Just for the money? Duds, pros & fiends

[tantalizeme]

There’s the type of SP we read about in many reviews—duds with whom extracting anything but shoddy service is like pulling teeth.

In my pooning years, I've found the majority of SPs are pros who display a decent but somewhat routine lets-get-the–job-done attitude.

But several times now I’ve encountered ladies that give me a different impression—apparent sex fiends with an inspiringly robust appetite for erotic pleasure.

Is it all just pretense? I've a suspicious mind but, intuitively, I find this unbelievable. I tend to think for some SPs, a minority no doubt, erotic play becomes a centerpiece and driving force in their lives (just as it is for some of us pooners).

My theory is that when such a lady has done this job for a while (but not for an excessively long time)—and fully accepts it as a more congenial way to earn a living than feasible alternatives—the erotic areas in her brain more readily switch on, like a muscle that becomes stronger with frequent use.

Given the prevalence of sex-negative conditioning in most women's upbringing, perhaps money can serve as a way of helping an erotically fired-up lady give herself permission to express and enjoy her potential as a sexual being.

I’m always on the lookout for SPs like that. I’ve found PERB reviews helpful, not only to help me avoid duds, but also to locate some genuine "fiends."

 

[chuckanut]

I've found PERB reviews helpful, not only to help me avoid duds, but also to locate some genuine "fiends."

we all have dude. a very helpful resource.

-chuck

 

[vancity_cowboy]

I read a blog a while back about how a former prostitute felt that sex work had caused her to become a sex addict...

did she give any contact info?

 

[tantalizeme]

I read a blog a while back about how a former prostitute felt that sex work had caused her to become a sex addict...

I do think that this happens to some girls in the industry who really enjoy sex and grow accustomed to getting it x-number of times a day.

That's not to say all good SPs are sex addicts but I thought it was an interesting subject to toss into this thread

Thanks for your thoughtful response to my ruminations, eva—and if you ever find that blog again, please let me know.

I think people all-too-readily equate any highly erotic person with being a “sex addict”—which then traps them into the strongly negative connotations we associate with most kinds of addicts.

But I'm sure you agree, wanting to have erotic play and several orgasms every day isn’t as intrinsically destructive as being a compulsive gambler, alcoholic or drug addict.

So rather than using the term "sex addict" for erotically fired-up women I prefer words like “hottie,” “nympho,” “sexpot,” “sex fiend” and yes, even “slut”—all of which have highly positive connotations in my mind.

I loved your post here and found it very interesting. Your theory sounds like "classical conditioning". If only it were that easy - ring a bell to get a girl horny. lol Wine, red wine, also works extremely well

Thanks for reminding us of the power of wine to lower a lady's inhibitions, Miss Luxx. But of course, if there's not a sex fiend waiting to come out, a glass of wine won't magically transform someone with a humdrum sexuality.

It’s true, being a sex fiend might not be overly functional for the average housewife or office worker, but it’s a great trait for an SP to have, don’t you think?

Incidentially, Miss Luxx, are you back in circulation?

 

[cjac7214]

Great thread!

Tantalizeme

I like this thread and your thoughtful and intelligent style. There is no question that an SP that likes sex can make for a great experience.

Although my experience has been short (18 months, 13 women), it has always been important to me that the pleasure is mutual in my encounters (or at least desired by the other party if I fail to deliver). How do I separate the "fiends" from the duds? Research and intuition. I have a very simple rule that I stick to - I do not see women that have not been well reviewed because I don't want a shitty TOFTT experience to ruin a fantastic activity for me. PERB has been great of course. I stick to independents (this doesn't ensure they love what they do but at least I know who I am talking to, and I also really don't like that middle men make money off women's backs). I also rely on my intuition when I correspond with the women providing these services - a positive attitude, intelligence, humour and kindness can be discerned in correspondence and in a voice. Finally, I consider presentation and professionalism in how these women market themselves - an "I AM A HORNY SLUT'" ad with a crotch shot at 2:00 am on CL is probably not going to work out too well. So far so good - I have never had a bad experience, though I have had a few I wouldn't repeat.

The other reality is that you still have to bring out a woman's inner slut, no matter how much she might like sex. Respect, hygiene, attentiveness and a genuine interest in connecting with and pleasing women is second nature to me - humour and empathy also help. I like to get to know each other a bit and play the seduction game, even though I know its a "sure thing" and most pooners would consider it a waste of time.

