Funny things that happened during encounters

[Avery]

I've been toying with starting this thread for a while. A similar thread was started on MERB today, so I finally decided to start one here too. Here's one of my funny incidents to start. Please add your own.

A few years ago, I had an escort come to my hotel room in Thunder Bay, Ontario.

As soon as I closed the door, she looked me up and down several times. She then leaned forward, and asked me, "Do you have a big dick?" I was kind of taken aback, and I replied something like, "You can be the judge of that soon".

A few minutes later, we were naked on the bed, fooling around. She had my dick in her hand, and she examined it closely. She then made a "so-so" gesture with her hand and said, "Average."

 

[Irresistible Isabelle]

A client I saw once at the den, while in the throws of orgasm, called me by another woman's name... his wife's!
How's that for irony?!

 

[sdw]

A client I saw once at the den, while in the throws of orgasm, called me by another woman's name... his wife's!
How's that for irony?!

Smart man. Training yourself to say your wife's name is a good thing.

The worst that can happen is the SP refuses to see you again. On the other hand, if the guy groaned "Isabelle" while with his wife, the cost would be quite high.

 

[Irresistible Isabelle]

Smart man. Training yourself to say your wife's name is a good thing.

The worst that can happen is the SP refuses to see you again. On the other hand, if the guy groaned "Isabelle" while with his wife, the cost would be quite high.

Oh I know. I wasn't remotely bothered. We had a good laugh about it, and he said exactly what you did.

 

[beckc]

I had an outcall lady come to my hotel room in Montreal, the first thing I did was give her a box of chocolates, she spent 15 minutes examining the card thing and eating about half of the chocolates

 

[snowmonger]

one of the weirdest things to me was when i came out of the pre-event shower, she was squatting up on the toilet seat peeing acg-style.
kind of a turn-off really.

 

[Azcanuck]

Similar story. A few years ago, while with a girl (non-SP) and in the heat of passion, my ex-GF's name came blurting out of my mouth . Not a good feeling and I'm thinking that I'm in deep crap. Luckily, I think the girl was too involved and didn't notice.

AZC

A client I saw once at the den, while in the throws of orgasm, called me by another woman's name... his wife's!
How's that for irony?!

 

[Pantsnake]

Two experiences come to mind. One gross and one really funny.

About 8 years ago when I began pooning I called an SP who advertised in the Uptown. Went to her place and while in the bedroom disrobing she excused herself and went to the bathroom. Turns out she went to take a dump and didn't even close the door. So here I am buck naked on her bed listening to her grunt like a pig having a crap. Then she comes back in and I'm thinking I never heard any water running (hand washing). I basically told her off, got dressed and left.

The other involves an SP I still see and we still laugh about it. We were doing it Doggy with her kneeling on the edge of the bed and me standing behind her. After several minutes of vigorous thrusting I release and as I'm pulling out she lets out this tremendous "Pussy Fart". We both just about died laughing. After we regain our composure she explains that in that position she seems to take in air and it sometimes comes back out. Anyway we still laugh about that and yes it still happens on occasion.

 

[athaire]

Two experiences come to mind. One gross and one really funny.

About 8 years ago when I began pooning I called an SP who advertised in the Uptown. Went to her place and while in the bedroom disrobing she excused herself and went to the bathroom. Turns out she went to take a dump and didn't even close the door. So here I am buck naked on her bed listening to her grunt like a pig having a crap. Then she comes back in and I'm thinking I never heard any water running (hand washing). I basically told her off, got dressed and left.

The other involves an SP I still see and we still laugh about it. We were doing it Doggy with her kneeling on the edge of the bed and me standing behind her. After several minutes of vigorous thrusting I release and as I'm pulling out she lets out this tremendous "Pussy Fart". We both just about died laughing. After we regain our composure she explains that in that position she seems to take in air and it sometimes comes back out. Anyway we still laugh about that and yes it still happens on occasion.

Dude that first story made me shoot water out of my nose.......fantastic.....

 

[Mr.O]

Yeah...

I had an outcall lady come to my hotel room in Montreal, the first thing I did was give her a box of chocolates, she spent 15 minutes examining the card thing and eating about half of the chocolates

... drugs will do that to a girl -

 

[maxx50]

Norwegan hook

This was back in 91 .. I was in Oslo . part of a holiday .. I was out for a walk in apart of town where the SW are .. and I am walking down the street .. and I here some one running down the street be hind me.I looked and saw a lady in sort dress high heels she looked a little frazzled .. i figured she was a hooker .. I stop at the light .. and the lady that was running .. stops . beside me .. looks me over ... and says.."" Do you want to fuck.". . I was a little surprise that she was that blunt about it .. I said " no thanks " .. The light changed ... and she just continued running down the street . towards the docks .

 

[Nickthenoob]

Had a massage and the woman would give this great back massage but would pick the underwear fluffies out of my arse hairs whenever she found em.

 

[Mr.O]

This one time...

... at an old GF's house I had the most unusual encounter!

