I've fallen in love...

[mountain lion]

We clicked really well during our first session. So I kept going back. Eventually, time -- and money to a certain extent -- began to be a non-concern in our sessions. We talked at depth and learned a lot about each other. We both alluded to our growing mutual feelings for each other. I dont believe I was deluded about the signals she was putting out. Our time together felt like the early days of dating someone you really like... with all that fire and fragility... that dangerous feeling of easing off the brakes on your feelings with no guarantee of where it could go.

So I've fallen totally in love. I bit my tongue and haven't said it that way -- perhaps for the better.

She's pulling back anyways. At least that's what my intuition is telling me. I feel a deep heartbreak looming and it's driving me wild with anxiety and sadness.

And yet, I wouldn't have done anything different. I haven't felt this kind of fire in years.

I can't talk to anyone about it. It has nothing to do with her chosen profession. I'm otherwise in a committed relationship. Outwardly admitting what I'm going through would invite bigger disasters into my life. Yes, I have a lot of cognitive dissonance regarding how I got myself into this mess. Ironically, I see SPs once in a while to have certain needs met without the potential for emotional entanglement. How naïve am I.

Thanks for letting me vent perb.

 

[Warl0ck]

Oh boy...

Well first step is you need to confirm if she feels the same way about you. If she doesn't, you need to take your heartache and quietly go away and accept what is..is what is. Now, if she expresses interest that she is emotionally attached to you, then you need to have another discussion. She is likely pulling back because she knows how you feel. Understand one thing man, these women may actually be attached but they may not feel if you can deal with the life of having an escort as a girlfriend. That's a rough road for the uninitiated & even for those who've did it before.

I've been in your situation. It's not one size fits all but there are somethings I know you'll experience I did. Feel free to direct message me.

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

Hey bro, word of advice. Don't.

I believe even in love, you are logical enough to understand why. What you need is someone to tell you how to pull yourself away from this.

Don't forget even if you work out a way for both of you to be together, she probably has to quit her job as an escort and look for another (almost certainly) less lucrative way to support herself. That means she trusts you to be the man in her life to make her happy. If you don't hold your end of the deal, it will be very unfair to her.

Don't visit her again. This is why I almost always look for new SP each time and hardly repeat.

 

[mountain lion]

Thanks. Great advice from both of you. I knew I could count on the good people of perb to let me vent, and give great advice.

I'm fairly certain her feelings are similar to mine, though perhaps not as intense. However, if my intuition is correct, she's already making the decision on behalf of both of us by pulling away. In which case the only matter I'll have to worry about is the heartache you mentioned Warl0ck.

I wouldn't dream of asking her to give up her livelihood. I have no idea if I could handle it as much as I want to pretend I can. But, I've got rose coloured glasses on. I don't think I'll be in the position of worrying about it.

If I'm wrong about her pulling away, I guess I'll find out how capable I am. As much as my head agrees with you Humpty, if she's down for it, I don't think I can help myself... even though it could be a heap of trouble. The heart is a freight train in my case.

I'm already bracing for what I think is coming. I've been around long enough to have dealt with heartache many times. Not that it gets much easier.

My mantra at this point is courtesy of Dr. Seuss (haha):

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

And it was hot.

 

[clu]

You want her to have made the decision so you don't have to, but she's likely at a crossroads just like you. And, similar to how you're feeling, if there was an open door and an invitation to take the next step, she might also not be able to pull away. Personally I'd think you at least owe it to her to articulate it so she doesn't feel the fool for it if/when you disappear.

 

[mountain lion]

You people give amazing advice. Excellent point clu. I won't just disappear if I can help it.

I also think I owe it to myself to express my true feelings. If I'm given the opportunity to say so, I will.

 

[Warl0ck]

I also think I owe it to myself to express my true feelings. If I'm given the opportunity to say so, I will.

You owe it to yourself & you owe it to her as a person to be open. Don't ghost her. If you have feelings, tell her how you feel and tell her what you want and communicate. If she cannot engage in something more then be honest that you won't be able to see her again because it will emotionally hurt you. The whole modern ghosting thing is just bullshit. Men are supposed to be men, not pussies.

The advice I'd give you is "what if". What if you don't try? Maybe she's right for you. And if you do start a relationship you'll learn along the way how to deal what life will put before you. Perhaps I'm categorizing all SP's/STW's, but my experience is they make great partners. They do something that other women don't seem to do; they appreciate you. Maybe because you had the nuts to engage them. They got lots of love to give.

 

[mountain lion]

I had to look up "ghosting" on Urban Dictionary. Haha.

I have no intention of doing that. I may in fact be the ghostee...?

I can speak to feeling appreciated too. I fully believe that they 'have lots of love to give.' I'd like to think I'm not discriminating against her chosen profession. Without it, we would likely have never met.

Thanks again. Being able to talk about it here is helping immensely.

 

[Humpty Dumpty]

Perhaps I'm categorizing all SP's/STW's, but my experience is they make great partners. They do something that other women don't seem to do; they appreciate you. Maybe because you had the nuts to engage them. They got lots of love to give.

I agree SPs make great partners. I had some in depth conversation with some of them. Usually they aren't too keen to talk in depth about their feelings with regards to what they do. But when they do, you can feel how lonely they can get. Imagine being intimate with all these men but none to love and be loved back, day in day out. So sometimes when they do fall in love, they give a hell lot.
But among so many stories I have heard, most of them have sad endings, mostly on the ladies side.

I think you are lucky to have her as a friend who actually cares about you and how you feel. In China most of these women will make use of your emotional attachment to get gifts and favors from you.
So as a form of appreciation, make your decision that is fair to her.

 

[Cock Throppled]

This is probably every SP's nightmare.

In talking to SP's, clients falling in love is very common, and most SP's will cut off a client before it goes too far.

The younger the client, the more likely they think there are feelng there that aren't really.

The fact this SP has not cut you off probably means she's just looking at easy money, she has feelings too, but doesn't know how to get out of the situation, or both.

You are in a business relationship. Be smart and move on.

 

[Warl0ck]

I had to look up "ghosting" on Urban Dictionary. Haha.

I have no intention of doing that. I may in fact be the ghostee...?

I can speak to feeling appreciated too. I fully believe that they 'have lots of love to give.' I'd like to think I'm not discriminating against her chosen profession. Without it, we would likely have never met.

Thanks again. Being able to talk about it here is helping immensely.

Few things if you do decide to start a relationship

This is her job Don't ask her to leave or quit for you. It's her way of making a living and you have to accept that. You don't meet a girl on POF and ask her to change her job. Reach out, learn the sex trade and how it works. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

Jealousy Only the most ardent swingers aren't going to feel some level of jealousy at times. It's just a natural feeling. To make it through this understand one thing. The sex she has with you, her time with you is very different than the time she has with a client. Understand this industry is an illusion & a good portion of these pooners who feel a "connection" don't realize it's one sided. The best way to not feel jealous is to ask "If there was no envelope with money what would happen". Nothing.

Fear The jealousy is nothing compared to the fear of what might happen to the woman you're dating. The DNA of men is to protect their women so putting her in harms way is tough. I recommend being her driver & security. It will help your relationship a great deal. You'll see her as she leaves & you're the first person to see her when she comes out of the outcall. Remember, "security" is not about starting fights with douche bag pooners, it's all about getting your woman out safely. That's the FIRST priority.

Discussion rules An SP's phone rings all the time, 24 hours a day, her email is filled with dick shots and bullshit. Sit down and set rules. If you feel uncomfortable with her doing 2 AM calls in Surrey, work around it. And have together nights where the phone is turned off. The pooners are always secondary in a good relationship. Just as in civilian life your job should never neglect your children or your wife. Make date nights.

Monogamy Never assume it's OK to go out and slut around with other SP's. She might not like it. She might want commitment from you. Give it to her. Remember, her "job" is far different than your casual sex. The fact that she is a sex worker does NOT give you right to go slut around. You ask her first.

Sex Be open about sex, talk about what she likes/dislikes. For example, don't demand her to do things she will do for money. Let her do that for you on her own devices when she wants too. And never refer to her using derogatory language until you know it's OK. When she trust you implicitly you might well be able to pin her face down on the bed, grab her hair and fuck her from behind while telling her she's your little ho. Talk to her about your fantasies. The boundaries will fall as the relationship gets deeper.

She's a woman And like women from every race, culture, size, etc, she is a female. And females are..well females. Understand her idiosyncrasies and even if she knows you're "just trying" it will probably make a world of difference to her. She won't forget that you listened while she vented. Remember important days, remember to kiss her in the morning and remember to say I love you. And most of all remember to tell her how sexy she is. Women want to be desired. Men want to be loved. Desire her

She keeps her dating status quiet Don't take it personally. A whole bunch of pooners can't stomach an SP with an SO. It ruins their fantasy. It's her job. Her not mentioning you is NOT a sign she doesn't care for you, just a sign she doesn't want to bring you into her business life. I don't tell my clients about my relationship status either.

Pooners They will write reviews, espouse how they are sexual stallions, etc. They'll write how close of a connection they have with your SO. It all comes down to this brother. You get the whole package for free. They bring a donation in an envelope. Your SO loves you. Not them. And she never will love them. She comes home to you. And that's all that matters.

Good luck.

 

[maxic]

Seriously give your head a shake , looking for love in all wrong places , it is a business transaction with some very pleasant chatting , you love her she loves your 1 hour fee ..it is what it is , should just stick to your physical needs to be fulfilled and emotional stuff leave at home....

 

[Cock Throppled]

Few things if you do decide to start a relationship

This is her job Don't ask her to leave or quit for you. It's her way of making a living and you have to accept that. You don't meet a girl on POF and ask her to change her job. Reach out, learn the sex trade and how it works. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

Jealousy Only the most ardent swingers aren't going to feel some level of jealousy at times. It's just a natural feeling. To make it through this understand one thing. The sex she has with you, her time with you is very different than the time she has with a client. Understand this industry is an illusion & a good portion of these pooners who feel a "connection" don't realize it's one sided. The best way to not feel jealous is to ask "If there was no envelope with money what would happen". Nothing.

Fear The jealousy is nothing compared to the fear of what might happen to the woman you're dating. The DNA of men is to protect their women so putting her in harms way is tough. I recommend being her driver & security. It will help your relationship a great deal. You'll see her as she leaves & you're the first person to see her when she comes out of the outcall. Remember, "security" is not about starting fights with douche bag pooners, it's all about getting your woman out safely. That's the FIRST priority.

Discussion rules An SP's phone rings all the time, 24 hours a day, her email is filled with dick shots and bullshit. Sit down and set rules. If you feel uncomfortable with her doing 2 AM calls in Surrey, work around it. And have together nights where the phone is turned off. The pooners are always secondary in a good relationship. Just as in civilian life your job should never neglect your children or your wife. Make date nights.

Monogamy Never assume it's OK to go out and slut around with other SP's. She might not like it. She might want commitment from you. Give it to her. Remember, her "job" is far different than your casual sex. The fact that she is a sex worker does NOT give you right to go slut around. You ask her first.

Sex Be open about sex, talk about what she likes/dislikes. For example, don't demand her to do things she will do for money. Let her do that for you on her own devices when she wants too. And never refer to her using derogatory language until you know it's OK. When she trust you implicitly you might well be able to pin her face down on the bed, grab her hair and fuck her from behind while telling her she's your little ho. Talk to her about your fantasies. The boundaries will fall as the relationship gets deeper.

She's a woman And like women from every race, culture, size, etc, she is a female. And females are..well females. Understand her idiosyncrasies and even if she knows you're "just trying" it will probably make a world of difference to her. She won't forget that you listened while she vented. Remember important days, remember to kiss her in the morning and remember to say I love you. And most of all remember to tell her how sexy she is. Women want to be desired. Men want to be loved. Desire her

She keeps her dating status quiet Don't take it personally. A whole bunch of pooners can't stomach an SP with an SO. It ruins their fantasy. It's her job. Her not mentioning you is NOT a sign she doesn't care for you, just a sign she doesn't want to bring you into her business life. I don't tell my clients about my relationship status either.

Pooners They will write reviews, espouse how they are sexual stallions, etc. They'll write how close of a connection they have with your SO. It all comes down to this brother. You get the whole package for free. They bring a donation in an envelope. Your SO loves you. Not them. And she never will love them. She comes home to you. And that's all that matters.

Good luck.

All of this is just about the absolute worst advice you could give this guy, given the way these two met. They are all bad, but your second point is ridiculous, because assuming any relationship happens, this is literally exactly what started it. He also obviously has no understanding of her and the feelings don't seem to be reciprocal, so you're making a lot of assumptions about both of them.

 

[oneoldone]

We clicked really well during our first session. So I kept going back. Eventually, time -- and money to a certain extent -- began to be a non-concern in our sessions. We talked at depth and learned a lot about each other. We both alluded to our growing mutual feelings for each other. I dont believe I was deluded about the signals she was putting out. Our time together felt like the early days of dating someone you really like... with all that fire and fragility... that dangerous feeling of easing off the brakes on your feelings with no guarantee of where it could go.

So I've fallen totally in love. I bit my tongue and haven't said it that way -- perhaps for the better.

She's pulling back anyways. At least that's what my intuition is telling me. I feel a deep heartbreak looming and it's driving me wild with anxiety and sadness.

And yet, I wouldn't have done anything different. I haven't felt this kind of fire in years.

I can't talk to anyone about it. It has nothing to do with her chosen profession. I'm otherwise in a committed relationship. Outwardly admitting what I'm going through would invite bigger disasters into my life. Yes, I have a lot of cognitive dissonance regarding how I got myself into this mess. Ironically, I see SPs once in a while to have certain needs met without the potential for emotional entanglement. How naïve am I.

Thanks for letting me vent perb.

Book an hour of social time with Cami Parker and go talk to her she has seen a number of these relationships and will have good advice from both perspectives.

 

[Warl0ck]

All of this is just about the absolute worst advice you could give this guy, given the way these two met. They are all bad, but your second point is ridiculous, because assuming any relationship happens, this is literally exactly what started it. He also obviously has no understanding of her and the feelings don't seem to be reciprocal, so you're making a lot of assumptions about both of them.

How is this bad advice? If you read my prior posts, I predicated that he needs to sit down and have a discussion with the SP and see if the feelings are reciprocated. If they are & he's willing to engage a sex worker in a relationship he needs to prepare himself for dating a sex worker. I'm speaking entirely from experience (as in the long term relationship/we bought stuff together for the house kind of thing).

It is exceedingly unlikely that a romantic relationship would start this way but it can & it does sometimes. That's the crazy thing about attraction; it has no rules or logic. Based on the OP's ability to verbalize his emotions, I suspect he has the capacity to differentiate between real emotional attachment versus being some lonely guy who mistakes an hour of sex & chat for actual attraction (which is the majority of these types of cases). If they like each other, good for them. I just offered up some advice from a guy that's been there.

As for point #2. So you're saying that if she met him during a session & she fell for him, that he should be wary she may fall for someone else? So if I dated the cute woman at the coffee shop, should I assume she'll date every guy who buys a medium double double?

 

[PerbMod]

Time for all concerned to calm down. Advice is opinion. Attacking others opinions without adding value to the thread is simply trolling. Enough of that. Add to the discussion or simply choose to post elsewhere.

As for relationships with SPs and clients, they are in fact, exceedingly rare. I have been around this scene for 20 years plus now and most providers treat feelings for clients the same way they treat STIs, they are to be avoided. Not saying it cannot be done, but go in with your eyes open and your heart protected, as it's only going to work 1 or 2 times out of a 100. It it's real, it might be worth something, but also be prepared to walk away and never see her again if it's not 100% mutual.

 

[felixthecat]

Seriously give your head a shake , looking for love in all wrong places

I think he knows that. He mentioned the idea was to see escorts without emotional attachment.
Yet, it's something to remind now and then.

I had to look up "ghosting" on Urban Dictionary. Haha.

I have no intention of doing that. I may in fact be the ghostee...?

Is it smart for a girl to get involved with a married man? That's even before complications related to your professional relationship.

Cutting you off is likely the best move on her part. Whether she has any feelings to you or not.

 

[Flashmp]

I too have been struck by feelings for an sp. the advice on here is great ... it's cleared my head
And I have a better understanding of what is what .... thx perb

 

[mountain lion]

I'm amazed at the calibre of discussion happening here. Once again thank you all for your input. Warl0ck, the care and effort you've put into your responses is much appreciated. I value your experience in the matter.

I'm fully aware that I'm probably racing straight into a broken heart and that the odds are stacked against a favourable outcome. But it's just a broken heart. I've been there before. I'm equipped to deal with it.

My original intent was just to vent that I was feeling intense emotions and had no place to talk about it. You've all gone beyond, pointing out things I wouldn't have thought of and giving valuable advice on further concerns that will arise in the event that things survive me professing my feelings.

I'm also glad to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this and that this thread is helpful beyond my situation.

This is such a great community. Keep it up.

 

[Kamloopsbc]

My views are a little different from most others.

First of all, until you end the obviously unhappy relationship you are currently in you are in no position to even consider a new one.

And the best advice I can give is just ask straight forward questions.
Don't be vague.
Just say I think I am starting to fall for you , and want to know how you feel about me.

I saw an SP on average once or twice per week for years.
So literally hundreds of times.
I had no delusions of love either from or toward her.
But that we had become friends.
She trusted me and knew that I would be mature and not say inappropriate things to her friends or family.
So i knew a lot about her.
From her kids names and school they went to, to where her favorite restaurant was, and where she lived.
Occasionally outside of work she would have me to her house for a social gathering like a bbq, we regularly went for a coffee, or grab a meal at her fav restaurant where we even took turns paying.
When her dad had a heart attack she called me and asked if i could get her kids from school and take them home and stay with them till she got there.
I did love her like a good friend, but wasn't in love with her.
I was happy to have her as a good friend.
But i have many friends...huge leap from friends to a relationship with her.
So really ask yourself what level of love you are truly in.

If truly in love first become single....then ask her what her level of love is for you.
If you are at all the jealous type as many men are, also realize it will be hard to not get jealous.
It will take a very mature man to be 100% secure in himself dating an SP.

Heck i see immature idiots get jealous if their gf even has a conversation with a man.
Forget happily accepting that the gf has sex with many men month after month.

Proceed carefully!