Leading someone on... or not

[NDog090]

I had the same thing happen recently. Met a new local SP in the beginning of June. Because of hers and my busy schedule, we've only met twice so far. We made arrangements to meet today but so far I haven't heard back from her. One time, she didn't reply back until 4 days later which is understandable.

Hope if I ever hear back from her this week, I can get some closure.

 

[Mishababy]

full honest transparency:

In my personal experience it’s best to wait until the girl approaches first. If we actually do want to see you outside of work we will let you know. I’ve had to “divorce” a lot of my old favourite regulars because they got feelings and wanted to date and while I loved their company i don’t want do date. They often would get inappropriate (start getting jealous or possessive) and then we have no other choice than to cut them off. It sucks for us too cause you lose a good client you cared about.

You wanna enjoy your career but any person who meets someone through SW has to realize this is our job. I have a few regulars I love hanging out with and get super excited for our bookings cause they make work fun! But that’s what it is, this is our job and what we do, to provide a bit of a fantasy, we want you to feel good and enjoy your time!

it can be really hard to turn down clients sometimes. You don’t want them to get upset and lose them, so you feel obligated to be polite. Unfortunately 100% of clients who want to move from the client/provider to something more end up not being able to see again. Asking an SP out is a huge risk because the chances are you’re setting yourself up for this exact situation.

Sorry for the rant it’s just been on my mind a lot recently! Best advice I can give would be to let the girl approach you if she wants and if not just keep going with the flow. SPs can’t lead people on as this is literally what we are being hired to do.

 

[Mishababy]

Is it possible she gave him her number and humored him with texts to have him return for more paid sessions?

I mean possibly, but also this is her job and you don’t want to lose clients. The point of a job is to create income. It’s also really hard to turn down ppl sometimes! you never know how they will react. I had to get a restraining order from a client who got so obsessed when I told them I wasn’t interested they threatened to send hit men over to my apartment to kill me 🙃

 

[Mishababy]

I think in certain service industries , the female waitress or bartender may intentionally flirt with the customers so they could get more tips. But in all services, all the female has to do is say “ I have a bf“ and that basically ends the inquiry on the male half In a positive ( although disappointed way ). I don’t think there will be many people who will insist on asking you out after they have received that piece of info. I know this is a over simplistic view of things though .

you would be surprised how often that doesn’t matter though! They will still try to pursue you sometimes. I’ve told clients I’m queer and only date women (but like having sex with men) and they straight up kept trying

 

[Mishababy]

It may very well be. I meant that as a general statement about moving on, because we rarely get the answers we are looking for. The fact that his friend felt the need to come here and talk about it has me believing this may be more than normal interest in a person....but I'm really trying to not be so skeptical about life and people. I do see what you see in this particular case, but I require a little more flesh to a story before I'm sure though. I also appreciate the dangers you are speaking of about telling someone no (i.e. recent attack at massage parlor). This type of behavior isn't the norm though is it? How often do you have to ban someone for bad behavior? I ask because I really have no idea how often you have to deal with really bad behavior. I mean bad, not just because the dude liked Erin O'Toole. Do you really feel in that much danger?

In the three years I’ve been in this industry I’ve had a lot of violent attacks/assaults/robbed/disrespected etc. Now I’m more experienced I screen clients better and have a good regular following but you would be surprised the situations I would be stuck in sometimes. I have a restraining order on a client I saw ONCE who threatened to murder me (because I rejected his offer to hang outside of work) he would show up to my apartment and try to get past security. This is only one example of many unfortunately.

there are tons of GREAT guys that I love to see but there are a lot of bad ones too, and you never really know how they will react. For new clients i probably have about 80% who are either no-shows, aggressive, disrespectful of boundaries, rip you off, etc.You also get climatized to certain behaviours so you get used to the trauma after a while. The 20% of clients I do end up keeping are amazing though and make my day so much better when I see them! It’s a huge gamble to meet new clients because you never know their true colours.

 

[Buddyguy66]

full honest transparency:

In my personal experience it’s best to wait until the girl approaches first. If we actually do want to see you outside of work we will let you know. I’ve had to “divorce” a lot of my old favourite regulars because they got feelings and wanted to date and while I loved their company i don’t want do date. They often would get inappropriate (start getting jealous or possessive) and then we have no other choice than to cut them off. It sucks for us too cause you lose a good client you cared about.

You wanna enjoy your career but any person who meets someone through SW has to realize this is our job. I have a few regulars I love hanging out with and get super excited for our bookings cause they make work fun! But that’s what it is, this is our job and what we do, to provide a bit of a fantasy, we want you to feel good and enjoy your time!

it can be really hard to turn down clients sometimes. You don’t want them to get upset and lose them, so you feel obligated to be polite. Unfortunately 100% of clients who want to move from the client/provider to something more end up not being able to see again. Asking an SP out is a huge risk because the chances are you’re setting yourself up for this exact situation.

Sorry for the rant it’s just been on my mind a lot recently! Best advice I can give would be to let the girl approach you if she wants and if not just keep going with the flow. SPs can’t lead people on as this is literally what we are being hired to do.

So well said and I believe this to be true

 

[jamasianman]

This is a very interesting topic. I think the number one thing that everyone needs to remember is to keep the time in perspective. If you see an sp once a week or twice a month, that's very little time spent with her compared to the full time conpared to sleeping, eating, working, free time, etc. There is 168 hours a week and 672 in a month, and you might be getting 1-3 hours of that time. And most of the time you are getting is intimate and fantasy. There isn't really enough time to really get to know each other or go deep in terms of conversation or how they are as a person vs when they are fulfilling your needs as a client.

The fact that OP's friend never got any social time with her outside of work is a big tell. Maybe she does have a lot going on, but if she wanted to see him she would have tried to make time for him. If all he got was some messaging than she probably realized it was going nowhere and/or didn't want a relationship to make things messy or potentially ruin a business connection. It would be no different if he met a one night stand and tried to pursue it and she didn't message back. People are very busy nowadays and its easier to ghost than cut things off officially. Remember that we see sp's to fulfill needs, its not a good place to look for relationships as it adds a bit of baggage even if a connection sparks. There's a lot of logistics that have to be addressed if you begin dating and its complex. Now obviously there are examples of people who have met within the industry but there aren't a ton. And nothing guarantees stability or longevity. Just remember to try and keep it professional

 

[Buddyguy66]

I've learned this lesson the hard way and still regret it when I think about it. 20 plus years ago as my relationship was going left, I was working with a peer closely on a project and we were frequently going out for lunch with our boss as we were all joining a new company, facing the unknown..a strength in numbers thing . I don't remember what triggered my feelings (I had known her for years) but reason abandoned me and I declared my love in a letter to her..in a way fortunate as if we had been with the new much bigger company I'm sure I would have lost my career for harassment, looking back. But she told our current boss (they were long time friends) and he very respectfully gave my head a shake..and fortunate for me, left it at that. But a head shake was indeed what I needed to get me thinking straight. We worked together in the new company on and off (same operation, different operations) for 12 years after that and I never brought it up, she never brought it up and thankfully that was that. I look back at it and wonder what the hell was I thinking at the moment I wrote that letter? Now it seems crazy. There were reasons why my relationship was on the rocks but was this the final catalyst? My kids were 2 and 7 at the time (now 24 and 29) and while I don't like to have regrets, I did miss a lot of my kids growing up time.

PS The subject of my "love" ended up hitting it off during a conference with another coworker and they've been happily married for like 15 years!!! Life is so F'ing strange sometimes.

 

[maniacalone]

In the three years I’ve been in this industry I’ve had a lot of violent attacks/assaults/robbed/disrespected etc. Now I’m more experienced I screen clients better and have a good regular following but you would be surprised the situations I would be stuck in sometimes. I have a restraining order on a client I saw ONCE who threatened to murder me (because I rejected his offer to hang outside of work) he would show up to my apartment and try to get past security. This is only one example of many unfortunately.

there are tons of GREAT guys that I love to see but there are a lot of bad ones too, and you never really know how they will react. For new clients i probably have about 80% who are either no-shows, aggressive, disrespectful of boundaries, rip you off, etc.You also get climatized to certain behaviours so you get used to the trauma after a while. The 20% of clients I do end up keeping are amazing though and make my day so much better when I see them! It’s a huge gamble to meet new clients because you never know their true colours.

Saddened to read what you have endured. Glad to hear you found a good group of clients to trust and reducing the need to meet unknowns.

Makes me think the legalization of the work in a red light district system would be better for all involved. It has become the wild west of dangers for both sides of late.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

I missed this thread first time around but as I see it now, I am thinking, OK we have been down this road, kinda, before but this time there is a lot more depth and a lot more heart felt comments. So, its about relationships is it? But a potential 'relationship' sprouting from a transactional arrangement where a contribution for sex is provided?

if anyone cares, this old pooner/player/etc has an opinion and some comments on the topic.

• If you are in the pooning game, you are making a transaction, wherein you are acquiring the time and services of a sex provider. THAT needs to be bottom line, and needs to be clear. The SP owes absolutely nothing more than exactly what the transaction is.
• In my opinion, if you are bringing feelings that are going to linger or are going to cause you to consider the above transaction as more than what is agreed upon, you are in the wrong game and need to check out IMMEDIATELY.
• IF the situation becomes more and it can as we are human, then I think a frank discussion should be had. If it is such that it is only one way and either you as the pooner are not able to see it is just from you, OR if the SP is so good at her game that she is "leading you on", or maybe she has developed feelings (but I don't think so, they are the professional here) then that needs to be disclosed. Then you go from there. Me? I would bail. No sense fucking me up more than I have been in the past.

I don't think there is anything more to it. If that discussion does not clear it up, then you have to check out. Emotions. We all have them, we all go through a lot of them and we all need to learn from those experiences.

I've had, I don't know, maybe 30 meaningful relationships, 2 marriages, lost track of the short term relationships. Maybe I'm a socio-psycho path and am able to effectively compartmentalize my feelings as I poon my way through life. I recall back in my university days I had a thing for this gal. Would see her 2-3 times a week, had sex a few times early on but it wasn't gelling and I missed it. Ended up as another pooner here did, wrote a letter professing love. Fuck what an embarrassment that was. Had to live with that a long time and still if I remember the details, get shudders thinking what a fucking idiot I was. Maybe that is what is needed for those of us of the male persuasion. An event that shakes you up, maybe even fucks you up, so you don't forget it.

Well, that is about all I have on that topic.
Happy pooning everyone (with emotions in check)

 

[Mishababy]

Saddened to read what you have endured. Glad to hear you found a good group of clients to trust and reducing the need to meet unknowns.

Makes me think the legalization of the work in a red light district system would be better for all involved. It has become the wild west of dangers for both sides of late.

i 100% agree it should be decriminalized and legal. With proper regulations it’s safer for everyone, and we can gain access to medical, or government services to help citizens in need (for example: I couldn’t work when Covid first happened cause I have an autoimmune disease so I couldn’t risk it, but I also didn’t qualify for CERB. I was not working to be safe with no financial help so I ended up losing all my savings and I’m in terrible debt. I also need a medical device called a Cpap machine that costs 3k and isn’t covered so I’m struggling to save up for that.) These are all things you don’t think of when you get into this industry and I think it would be better for all parties involved.

Clients will also be safer and have less risks of being ripped off, pimps would not be as prominent… it’s been proven in other countries that decriminalized SW have way less casualties etc.

sorry for the rant I’m just very passionate about harm reduction and decriminalization 😝

 

[angry anderson]

Women are tricky. That's why they call us "tricks".