One of my Ex's used to prefer me to go to her house an we would shag in her bedroom because her dog (Great Dane named "Buffy", and it was a male,..? - don't ask) would always bug us if we started playin' in the livin room.

So this one time were in the BR & I'm really layin' the pipe to her, she's gettin' into it & I start hearin' the dog barkin' & barkin .... & barkin ...... & the damn thing just would'nt shut up!

So Martha, that's the name I'll give her for this story cuz that's who I would think about when we were bangin',... I guess I better explain:
-
I had this thing fer Martha Stewart for a while, I just dreamed of doin' her up the dooky hole & I mean really drillin fer oil too! - An in my dream I'm plundering & pillaging her hole an she wuz just luvin' it yellin' "it's a good thing, it's a GOOD thing" at the top of her lungs ya know & were both just sweatin' an grindin' untill she begs me ta blow my guy goo on her & I like the way she asks for it too "Pour your milk on my corn flakes" ??? which meant on her ass & back... ??? - don't ask it wuz a dream..!! I wuz just thankful she did'nt reference sumthin from the garden.
So anyway I cover her "cornflakes" with my crazy cow & while she's resting there enjoying the drizzle I reach down an dip my finger through the dooky doorway, swipe it around an then give her a "Dirty Sanchez" to which she replies "Ole'!!"

So any way the dog's barkin & it throws Martha's ju-ju off or sumthin' so she get's up an goes out the bedroom & I'm sittin there with my pecker in my hands, an she starts talkin' to the dog (Buffy) like he's a kid... "now Buffy I'm fine I'm just havin' some fun so you don't worry, OK??? then comes back in the BR shuts the door & hops back in bed.
Well I don't let it phase me I wuz just glad she hurried back.
So we get goin' again & she starts moanin' & groanin'... there's the damn barkin' again.... So, same thing, goes out talks to the dog & comes back.

Well this happened 2 more times an I tell her "Look just do what you have to but shut that dog up!!" - - She tell’s me “he is just jealous that your with me & he can’t see me & of course he’s worried”.
Well I didn’t have time for the dog psychology & I jus wanted to bust a nut so I said “do what ya have to”
So she goes to the door, talks to the dog & leaves the door cracked a little so “Buffy”-the male dog, can see us & “not worry”

We get back into it & I’m doin’ Martha doggy style, I think I chose that position just to fuck with her dog, (excuse the pun on both) and the dog starts whining so she just can’t take it & tells me “I think he doesn’t like us in this position” (Ya think???)

So she suggests we go “cowgirl” & we switch, start goin’ at it a few minutes & she suddenly switches to lazy cowgirl, ya know, where she basically is in cowgirl position but lays down on top of you face to face, but in our case cuz she wuz a little taller, it wuz more like face ta tits, but that’s OK with me.

So she is ridin’ & I can tell her ju-ju is workin’ an my mojo is werkin’ so all is well with tha world.
Were rockin’ an rollin’ I got her tits over my face & I close my eyes & dream of, you know who, & things just kinda got surreal ya know & I’m goin’ with tha flow an all is well with the world & who knows how much time passed but after a bit I just end up layin there, like the lazy fuck that I am, & let her do the moves.
Hey, I’m into equal rights ya know.

So she’s movin’ & getting into it & moaning & grinding & moaning louder & I’m just layin’ there enjoyin’ the ride & I notice she has stopped movin’ but she’s still just a moanin’ away!
& I think, cool she’ gone tantric on me!!
But wait… how come the beds still movin’???
Well she’s still moanin - LOUD - and I can dig that but I got ta know how she’s movin the bed.

So I pull my face away from her baby feeder bags... & I see... a fuking….. Paw????
“What the hell is this” I think to myself.
I must a fell asleep & that damn dog decided he no longer wanted to be a spectator!

So I wuz going to say sumthin’ but Martha wuz REALLY getting into it & getting a few screams in between moans & she’s never quite done that before so I do what any lazy fuck would do I just lay there & enjoy the show!
So there’s Martha moaning & screaming & there’s Buffy humpin’ & huffin’ & there’s me just in utter amazement!
Well it didn’t take long & I blew my load & she finally had cum so many times she just couldn’t go any more & Buffy got tired & just couldn’t hump any more so it all came to an end with the 3 of us, well the 2 of them, exhausted.
So we laid there a while & finally I decided I wanted up so I rolled Martha off of me & Buffy got up & the two of us stared at each other for a while then we went out on the balcony & had a smoke!
Me... & Buffy!!

STRANGEST ENCOUNTER I EVER HAD!!!



.

 

[littlejimbigher]

... at an old GF's house I had the most unusual encounter!

One of my Ex's used to prefer me to go to her house an we would shag in her bedroom because her dog (Great Dane named "Buffy", and it was a male,..? - don't ask) would always bug us if we started playin' in the livin room.

So this one time were in the BR & I'm really layin' the pipe to her, she's gettin' into it & I start hearin' the dog barkin' & barkin .... & barkin ...... & the damn thing just would'nt shut up!

