek the sex that I am not getting. I can also get resentful towards my wife for NOT having sex with me, and that makes me feel MORE cheated.

So for me, and I speak for myself, this wokrs very well and I will continue for a while longer. However, I am also aware of the possibility that she may once again get the urge, and when she does, I'll be there and then I will LIKELY discontinue seeing SP's. Or I will have to consider the other options, because now it wouldbe cheating.

I hope this all makes sense

Nube, I believe you have captured the essence of why pooning exists and the thought process some if not most of the SP clients have made. Your statement that there would be ongoing resentment towards our wives from withholding sex for whatever reasons is SO true. I feel more relaxed and mentally refreshed when I do have intimacy with my wife than if I would have had to save myself for her for weeks before we made love.

I think an interesting follow-up poll would be "how frequently do you have sex with your partner..." and whether "the frequency is determined by the pooner or their partner..."

Thanks for this thread as it makes some compelling observations.

Nookie Monster

 

[cockkhound]

I'll answer this honestly, I cheat to even the score. She works as an escort and I fuck other girls to even the score. Need balance.

 

[athaire]

So if the wife was the one cheating on you with multiple partners, that would be okay with you?


If your in a sexless loveless marriage then get out of it. If your staying for the kids your not doing them any favor's. They will know all it not well. Life is too shot to live like that.

My situation is not the one I was using. Perhaps I could have put that in a different manner, was early in the morning......
I have encouraged her to persue other options with the hope that a little variety will reignite her spark. If she were seeing others.....fine as long as she isn't allowing it affect our situation. There are also other issues that need not be put out there, but trust that we are working on them as we speak. The kids are great and know that things are rough at times but all relationships are up and down. And what favors would I be doing my kids by breaking up the family to serve my own selfish needs? I do love my family and so I stay to try and make it work. But thank you for the speech and advice.......

 

[sarahpassion]

I think women are definetly the sneakier sex!

From what many clients tell me, they still love and are very attracted to their wives, but for some reason or another there is no sex in the champagne room.

Men cheat for the pure physical aspect of it. Where women don't generally cheat just to get off. We (as women) cheat for that approval, that closeness that sometimes lacks in relationships. I think what women do is worse because it isn't about the physical, it's more the emotional. Now if a woman is emotioanally happy she probably won't stray just to get some, where a man would.

Also the previous poster saying women cheat to find someone else before they leave their current I think both sexes do that. It is easier to close one door when another is already open.

 

[Randy Whorewald]

My situation is not the one I was using. Perhaps I could have put that in a different manner, was early in the morning......
I have encouraged her to persue other options with the hope that a little variety will reignite her spark. If she were seeing others.....fine as long as she isn't allowing it affect our situation. There are also other issues that need not be put out there, but trust that we are working on them as we speak. The kids are great and know that things are rough at times but all relationships are up and down. And what favors would I be doing my kids by breaking up the family to serve my own selfish needs? I do love my family and so I stay to try and make it work. But thank you for the speech and advice.......

I agree with that Athaire - thanks for the very logical rationale!

 

[TheRater]

Fuck you..........when you get into a sexless and often loveless marriage that has spawned kids we'll see how judgemental you are then........

You DID see the little symbol at the bottom of my post right? And the fact that I have not engaged in marriage seeking behaviour for the past 20 years also should be spelling something out.

Reading comprehension FTW!

- TR

 

[LaCreme]

do you love me?

I guess I am not alone. This story is so much like mine. I did cheat on my wife once many years ago and I call it cheating because we became EMOTIONALLY involved.

I hope this all makes sense

now you and David you break my hart

 

[kewljag]

Not always lack of sex

I have a friend that has been seeing SP for the past 4-5 years. He considers he IS cheating on his wife. He says he loves his wife immensely, has absolutely no intention of ever leaving her and it is not for the lack of sex she would provide him, if he wanted it.

