So I get out of the shower to see the stunning Ms. Kendra standing in the doorway with crossed arms and foot tapping. She’s wearing white, but so little it’s easy to miss it. She’s so pretty. She’s also pretty angry.
Ms. Kendra: “You @#$%ing TOLD on me.”
Rabbit: “Count your blessings. I could have told…” *gulps, and quickly looks left and right, just to be sure* “…YouKnowWho.”
Ms. Kendra (shedding the white things and moving toward the table): “My blessings? I’m pretty sure that would turn out worse for you than for me….”
I’m pretty sure she was right. But that didn’t really matter now – FINALLY Ms. Kendra was in a room with me… and she was nekkid… and she was laying out all of her “tools of the trade” on the table (well, not all for them… one was pondered briefly, and dismissed back to her bag).
At first, I thought I would move closer to see what she was doing… but, as I got closer, and close, and closer, I soon found myself… “nose to cheek”. And I was enthralled. Completely.
Ms. Kendra, noting the uncommon quiet (and knowing better than to leave it like that), looks over her shoulder and sees me staring intently at her perfect loaf of Ambrosia. She seems to take some amusement in my fascination. She wiggled it to the left – and my nose move left involuntarily. She moved it to the right, and wouldn’t you know? The rabbit’s nose followed. She shook it back and forth quickly, and danged if I didn’t look like I was swishing mouthwash the whole time.
Messing with my head must have put her at ease, ‘cause she let down her guard for a minute (something she always comes to regret). And when I looked up at her curiously… and back at her bottom… and then back at her… and patronizes me and my obviously compromised speech ability by telling me “that’s my bum, sweetie. Can you say 'bum'?”
Rabbit: “B… b…..”
Ms. Kendra: “Bum.”
Rabbit: “B… buuuu….”
Ms. Kendra: “Bum.”
Rabbit: “Buuu… Bum.”
Ms. Kendra: “Yes, sweetie – bum.”
Rabbit: “Bum. Bum. Bum bum bum.”
Ms. Kendra: “Yeah yeah – bum.”
Rabbit (quite pleased with himself): “Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bummmm. Bum.”
Ms. Kendra (starting to realise her mistake, and trying to regain control in a situation that was largely getting uncontrollable): “That’s enough, honey.”
Rabbit (now up on his back haunches, proudly sharing his newly acquired skill): “BUM! BUM! BUM! BUM! BUM!”
Ms. Kendra: “Shut UP!”
Very quickly, it turned into a bit of a circus. There was some banging on the walls, and some irritated shouting outside of the room. Ms. Kendra was trying everything she could think of to ‘talk me down’. I think someone may have even offered to pay her to take me to Europe if it would shut me up (very kind of them, I’d say, but I’m pretty sure she is too busy for vacations right now… and besides, from the sounds of it, the Europe people could use the money more than either of us….). And through it all, I just couldn’t help repeatedly bellowing out “BUM! BUM!! BUM!!!”
So, next thing I know I’m pinned up against the shower door, suspended by my ears, with a bottle of body wash shoved throat deep in my mouth, staring into her sparkling (but somewhat exasperated) blue eyes. “Here’s the deal, rabbit.” She says, “It’s been a long day, and I’m not sure I can take this much longer. So if you knock off the racket, I’ll let you touch it for a moment.”
“Deal.” At least that’s what I tried to say – I still had a mouth full of “Fresh Spring”. So I tried to nod agreement… buuut, I’m still pinned, hanging by my ears. So I blinked once, and thereby entered into The Contract.
True to her word, Ms. Kendra let me go (albeit cautiously at first), and moved to the table. I followed in tow, and hopped up beside her remarkable, face-down frame. For all my bravado, at first, I didn’t really know what to do. After all, something that “hawt” MUST be hot, right? Still, like a moth to a flame, curiousity gets the better of me, and I tentatively poke it for just a second. It’s warm, to be sure, but I am unburned. It’s soft, but firm, and very pleasant to touch. I look up to her to see if it’s ok… if I’m doing it right… but she just rolls her beautiful peepers. So I go back to touching her bottom, much less cautiously now. So much so, that I could soon be mistaken for a baker. Or a cat. Yeah – a cat. Kneading and kneading and kneading. I get why they do that now… ‘cause it’s frickin’ FUN.
Soon the other senses start feeling deprived, however, and I can’t help but draw closer. A sniff... another sniff… and a couple more sniffs… . Yup - “Fresh Spring” again. But it’s a much better delivery vessel, in my opinion. So, I give it a little nuzzle. And a little nibble. And I look back up at Ms. Kendra… who has graduated from eye-rolling to a little head-shaking, but steadfastly sticking to her deal.
At this point, I move to frolicking with abandon. The best way to describe it is back to the cat metaphor… only now I’m like a cat who has found a dish full of catnip. And I get worked up… and worked up… and worked up… and soon I can’t control myself anymore… and I end up spontaneously blurting out “BUM!”
And with a stern “That’s it!”, I’m grabbed, and spun, and thrown down on the table; and this tanned, platinum haired beauty goes about “shutting me the hell up” for real this time.
For r-e-a-l.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
I’m really tired now, so I’m going to bed. Oh, and yeah… Kendra’s AWESOME.
Happy thumping, All!
P.S. Before you all feel too sorry for Ms. Kendra, you should know she also seemed to be “cheeky” in a few other ways this evening (“Ha. Ha. Anyways…”). I still reject the punch line of her cruel little joke, however, so I’m seriously considering booking her all winter to keep her from ever telling it again.