So if you have read this far, here is your reward (if you prefer to have sex with women that prefer to have sex). My list of providers that love sex (I have reviewed three of these lovely women previously):

Emmy St. Claire (too bad she's in Victoria)
Erotic Christine
Lovely Lily
Estella (only gal I have seen without a website but very well-reviewed)
Allysa George (she's really more of a sugar baby)
Sweet Elisse

There were a couple of others but they are no longer in the business. As always, YMWV but from these women I have heard comments like "Since I am a nympho, I may as well get paid". Way better than mechanical sex. And then there is my favourite all-time text from one of my lucky finds - "I want to fuck" followed by "It's a freeby - when can you get here?". Yup, she likes sex. Don't bother to ask who this was and I will also say that it was the only time this ever happened, and I consider it to be the pooning equivalent of winning the lottery.

Any sex fiends that read this, please PM me.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Thanks for your thoughtful response to my ruminations, eva—and if you ever find that blog again, please let me know.

I think people all-too-readily equate any highly erotic person with being a “sex addict”—which then traps them into the strongly negative connotations we associate with most kinds of addicts.

But I'm sure you agree, wanting to have erotic play and several orgasms every day isn’t as intrinsically destructive as being a compulsive gambler, alcoholic or drug addict.

So rather than using the term "sex addict" for erotically fired-up women I prefer words like “hottie,” “nympho,” “sexpot,” “sex fiend” and yes, even “slut”—all of which have highly positive connotations in my mind.

Funny, I personally don't feel nympho has a positive connotation although that might be debatable and vary.

But slut in society definitely doesn't have a positive connotation at all and actually is meant to brand a woman as one of lower morals - it's meant as an insult and to infer that she should be looked down upon. I mean, it's not likely to be part of qualities you list when you're telling your friends about your fiance or wife, is it? Sex pot? Perhaps. Nympho, even. But very doubtful you'll be bragging about having found a slut. While I can agree that it could be accepted by some and within a certain context, in general the word has quite a negative, judgmental connotation that implies questionable behaviour. IMO.


But I agree with you about the term sexual addiction. I think simply having a high libido is seen as suspicious to most people so the "addiction" has been used as a scapegoat to avoid dealing with the unrealistic expectations of monogamy as an only option, one that many people are simply not able to meet. It's easier to blame it on some uncontrollable disease that makes good people do "bad" things, than it is to accept that monogamy simply might not be suitable for everyone and therefore not the only proper, acceptable or "good" option. Or to realize that it is the guilt & pressure and internal turmoil experienced by someone trying to fulfill these expectations by repressing their own needs or desires, that eventually gets the best of them and no matter their best intentions, results in impulsive and sometimes risky reactions.


That's how I see it anyway: our societies repressive views & expectations on anything sex related, and monogamy in particular, is unrealistic and too restrictive to work for everyone, and that is the cause of much of these "sexual addictions" cases. Some experts don't even acknowledge sexual addiction as an actual real disease/addiction/condition. I think it was mostly made up to explain a behaviour people weren't willing to try to understand or accept was a natural behaviour/instinct. Because it clashed with their cherished beliefs, they made the behaviour a sick, bad, abnormal one and never questioned whether the expectation was really at the root.


That's also why the word "slut" to most people, implies that not only is a woman's behaviour reprehensible, but she hasn't even been discrete enough to avoid drawing attention to herself and be ashamed of her behaviour. As opposed to a situation where she might have been a naive "victim" who was taken advantage of, the use of "slut" implies she is doubly looked down upon because her behaviour was intentional, which infers there's something wrong with her.

.​

 

[tantalizeme]

I think it [the term "sex addiction"] was mostly made up to explain a behaviour people weren't willing to try to understand or accept was a natural behaviour/instinct. Because it clashed with their cherished beliefs, they made the behaviour a sick, bad, abnormal one and never questioned whether the expectation [of monogamy] was really at the root.

Very eloquently put, as usual. The term "sex addiction" is so often used moralizingly, when really it should be reserved for a level of obsession with sexual activity that's evidently self-destructive or seriously damaging to others (or both).

But slut in society definitely doesn't have a positive connotation at all and actually is meant to brand a woman as one of lower morals - it's meant as an insult and to infer that she should be looked down upon.

Well, I personally use Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt’s defintion of the term “slut” in their famous book The Ethical Slut, as referring to "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." (A fine book, available e.g. at The Art of Loving store on 5th & Burrard).

When I call my girlfriend a slut, she knows this means I'm pleased with her erotically.

In fact, the term “slut” and its cognates generally serve to express praise in PERB reviews, used with the utmost respect by myself and others. I think in this community we should think of "slut" (or "nympho") as a reclaimed word, just like gays have reclaimed “queer," or the fetish community has reclaimed “pervert,” or the size-acceptance movement has reclaimed “fat.”

If we let "society" dictate to us the meaning of sexually descriptive terms, most of them would have negative connotations (except of course "fidelity").