He has a psychological disorder called Madonna/Whore complex - yes, it does exist

It is when a man is brought up by a cold and distant mother. He seeks out a woman to marry that will fulfill the affection he missed out on as a child. The problem with this is, although the woman is nurturing, she is not the kind he wants to fuck (that is left for what he considers "dirty" women - i.e. SP's). His wife is seen as "pure" and untouchable. They respect their wife, not the "whore" they fuck. The two just don't go together.

Believe it or not, this is real and he is seeing a psychologist for it as he wants to stop seeing the SP's and develop an honest sex life with his wife

 

[LaCreme]

I have a friend that has been seeing SP for the past 4-5 years. He considers he IS cheating on his wife. He says he loves his wife immensely, has absolutely no intention of ever leaving her and it is not for the lack of sex she would provide him, if he wanted it.

He has a psychological disorder called Madonna/Whore complex - yes, it does exist

It is when a man is brought up by a cold and distant mother. He seeks out a woman to marry that will fulfill the affection he missed out on as a child. The problem with this is, although the woman is nurturing, she is not the kind he wants to fuck (that is left for what he considers "dirty" women - i.e. SP's). His wife is seen as "pure" and untouchable. They respect their wife, not the "whore" they fuck. The two just don't go together.

Believe it or not, this is real and he is seeing a psychologist for it as he wants to stop seeing the SP's and develop an honest sex life with his wife

that sad to see that he is not the only one to be brought up by a cold mother...if he get the change to fuck his wife right i hope they make healthy baby and i hope is will be a girl and i HOPE SHE BECAME A WHORE!
and you will understand. thanks you

 

[athaire]

No offense, but as we speak you are spending 24 hrs on Perb and T/E/R/F

LOL.......not by a long shot.......

 

[athaire]

You DID see the little symbol at the bottom of my post right? And the fact that I have not engaged in marriage seeking behaviour for the past 20 years also should be spelling something out.

Reading comprehension FTW!

- TR

Not sure what you symbol means and the fact your not married doesn't mean you won't be someday. Just didn't like the judgemental tone that early in the morning. Its always easy to pass judgement on others but until you've walked a mile in their shoes, you should really consider every statement you make. And I don't need reading comprehension.....Just because I don't choose to read between the lines doesn't mean I don't understand. But thank you for the suggestion.

 

[massimor]

It's just that every guy cheats for defferent reasons and motives..

 

[TheRater]

Not sure what you symbol means and the fact your not married doesn't mean you won't be someday. Just didn't like the judgemental tone that early in the morning. Its always easy to pass judgement on others but until you've walked a mile in their shoes, you should really consider every statement you make. And I don't need reading comprehension.....Just because I don't choose to read between the lines doesn't mean I don't understand. But thank you for the suggestion.

The symbol means that I have had a vasectomy. Pretty easy to look up. I had it the day I turned 25 which was the youngest I could find any doctor that would do it.

I don't date, I don't go to bars, I don't pick up women, in fact I have never had a girlfriend and never tried to get one. That right there should tell you that I am not really a good candidate for marriage.

And I GET to judge because I DON'T make the same mistakes that most guys make in the marriage/relationship/sex area, and because I do not cheat.

- TR

 

[Bourne]

Can you say you still truly love and/or truly respect a woman if you cheat on her? If you do cheat on her should you confess taking the chance she may leave you? Or is it better not to confess and avoid confilct all together?

I think it is in all men to cheat. It's just the danger thing...exiting and tempting. Better to left things unsaid...some things are better not mentioning.

 

[athaire]

The symbol means that I have had a vasectomy. Pretty easy to look up. I had it the day I turned 25 which was the youngest I could find any doctor that would do it.

I don't date, I don't go to bars, I don't pick up women, in fact I have never had a girlfriend and never tried to get one. That right there should tell you that I am not really a good candidate for marriage.

And I GET to judge because I DON'T make the same mistakes that most guys make in the marriage/relationship/sex area, and because I do not cheat.

- TR

Hmmmmmm.......interesting meaning on the symbol. Couldn't be bothered to look it up so thanx for the info.
I find it interesting that someone with NO experiance in the relationship dept. would feel qualified to judge the actions of others that are in relationships......... So am I reading a "holier than thou" attitude between the lines or am I off base?

 

[Avery]

So am I reading a "holier than thou" attitude between the lines?

Yes.

Maybe he's a priest.

 

[TheRater]

Hmmmmmm.......interesting meaning on the symbol. Couldn't be bothered to look it up so thanx for the info.
I find it interesting that someone with NO experiance in the relationship dept. would feel qualified to judge the actions of others that are in relationships......... So am I reading a "holier than thou" attitude between the lines or am I off base?

More a pissed off at being lumped in with the rest of the cheats attitude. Unlike what appears to be the majority, I had enough forethought to not get into 'a loveless marriage with kids' and so I don't 'have to cheat just to get some affection' as has been posted in threads like this in the past.

Who says that just becuase I am not in a relationship that I have no basis to judge? All the reasons you gave for cheating, and all the crap that is involved in (most) relationships are things I already know. Just because I chose to avoid all of that does not mean no or lack of experience.

Maybe it indicates even more knowledge and experience rather than less?

And no, not a priest, I don't feel the slightest attraction for little boys. But you go right ahead if thats what cranks your turn.

- TR

 

[LaCreme]

Hmmmmmm.......interesting meaning on the symbol. Couldn't be bothered to look it up so thanx for the info.
I find it interesting that someone with NO experiance in the relationship dept. would feel qualified to judge the actions of others that are in relationships......... So am I reading a "holier than thou" attitude between the lines or am I off base?

please don't go too hard on him.. because everyone in here talk for himself..
if you don't see your self in him that the right time to post your vision. is not easy to find the perfect relationship. maybe that why they cheat to see if they are missing something.. i know by cheating it hurt the other person specially if they are sensitive like me because i only had one real boyfriend.

i don't know if you saw the movie spiderman3**spiderman did give a kiss to a nother girl and the "fiance" became jealous or simply confuse about it..
she told him "that was our kiss you gave to her"**for myself it was powerful meaning. because i felt funny about it.. i was like dude she right. no hart feeling that why i dont kiss pooner after all i had to go threw i still feel good about myself...

 

[metoo113]

More a pissed off at being lumped in with the rest of the cheats attitude. Unlike what appears to be the majority, I had enough forethought to not get into 'a loveless marriage with kids' and so I don't 'have to cheat just to get some affection' as has been posted in threads like this in the past.

Who says that just becuase I am not in a relationship that I have no basis to judge? All the reasons you gave for cheating, and all the crap that is involved in (most) relationships are things I already know. Just because I chose to avoid all of that does not mean no or lack of experience.

Maybe it indicates even more knowledge and experience rather than less?

And no, not a priest, I don't feel the slightest attraction for little boys. But you go right ahead if thats what cranks your turn.

- TR

Sorry but from what you've said you are not qualified to talk about relationships. You have no idea what it's like to meet a girl and get to know her, then fall in love and marry. You have two or three kids and then it starts. She wants to be with you but she just doesn't feel like sex tonight or any night. So do you cheat or do you give her lots of money and say goodbye to your kids. You have no experience with this sort of thing so you should not be commenting on it.

 

[athaire]

Sorry but from what you've said you are not qualified to talk about relationships. You have no idea what it's like to meet a girl and get to know her, then fall in love and marry. You have two or three kids and then it starts. She wants to be with you but she just doesn't feel like sex tonight or any night. So do you cheat or do you give her lots of money and say goodbye to your kids. You have no experience with this sort of thing so you should not be commenting on it.

Thank you......I kind of see it like this, if your not into relationships, and have gone out of your way to stay out of them and never have children. Then you should perhaps shut your trap about those of us who have taken the steps and are still in good and bad situations......I find it amusing that there is such intolerant attitudes toward infidelity on an Escort Review board.....

He reminds me of Large Lips and her stating she didn't want to be reviewed. Fine you don't want to be a part of the process so shut the fuck up about what is going on then as you don't care to be involved.....