Ms. Kendra: “You @#$%ing TOLD on me.”
Rabbit: “Count your blessings. I could have told…” *gulps, and quickly looks left and right, just to be sure* “…YouKnowWho.”
Ms. Kendra (shedding the white things and moving toward the table): “My blessings? I’m pretty sure that would turn out worse for you than for me….”
I’m pretty sure she was right. But that didn’t really matter now – FINALLY Ms. Kendra was in a room with me… and she was nekkid… and she was laying out all of her “tools of the trade” on the table (well, not all for them… one was pondered briefly, and dismissed back to her bag).
At first, I thought I would move closer to see what she was doing… but, as I got closer, and close, and closer, I soon found myself… “nose to cheek”. And I was enthralled. Completely.
Ms. Kendra, noting the uncommon quiet (and knowing better than to leave it like that), looks over her shoulder and sees me staring intently at her perfect loaf of Ambrosia. She seems to take some amusement in my fascination. She wiggled it to the left – and my nose move left involuntarily. She moved it to the right, and wouldn’t you know? The rabbit’s nose followed. She shook it back and forth quickly, and danged if I didn’t look like I was swishing mouthwash the whole time.
Messing with my head must have put her at ease, ‘cause she let down her guard for a minute (something she always comes to regret). And when I looked up at her curiously… and back at her bottom… and then back at her… and patronizes me and my obviously compromised speech ability by telling me “that’s my bum, sweetie. Can you say 'bum'?”
Rabbit: “B… b…..”
Ms. Kendra: “Bum.”
Rabbit: “B… buuuu….”
Ms. Kendra: “Bum.”
Rabbit: “Buuu… Bum.”
Ms. Kendra: “Yes, sweetie – bum.”
Rabbit: “Bum. Bum. Bum bum bum.”
Ms. Kendra: “Yeah yeah – bum.”
Rabbit (quite pleased with himself): “Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bummmm. Bum.”
Ms. Kendra (starting to realise her mistake, and trying to regain control in a situation that was largely getting uncontrollable): “That’s enough, honey.”
Rabbit (now up on his back haunches, proudly sharing his newly acquired skill): “BUM! BUM! BUM! BUM! BUM!”
Ms. Kendra: “Shut UP!”
Very quickly, it turned into a bit of a circus. There was some banging on the walls, and some irritated shouting outside of the room. Ms. Kendra was trying everything she could think of to ‘talk me down’. I think someone may have even offered to pay her to take me to Europe if it would shut me up (very kind of them, I’d say, but I’m pretty sure she is too busy for vacations right now… and besides, from the sounds of it, the Europe people could use the money more than either of us….). And through it all, I just couldn’t help repeatedly bellowing out “BUM! BUM!! BUM!!!”
So, next thing I know I’m pinned up against the shower door, suspended by my ears, with a bottle of body wash shoved throat deep in my mouth, staring into her sparkling (but somewhat exasperated) blue eyes. “Here’s the deal, rabbit.” She says, “It’s been a long day, and I’m not sure I can take this much longer. So if you knock off the racket, I’ll let you touch it for a moment.”
“Deal.” At least that’s what I tried to say – I still had a mouth full of “Fresh Spring”. So I tried to nod agreement… buuut, I’m still pinned, hanging by my ears. So I blinked once, and thereby entered into The Contract.
True to her word, Ms. Kendra let me go (albeit cautiously at first), and moved to the table. I followed in tow, and hopped up beside her remarkable, face-down frame. For all my bravado, at first, I didn’t really know what to do. After all, something that “hawt” MUST be hot, right? Still, like a moth to a flame, curiousity gets the better of me, and I tentatively poke it for just a second. It’s warm, to be sure, but I am unburned. It’s soft, but firm, and very pleasant to touch. I look up to her to see if it’s ok… if I’m doing it right… but she just rolls her beautiful peepers. So I go back to touching her bottom, much less cautiously now. So much so, that I could soon be mistaken for a baker. Or a cat. Yeah – a cat. Kneading and kneading and kneading. I get why they do that now… ‘cause it’s frickin’ FUN.
Soon the other senses start feeling deprived, however, and I can’t help but draw closer. A sniff... another sniff… and a couple more sniffs… . Yup - “Fresh Spring” again. But it’s a much better delivery vessel, in my opinion. So, I give it a little nuzzle. And a little nibble. And I look back up at Ms. Kendra… who has graduated from eye-rolling to a little head-shaking, but steadfastly sticking to her deal.
At this point, I move to frolicking with abandon. The best way to describe it is back to the cat metaphor… only now I’m like a cat who has found a dish full of catnip. And I get worked up… and worked up… and worked up… and soon I can’t control myself anymore… and I end up spontaneously blurting out “BUM!”
And with a stern “That’s it!”, I’m grabbed, and spun, and thrown down on the table; and this tanned, platinum haired beauty goes about “shutting me the hell up” for real this time.
For r-e-a-l.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
I’m really tired now, so I’m going to bed. Oh, and yeah… Kendra’s AWESOME.
Happy thumping, All!
P.S. Before you all feel too sorry for Ms. Kendra, you should know she also seemed to be “cheeky” in a few other ways this evening (“Ha. Ha. Anyways…”). I still reject the punch line of her cruel little joke, however, so I’m seriously considering booking her all winter to keep her from ever telling it again.