 

[killian]

I've heard the term sex addict and nympho used by people who merely want to advertise that they have healthy desires. But that's misleading and unfair to the true addicts. Sex addiction can be terrible thing, and ruin lives. Or nearly, anyway. I'm in no way anti-sex, but I have known people who were sex addicts (I'm not including me and my own fairly minor brush with sex addiction). They would roam the streets like ghosts, looking for any kind of sex, paid or not; the moment they were in a room alone with someone they would physically come on to them. They lost jobs and relationships. One of them had been horribly abused as a child.

A sex addict typically does not like sex, or likes it right up until the act is finished. They don't know why they do it, or why they can't stop. They envision a life of the same mistake, repeated day after day. And they can't tell anyone about it, because of all the ridiculous and mixed-up notions our society has about sex.

That being said, some of us are wired differently. Just like some of us are good at math, or like heavy metal, or prefer to travel the world rather than stay chained to a desk, there are others who like to... fuck a whole lot, in as many ways possible, and feel just fine about it. Enough statistical variations exist within our population to ensure that these people exist, and further might find work in the sex industry. And hurray for that! In my now-defunct search for full service, I've met perhaps two such free spirits.

So yes, I think that the terms with good connotations ('sex-pot', etc)should apply to those people, those free spirits. Heck, 'free-spirit' it a perfectly fine and literal term! But 'sex-addict' should only ever apply to someone with true addiction.

 

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I don't know why, but the word slut has a different effect on me. I've never associated it with negativity--in fact, I become excited when I hear it. Perhaps it's because I know someone out there is courageously and openly embracing their sexuality despite what the society tells them what is right. That's pure awesomeness.

As for monogamy, it's a relationship model that works for a limited subset of the population. If you count only people who are truly happy or strictly define monogamy as one partner for the entire life (NOT serial monogamy), the number becomes much, much smaller. If it's so natural, why does it seem that many such relationships are fraught with strife and conflict (after the novelty, aka honeymoon phase, has worn off several months/years down the road)? How much energy and time and money are spent on these matters worldwide? Natural inclinations should never require artificial suppression ranging from criminal laws against multiple spouses to adulterers being stoned. Aversion to non-monogamy and blissful ignorance towards alternative relationship options is nothing but an indoctrinated behaviour within humans and an intentional status quo.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

the universal definition of a nymphomaniac is any woman that craves sex more than the person using the term...

 

[badbadboy]

There’s the type of SP we read about in many reviews—duds with whom extracting anything but shoddy service is like pulling teeth.

In my pooning years, I've found the majority of SPs are pros who display a decent but somewhat routine lets-get-the–job-done attitude.

But several times now I’ve encountered ladies that give me a different impression—apparent sex fiends with an inspiringly robust appetite for erotic pleasure.

Is it all just pretense? I've a suspicious mind but, intuitively, I find this unbelievable. I tend to think for some SPs, a minority no doubt, erotic play becomes a centerpiece and driving force in their lives (just as it is for some of us pooners).

My theory is that when such a lady has done this job for a while (but not for an excessively long time)—and fully accepts it as a more congenial way to earn a living than feasible alternatives—the erotic areas in her brain more readily switch on, like a muscle that becomes stronger with frequent use.

Given the prevalence of sex-negative conditioning in most women's upbringing, perhaps money can serve as a way of helping an erotically fired-up lady give herself permission to express and enjoy her potential as a sexual being.

I’m always on the lookout for SPs like that. I’ve found PERB reviews helpful, not only to help me avoid duds, but also to locate some genuine "fiends."

I just found this thread which really struck a chord with me. Since I have been on this erotic journey, I have found a few that are in synch with me sexually. Whatever I bring to the 'game' they also have responded in turn.

When you start hearing them tell you what they like while you are telling them what you like; you know you have found someone who is also into sex as much as you are. Communications and not being nervous to say what you like goes a very long way.

Sure I have spent some significant coin on research and found some clock watchers with minimal service and outright W O T but they have been weeded out now. Not just by me but other perbites too. Research is key

Nice to find a groove and visit a SP who as anxious to see you as you are to see them

They are out there and they are golden IMHO.

 

[maroonedsailor]

That's also why the word "slut" to most people, implies that not only is a woman's behaviour reprehensible, but she hasn't even been discrete enough to avoid drawing attention to herself and be ashamed of her behaviour. As opposed to a situation where she might have been a naive "victim" who was taken advantage of, the use of "slut" implies she is doubly looked down upon because her behaviour was intentional, which infers there's something wrong with her.

.​

The way I understand it, pagan societies sacrificed virgins because all the men were very protective of the sluts

 

[vancity_cowboy]

a civvie definition of 'slut'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut