Ladies ~ Reference check etiquette

[Lady Companion]

I'm posting here what I thought would be common sense, but apparently isn't.

Ladies, when you ask for a reference on a potential suitor, the correspondence is meant to be confidential!

I would never share identifying details about a suitor, but will usually make a comment about something to enhance the experience for both of you. For example, his favourite color is red, he loves his massages to be deep tissues, and his beverage of choice is Gray Goose and Soda etc. That part is meant for you to take on board and surprise him with your thoughtfulness. (and honestly, if you let him know I mentioned those aspects, that is fine)

It is NOT acceptable for you to tell him about anything constructive or negative I may have to say.......especially when you add to that - I won't see you because Angel said xyz. That is meant entirely for you to plan accordingly and to determine if you would like to meet with him or not. I am trying to be helpful here, and I really don't need to deal with 20 ranting messages from him because he thinks I am trash talking him.

Examples of what I may share in this vein are: He tends to run half an hour late. He has a really loud voice. He is great when he comes, but cancels with less than an hour notice half the time. Boundary issues. Sends multiple social emails and text messages every day for weeks after meeting etc.

If you choose not to see him because of something I have mentioned, use common sense and figure out a reason to decline the liaison that doesn't involve bringing me or any lady providing you the reference into it. Just say your schedule has changed, you aren't comfortable offering a service he is looking for, you don't feel the chemistry etc.

The last thing I want to do is make anybody feel bad, and I am only giving you this information because you asked, and I want the two of you to have the best possible experience. Please reciprocate with common sense and respect and leave me out of any drama.

 

[Alix Turner]

this should be a sticky, great post!

I'd like to add, ladies, I know it might seem to go without saying but please don't say "yes he was fine" if you don't actually remember the client but you don't want to look bad. Ask for more info if you have to but please keep in mind references are about safety not promoting your image, and they don't work if we aren't honest (with discretion.) Your reference might be what gets this guy in the door for who knows what reason and you are helping him with that agenda.

 

[Peyton Anders]

this should be a sticky, great post!

I'd like to add, ladies, I know it might seem to go without saying but please don't say "yes he was fine" if you don't actually remember the client but you don't want to look bad. Ask for more info if you have to but please keep in mind references are about safety not promoting your image, and they don't work if we aren't honest (with discretion.) Your reference might be what gets this guy in the door for who knows what reason and you are helping him with that agenda.

This this this.

A simple "I have seen him but I don't remember anything about the visit" is infinitly better than fudging "it was fine".

 

[Vitargo]

Just had to do first screening check with a girl I'm hoping to see. Wanted name,email,ph#, but also wanted occupation and name of company does that seem to much or is that common? They also wanted some references of girls I've seen before which have only been 3 and have only seen them once, are you guys okay with guys like me just giving another girl i want to see your information without asking you first or should I contact you and say hey I wanna see this other girl can I give them your info so they can contact you? As I'm new It would help me also on etiquette for how to go about reference checks.

 

[badbadboy]

Just had to do first screening check with a girl I'm hoping to see. Wanted name,email,ph#, but also wanted occupation and name of company does that seem to much or is that common? They also wanted some references of girls I've seen before which have only been 3 and have only seen them once, are you guys okay with guys like me just giving another girl i want to see your information without asking you first or should I contact you and say hey I wanna see this other girl can I give them your info so they can contact you? As I'm new It would help me also on etiquette for how to go about reference checks.

I've requested references on a few occasions and each time I was given the green light from the SP's I'd had the pleasure of visiting. I think the SP's see this as a professional courtesy and it helps their colleagues as well as the pooner. What goes around, comes around so don't hesitate asking for references if you've had event free dates.

 

[BORKO]

Just had to do first screening check with a girl I'm hoping to see. Wanted name,email,ph#, but also wanted occupation and name of company does that seem to much or is that common? They also wanted some references of girls I've seen before which have only been 3 and have only seen them once, are you guys okay with guys like me just giving another girl i want to see your information without asking you first or should I contact you and say hey I wanna see this other girl can I give them your info so they can contact you? As I'm new It would help me also on etiquette for how to go about reference checks.

Is that in addition to a reference from a SP or as an alternative to a reference?

Seems real intrusive to me especially if that's in addition to a reference..

 

[Lady Companion]

are you guys okay with guys like me just giving another girl i want to see your information without asking you first or should I contact you and say hey I wanna see this other girl can I give them your info so they can contact you? As I'm new It would help me also on etiquette for how to go about reference checks.

You should always let the lady you have previously seen know you will be using her as a reference (or ask if it is ok, if you aren't sure). This is for a number of reasons.

First of all, for your discretion. We don't want to be confirming, even with an established companion, that we have met with somebody unless we know that the gentlemen is in fact wanting a reference. There have been instances of ladies trying to catch a friends boyfriend or husband, or even their own parter in an act of infidelity by sending out a request for a reference check to all the local ladies and seeing if anybody has seen him. There have also been cases of scorned companions whom a gentlemen is no longer seeing, or visiting less frequently that will do the same thing in order to figure out where the gentlemen is now going.

Secondly - we are doing you a favour by providing you a reference. Make it easy on us. We want to be helpful, but we don't want to spend half our day trying to figure out who you are or if we have met you. This is particularly true when the lady checking for the reference doesn't have much information on you. "Have you seen John with a phone number 123-4567"?

You would be surprised at how many reference requests come through with just a name, just a number or just an email address, and no other information. Nothing to remind me of our time together, and often not even the same contact information that was used when they did see me.

Be courteous and respectful of our time. We realize that one of the luxuries of visiting companions is that you have many options. We aren't jealous. We don't feel like we own you. We want you to have fun, and live a beautiful life filled with joy and experiences! No reputable lady is going to be angry, upset or hurt if you see another companion.

So send us an email or give us a call letting us know the following:

1) A hello and reminder of who you are. Include such information as when we met (or last time we met) and any details that are particular to you. Of course, if we know one another well, details won't be necessary. If you aren't sure, make sure you say more than "Hi, it's John. I met you 5 years ago at your condo on Burrard. Can you give me a reference".

2) Do not confuse a reminder of our time together with telling me information about me. I already know about me, so saying that you know I have white dog or a PhD in xyz is NOT helpful in recalling our time together - especially if it has been a while. We need particulars on YOU so we can recall the details of our liaison.

3) Let us know who the reference is going to be for.

Here is an example of what a request for a reference should contain

Hi Angel,

This is John Smith. I am hoping to visit with ___________ next week, and was wondering if you could provide a reference for me.

To jog your memory, I am a 45-year-old accountant with a Labradoodle named Charlie. On our last visit, I shared with you photos of my trip to China. I have a small tattoo of a Canadian flag on my right shoulder and you commented on how much more cut my shoulder are now that I am swimming 3 times a week. We have met 5 times in the last two years, most recently in March. On our last visit I brought you a bouquet of gerber daisies and we sat on the balcony for while, watching the sun set as we sipped wine and nibbled your home made chocolates. I also mentioned that I would be travelling to France for a cousins wedding, and you shared with me some of your favourite restaurants in Paris.

Please let me know if you need any further information. If you prefer to contact Jane directly, her email address is _________________ and her phone number is ________________

 

[Alix Turner]

I wish you had more time to post on perb Angel, because you are exactly what is missing

 

[Vitargo]

Thanks so much verry helpful. Unfortunately I may have dropped the ball a little bit.

 

[Cami Parker]

True! It's a a game you should even have to mention that...

And if I may add another point in regards to reference check etiquette, this one for the guys:
Gentleman, if you intend to use me as a reference for another SP, that's great but please let me know you are going to do this. The worst is getting an unexpected email from a random lady (sometimes in a different city, or even a different country) saying "hi, what can you tell me about a gentleman named so-and-so? He said he saw you once a few months ago."
If you want to use me as a reference that's no problem, just send me an email letting me know that you did so or intend to do so, and the name of the lady I should expect to be contacted by. If you aren't a regular visitor, a few words to refresh my memory in regards to our most recent date would be greatly appreciated.