So Martha, that's the name I'll give her for this story cuz that's who I would think about when we were bangin',... I guess I better explain:
-
I had this thing fer Martha Stewart for a while, I just dreamed of doin' her up the dooky hole & I mean really drillin fer oil too! - An in my dream I'm plundering & pillaging her hole an she wuz just luvin' it yellin' "it's a good thing, it's a GOOD thing" at the top of her lungs ya know & were both just sweatin' an grindin' untill she begs me ta blow my guy goo on her & I like the way she asks for it too "Pour your milk on my corn flakes" ??? which meant on her ass & back... ??? - don't ask it wuz a dream..!! I wuz just thankful she did'nt reference sumthin from the garden.
So anyway I cover her "cornflakes" with my crazy cow & while she's resting there enjoying the drizzle I reach down an dip my finger through the dooky doorway, swipe it around an then give her a "Dirty Sanchez" to which she replies "Ole'!!"

So any way the dog's barkin & it throws Martha's ju-ju off or sumthin' so she get's up an goes out the bedroom & I'm sittin there with my pecker in my hands, an she starts talkin' to the dog (Buffy) like he's a kid... "now Buffy I'm fine I'm just havin' some fun so you don't worry, OK??? then comes back in the BR shuts the door & hops back in bed.
Well I don't let it phase me I wuz just glad she hurried back.
So we get goin' again & she starts moanin' & groanin'... there's the damn barkin' again.... So, same thing, goes out talks to the dog & comes back.

Well this happened 2 more times an I tell her "Look just do what you have to but shut that dog up!!" - - She tell’s me “he is just jealous that your with me & he can’t see me & of course he’s worried”.
Well I didn’t have time for the dog psychology & I jus wanted to bust a nut so I said “do what ya have to”
So she goes to the door, talks to the dog & leaves the door cracked a little so “Buffy”-the male dog, can see us & “not worry”

We get back into it & I’m doin’ Martha doggy style, I think I chose that position just to fuck with her dog, (excuse the pun on both) and the dog starts whining so she just can’t take it & tells me “I think he doesn’t like us in this position” (Ya think???)

So she suggests we go “cowgirl” & we switch, start goin’ at it a few minutes & she suddenly switches to lazy cowgirl, ya know, where she basically is in cowgirl position but lays down on top of you face to face, but in our case cuz she wuz a little taller, it wuz more like face ta tits, but that’s OK with me.

So she is ridin’ & I can tell her ju-ju is workin’ an my mojo is werkin’ so all is well with tha world.
Were rockin’ an rollin’ I got her tits over my face & I close my eyes & dream of, you know who, & things just kinda got surreal ya know & I’m goin’ with tha flow an all is well with the world & who knows how much time passed but after a bit I just end up layin there, like the lazy fuck that I am, & let her do the moves.
Hey, I’m into equal rights ya know.

So she’s movin’ & getting into it & moaning & grinding & moaning louder & I’m just layin’ there enjoyin’ the ride & I notice she has stopped movin’ but she’s still just a moanin’ away!
& I think, cool she’ gone tantric on me!!
But wait… how come the beds still movin’???
Well she’s still moanin - LOUD - and I can dig that but I got ta know how she’s movin the bed.

So I pull my face away from her baby feeder bags... & I see... a fuking….. Paw????
“What the hell is this” I think to myself.
I must a fell asleep & that damn dog decided he no longer wanted to be a spectator!

So I wuz going to say sumthin’ but Martha wuz REALLY getting into it & getting a few screams in between moans & she’s never quite done that before so I do what any lazy fuck would do I just lay there & enjoy the show!
So there’s Martha moaning & screaming & there’s Buffy humpin’ & huffin’ & there’s me just in utter amazement!
Well it didn’t take long & I blew my load & she finally had cum so many times she just couldn’t go any more & Buffy got tired & just couldn’t hump any more so it all came to an end with the 3 of us, well the 2 of them, exhausted.
So we laid there a while & finally I decided I wanted up so I rolled Martha off of me & Buffy got up & the two of us stared at each other for a while then we went out on the balcony & had a smoke!
Me... & Buffy!!

STRANGEST ENCOUNTER I EVER HAD!!!



.

Closest description to beastuality I've read without actually being there.

 

[BigBlue]

Mr. O.....

I call "bullshit"......cut & paste from "Hustler"???

 

[Mr.O]

I pulled out a little vibrator wich I was going to use on him, but I had to put a finger condom on it first.
He yelled up and he asked me what is that and where did I get that small condom. I said that's a finger condom not for you.
He suggested it I should put it on him instead.
I started laughing, I thought he was kiddin, I almost peed myself laughing so hard.
He was dead serious, so I stopped the laugh. He was such a doll a really nice guy....but

I wuz going to suggest a stapler with the regular condoms!

 

[Mr.O]

No "bullshit"......

I call "bullshit"......cut & paste from "Hustler"???

... Blue, I created that thar story outa my own fertile mind!

But yer welcome ta look fer it in any mag ya want.

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