How well do escorting & having kids mix?

[tantalizeme]

Let's suppose an SP falls in love and quits escorting, but a while later finds herself single again, and pregnant, and not exactly awash in cash...and, working at a job for relatively low pay, she naturally considers resuming her former career, but her nurturing temperament also makes her want to keep the baby.

What should she be advised to do, by compassionate fellow escorts and pooners whose input she has encouraged by revealing her situation on this board?

Go ahead and become a single mother but forget about escorting? Or attempt both? Have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption? Get serious professional counseling?

I can guess which way sentiments about this run among the majority of SPs who participate here: enthusiastic endorsement of an SP's choice to keep the baby. I admire the fact that quite a few SPs here seem to have raised kids while escorting.

Several of my own providers mentioned having kids. Though perhaps it's none of my business, I can't help wondering:

1. Might not the demands of infant care, accompanied by hormonal changes after pregnancy, for a year or two suppress a woman's sexual appetite and affect her motivation to provide good service?

2. Might not the father of the baby assert visitation or custody rights—or possibly, if he's resentful about paying 18 years of child support, report the mother's work to child protection who could interfere or even threaten to take away the baby?

3. It's probably not always convenient to remove the kid from the in-call location: might not a crying infant in the other room interfere with the sensuality of an encounter; and might not exposure to the mother's clients provide a problematic experience for a young child?

4. If the SP really yearns for a stable family life, would not single motherhood make a future love relationship more complicated, both in terms of finding time for a new partner and having to overcome widespread male reluctance to get involved with a single mother?

5. What about finding time to pursue her education?

Just curious...

 

[HB40]

I admire the fact that quite a few SPs here seem to have raised kids while escorting.

I am always amazed at the strength and resiliency of women, their ability to sacrifice their own needs and priorities for the care and attention to children or husbands.

I myself am the result of an unwanted pregnancy. I respect a woman's right to choose but because I was given a chance in this world my attitude is always pro-life. Even with happy marriages and stable extended families nothing in this life is easy. Raising a child has to be one of the biggest responsibilities any person can face, I think women are able to meet that challenge due to their sheer determination and incredible will. If I've learned anything, it's that women can do all things when they make up their mind to.

So how well does escorting and having kids mix, well it's no different than any challenges we face in this world.....If we're brave enough, compassionate, patient and loving it's amazing what humans can achieve. Sure we can make excuses to avoid hard work and selflessness, but the character and lessons we learn from hardships makes it all that much easier to teach and pass on wisdom to children....the greatest gift we could ever get in this life.

 

[TotallyTouchin]

I personally

Don't think we can pass judgement.

I think that there are times and people who are HIGHLY inappropriate to be parents but say for example if Izzie wanted to be a mom, planned it and had a nest egg (for goodness sake..any sp should) and went about it responisbly, then for sure! (She's just the example I used cause I know a bit about her and have met her etc).

People who are generally irresponsible (yup I would include myself in that catagory lol ) and are still sort of sorting out life and playing around with this and that...well yeah..bad news.

I think there are sps I know who could be like corporate CEOs the way they run their lives/buisness in the trade. It takes not just a dummy to be a high end companion...I think there are sps who are still growing up (I again include myself in that catagory) who are cool people but maybe not so "organised" for lack of a better word.

But judging someone based on their job is silly. Sps can be wicked moms and I have seen it for years happen. Not easy but hey...when is being a parent ever easy???

Kinda like...should a regular client of an sp be a parent cause he may not be a role model??? For sure...just don't let it rub off on the kids. If stuff rubs off on the kids....shit hits the fan and I think that's wrong. PERSONAL OPINION

 

[mimi]

Good topic. I was escorting while my children were small, the youngest was 2, and I was in the church choir and involved with all sorts of kids programs...no one would have known. I never did incalls, and I would never bring a man within a mile radius of my house and family, whether he was a client or friend....pedophiles prey on single vulnerable women with children, and they don't come with stickers on their forehead identifying their perversion.

I stopped escorting because it was too difficult to handle the sleep deprivation, and I didn't want to hire a nanny and have my kids raised by someone else...so I chose poverty and I don't regret it.

Some women make enough money to have a full time nanny, and one I knew just told people she was a care-aid doing home care service (not far from the truth). How successful one is at balancing an escorting career and children depends entirely on how much one is willing to sacrifice.

I had a beautiful friend, single mother, who was NOT an escort, but slept with many men in her pursuit of a relationship. Years later she told me she wished in hindsight that she had not brought the men home overnight, as she believes this caused her son to become sexually active at a very young age (11). She honestly believed, after 3 weeks of dating, that each guy was "the one".

There are far more single women out there who are NOT escorts allowing strange men into their beds...and in my humble opinion this is very hard on the kids comfort levels...I cannot imagine waking up in the morning and seeing a strange man come out of my mom's bedroom...Yuck!

So from my perspective, a 'together' woman without alcohol, drug, or man addictions can safely raise her kids and escort.

 

[DominaPandora]

It's all about the person, we're all very different.

1. Depends on the woman, some experience a decrease, others do not.

2. It's usually a worry but depends on the situation. Is he involved? Does he know? As well, if she is a liscenced escort and gets a good lawyer and is honest, if she has her act together... it's not a no win situation. In fact, the governmental agency would have to go against the fact that she holds a liscence for legal work.

3. Any exposure is wrong, wrong, wrong. Since she can make her own hours, it now goes in the cost category that must be covered. Now she must find someone she can trust to watch the child, no different than heading to the office for 8-10 hours.

4. Yes and no. Single mothers aren't so much of a paria now and for many, it further promotes ensuring that you don't rush in.

5. If you want it, you can do it.

 

[Very Veronica]

reality check

from a custody case where the mother was an escort:

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2008/05/02/bc-villeneuve-josee-sex-trade.html?ref=rss

Documents obtained by CBC News reveal that for months Annabella had been at the centre of a custody dispute between her parents, involving allegations that Villeneuve worked in the sex trade.

Documents from a Supreme Court decision earlier this year also revealed Villeneuve once tried to take the girl to Alberta without Wong's consent during a previous unsupervised visit.

The documents show Villeneuve admitted to the court that she had been active in the sex trade, including advertising herself on the internet.

Even so, the judge considered her to be devoted to her daughter.

"She loves her child. No doubt about that," said Wong. "But I can't say she's a fit mother."

2. It's usually a worry but depends on the situation. Is he involved? Does he know? As well, if she is a liscenced escort and gets a good lawyer and is honest, if she has her act together... it's not a no win situation. In fact, the governmental agency would have to go against the fact that she holds a liscence for legal work.

 

[Aynia]

I would never enthusiastically support the choice of ANY woman to keep a baby to be born into a single parent situation, SP or not. Every kid deserves the chance to grow up with two parents.

I also don't agree with abortion in most cases.

Adoption is an incredible win/win/win for everyone. I'm thinking of the child first, not the feelings of the mom. Sorry if you think I'm being mean to the mom but, the kid is the most important one in the equation. That child's potential to have a safer happier life will be doubled (or more!) if there are two people responsible for him/her.

xoxo
Nina

Most often we agree, but afraid this is not one of those times

I do believe adoption is a fantastic win/win in situations where neither parent is able to provide, and am also pro-life however single mother's/parents can provide all the love and more.

I did not have a traditional childhood, but I was so clearly loved, I wouldn't trade a second, not one to be in a " traditional" Mom/Dad home

Love, respect, acceptance is the key, not everyone is capable of giving it, sad but true. Many single "parents" give everything a child needs to grow to be a intelligent, productive, loving person.

Many children are raised in a single family unit for various reasons including death of a parent, certainly doesn't mean the parent cannot provide the same nurturing, simple means it requires more work and love.

 

[DominaPandora]

from a custody case where the mother was an escort:

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2008/05/02/bc-villeneuve-josee-sex-trade.html?ref=rss

Like I said, it's a worry. But, there's honesty and then there's honesty. There's always grey.

Liscenced escorts are not liscenced for the sex trade.

It's a worry and yes, you might get that asshole judge with a personal view... but you might not. You just have to play it very smart and hope. Often, it can be handled out of court by a good lawyer, only going before the judge to declare pre-agreed conditions and sign.

You're completely right in that it is a worry, but it is not a no win situation. It's like anything else in life. The only thing that is guaranteed is that you'll someday die. You can work a completely normal job and live by the book and still face this sort of situation.

 

[CODe333]

The number of people in this world who find a significant degree of personal wholeness seems quite small. Two such people of the opposite sex finding each and forming a lasting marriage bond that produces viable offspring is an even less common event. Nevertheless nature hedges its bets by allowing procreation in any and every situation by anyone with working genitals. The outcomes are, of course, mixed but variety is the name of the game in nature. The range of opinions and experience expressed here speaks volumes about just what variety is available in procreation and sexual selection. Today on PERB there is a post about environmental impacts on declining male fertility and several about SPs who have chosen profession and sex over relationships. I’m not criticizing, I’m just saying. My parents were married for more than 60 years and had 9 kids. They were two very unhappy people. My siblings and I all feel my parents should not have stayed together. I still feel however that two parents is the better option overall for most people in most situations. On the other hand if a woman is a healthy and whole person and has a keen desire to raise kids, then she’s likely to do the parenting thing well enough that her child or children will become fit and healthy adults. Some single moms are so amazingly successful they deserve a Nobel prize or something of the sort. A few deserve prison time. Most just make it work one way or another. Sounds very much like many of the couples I know.

 

[CODe333]

Plenty of women sleep around and have men over and keep regular minimum wage jobs.

Really? I'm very sceptical about this. When you have a moment would you PM their phone numbers to me. I'd like to have a word or two with a few of those lazy, sleep around sluts. I'm thinking a little researcher participation study might be helpful here. All in the interest of science, you understand.

 

[FortunateOne]

Several of my own providers mentioned having kids. Though perhaps it's none of my business, I can't help wondering:

1. Might not the demands of infant care, accompanied by hormonal changes after pregnancy, for a year or two suppress a woman's sexual appetite and affect her motivation to provide good service?

Please don't assume good service is motivated only by sexual appetite -- that would be a nice dream, but certainly doesn't or shouldn't affect the sp's ability to provide superior service and attitude. IMO, enjoying the session sexually is a bonus, not the reason she is there.

2. Might not the father of the baby assert visitation or custody rights—or possibly, if he's resentful about paying 18 years of child support, report the mother's work to child protection who could interfere or even threaten to take away the baby?

Then he would have custody, and fully come to realize what the child support is all about, and just how much more expensive and time consuming and life altering actually raising the child is all about. If he is prepared to leave a pregnant woman with no worries about his own child, I highly doubt that he will suddenly care enough to sue for custody.

3. It's probably not always convenient to remove the kid from the in-call location: might not a crying infant in the other room interfere with the sensuality of an encounter; and might not exposure to the mother's clients provide a problematic experience for a young child?

I find the sps who allow their pets to interfere with the privacy of sessions unprofessional, surely an sp with a child would figure out some day care options lol. And how on earth would a child be exposed to the clients? Is Mom taking them into the nursery and introducing them? Is the little one answering the phone while Mom's working?

4. If the SP really yearns for a stable family life, would not single motherhood make a future love relationship more complicated, both in terms of finding time for a new partner and having to overcome widespread male reluctance to get involved with a single mother?

I don't think this reluctance is as widespread as you might assume. I have male family members who consider the children of their SOs previous relationships as their own. The biological fathers are nowhere in sight, btw. The women and their families live below the poverty line, often on welfare. I cannot see how continuing work as an sp and being able to provide for her children can be a bad thing. Like other working mothers, she finds daycare and has little or no time for a personal life anyway.

5. What about finding time to pursue her education?

See above, lol. The best family a child can grow up in is one in which they are wanted, regardless of how many parents live in the house. A lot of separated parents maintain great relationships with their kids by participating in their daily lives, rather than sending off a cheque every month or just ignoring them altogether. A lot of dads are raising their kids themselves for whatever reason (one of my family members did this). And a lot children from 2 parent families should be removed from those toxic environments.

 

[Harmony-bc]

Most single moms I know work in massage parlors, or escort agencies. The few single mothers I know who are independent have a separate in call place and never expose their children to strange men. It works very well because the kids live in better neighborhoods and have better things than they normally could afford, and mommy has less financial burdens so maybe is a more relaxed parent. I think a mother that would expose her child to the seedier sides of this life would probably be either really stupid or on drugs. Not every man is a nice man!

 

[sevenofnine]

i would have to say most of the ladies i have seen have had kids.

the second lady i saw in this hobby, i believe her kid was in the next room, i got out fast and never went back
recently another young sp, i was in chat with told me she had three kids, no man,
doesn't really like being a sp, but felt it was her only choice,

it is easy to judge,
harder to understand,

i would say it can work, but only with some support,
friends family whoever, that can take care of the kid or kids, while the mother does her thing,
lots of kids are baby sat, not just sp;s children
all day long while the parents are at work, by family member friend stranger, day home day care nanny whatever,
then the parents come home,
and there arranging more baby sitters so they can go out,
baby sitters are not really an issue,

the children should be kept distant though from the business, do out calls only, or rent an apartment for this,
don't do it in your home where your kids are,

people want to focus on one thing, she is an sp,
with children,
so what,
what kind of mother is she,
isnt' that the only thing that matters.

there are perfectly so called normal people who are bad parents.
get over labels
what kind of person is she,

i would have to agree, the ideal situation is two parents,
but i would prefer one mother who simply loves me to bits,
then two who don't.

and for me,
i would rather not know if the lady im seeing has kids, if she is younger, and tells me she has a couple of kids,
chances are she will never see me again, especially if im in her house or what appears to be her house.
if were in a hotel or quiet apartment, with no signs whatso ever of kids,
then maybe, just mabye
but most likely not.
i would rather not know and she has to keep her trade seperate distant from her personal life, especially if she has kids, and well if she is telling every guy she has kids, she is not keeping her kids out of it is she.

its just a place i would rather not go. if she has kids, fine, but don't tell me.

if her kids are older grown up and self sufficent
more the better,

 

[moi]

I don't have kids, nor do I know the actual costs of having kids and my opinion may anger some, but it's just my opinion and if i'm in a different position one day, that may change but:

I do what I do because I have no family here, and like the lifestyle. I don't want student loans, etc. IF my family was here, I never would have gotten into it because they are so in my business when they are here.
If i have kids, I would quit. Enough said. I have done many jobs before and am sure I still have the mental capacity to do it again that pay just fine, especially in Alberta..

My friend had her 2nd baby, and decided she wanted to raise her kids "right", and quit the industry. She went on financial assistance, and is struggling to live within her means, but she's sacrificing for her children so she can be there, be the kind of mom she wants to be.

I know 2 other girls who have kids and are still in the business, one of whom I'm absolutely not friendly with. Her oldest is a late teen and I'm pretty sure she'll find out eventually. I've seen this woman go out looking like a stripper with no bra on, stiletto heels, etc. the whole stereotype. The other moms at her kids school won't talk to her,and one of them even said in front of her kid, "you're a prostitute" or something like that. I wouldn't wish the schoolyard bullying for that on my child for anything.

The other has 5 kids, from toddler to late teen and once brought all her kids on a call with her because she couldn't find a babysitter. THAT is just wrong.

 

[chris2008]

All very thoughtful comments and opinions. I seriously don't have anything to say that hasn't been said except that we all make choices and I can't even imagine what is it like to walk in their shoes let alone raise a child on my own.

 

[agent47]

imma pull a typical canadian move and sit on the fence on this one. On one hand sp's are just as capable of being super duper mommys just like everyone else but they do put there kids in uneccessary danger. you know cuz of the whole sping thing. guy gets obssesed with girl, goes after weak link, the kid etc etc.. i dunno i guess it depends on certain factors that cannot be predicted. like how ur clients are personality wise, your own motherhoodness atittude on how to raise your kids and so forth. any hoo my 2 cents peace out peeps.

excuse my retarded grammar and punctuation i was in a rush.

 

[Harmony-bc]

imma pull a typical canadian move and sit on the fence on this one. On one hand sp's are just as capable of being super duper mommys just like everyone else but they do put there kids in uneccessary danger. you know cuz of the whole sping thing. guy gets obssesed with girl, goes after weak link, the kid etc etc.. i dunno i guess it depends on certain factors that cannot be predicted. like how ur clients are personality wise, your own motherhoodness atittude on how to raise your kids and so forth. any hoo my 2 cents peace out peeps.

excuse my retarded grammar and punctuation i was in a rush.

If you have children, your main jobs are to raise them, love them, cherish them, discipline them AND PROTECT them. Never under any circumstances should the sp let the "guy" in on her personal life. I used to know a girl that had 2 little girls under the age of 10. She told her gentlemen friends that she had a son over 10. Personally I think lie or change the subject when it comes to really personal information. Some times when men are asking those questions, its just because they are trying to make conversation. Always trust your gut.

 

[Harmony-bc]

This does not mean the sp cannot make friends with some of her clients. It just means, she should use common sense, and trust her gut. Sping should be kept separate for her own mental health as well.

When I go out in public, I don't wear little bootie shorts and tittie tops with stilettos and introduce myself as a ho, lol. I'm usually running around in jeans or a track suit. Nobody knows what I do unless I tell them.

I have tons of friends with children , some of them are sps, some of them have square jobs. I have a single mother friend that doesn't sp and she goes out and parties more than any of my other friends. I also have a friend who is a single mother that makes tons of money as an sp, you have to force her to go out when shes not working, and is one of the best mothers I know. So lets just all stop with the stereo types now. Like I have said hundreds of times, people are people. Different reasons for doing different things. Escorting if done properly can be a fun, lucrative, entertaining way to make your living and can definitely make the financial aspects of being a single mother easier.

Phew, ok I'm done now. I think this is my longest post ever. Sorry about that

 

[sarahpassion]

Escorting has nothing to with the ability to raise children. I would say being a loving-nurturing person is the most important trait in being a great mother. Many great SP's are nurturing, loving and have a chosen this career for whatever reason.

Woman who choose to be in this industy, especially independants are strong business woman. It takes a lot of time and effort to be organized and to run your business smoothly. The skills that it takes to be a great SP can easily be transfered into many other areas in life.

It is no secret that I have a young child, but I would never dream of entertaining a client in our home! That is just a ridiculous notion. I personally would never live in my incall regardless of having child or not.

This personally works great for me as I am saving to finish my education. I actually spend less time away from my child, and have flexibility with my hours around, play groups, doctors appts and everything else that parenting involves. I did have a "career" but chose not to go back after my maternity leave, because being young, and in pretty much an entry level position, after all expenses were accounted for I would have been in the red each month!

A career choice has nothing to do with one's capacity to parent.