Dating and being asked about previous relationships

[janus]

I haven't dated for a very long time and have used exclusively s/p for my sexual needs. What should I say if I start going out on dates and the question of previous relationships/sexual history comes up? What is a good plausible answer.

 

[BORKO]

I haven't dated for a very long time and have used exclusively s/p for my sexual needs. What should I say if I start going out on dates and the question of previous relationships/sexual history comes up? What is a good plausible answer.

I'd say don't mention you see SPs.

 

[VanessaofBC]

I haven't dated for a very long time and have used exclusively s/p for my sexual needs. What should I say if I start going out on dates and the question of previous relationships/sexual history comes up? What is a good plausible answer.

Just say you have been single. No lady is going to inquire as to how you sexually satisfied yourself.

Still need a reason for being single? Try that you have been "focused on work"or "looking for the right woman".

 

[PlayfulAlex]

snip...OT: I find that relationships are easier with a retired or semi-retired SP.

Maybe we could start up a database or something? You know, make it easier for the community to connect with each other...

PoSPF

www.plentyofspfish.com

 

[InTheBum]

This happened to me recently when I found myself attracted to a civilian. On our second date, we were headed out of town for a weekend. During a long drive, the issue of massage arose and she asked if I ever had a happy ending. I said "Of course." She asked if I had more than that. I said "Yes, sometimes." Wrong answer! Poor girl was shaken. Long pause "In China, that man is bad man." I said "This isn't China and I'm OK." The relationship developed, but was hindered. Over the months, she would ask about my sexual experience and I cut it off with "I've never asked you about your experience. Please don't ask about mine. I said too much earlier. So now I'll talk only about us today and not about my history." That worked and eventually ended further inquiries. If I ever date another civilian, I won't lie but will just decline to discuss it. OT: I find that relationships are easier with a retired or semi-retired SP.

She sounds anal and square....NEXT!ound::clap2:

 

[odonnell]

The question shouldn't even come up in a new dating situation. None of her business at that stage especially so a response like "Why do you ask?" would let you know if she is indirectly wanting to open a discussion about your sexual health or something else which again, at that stage, is also probably none of her business. If it comes up after you've been seeing someone for awhile, just dismiss it with something humorous like "I haven't counted the notches on my belt in awhile". How many is none of her business ever really unless you start asking her the question first, so don't. It has no relevance. Focus on safe encounters each time and have health talk early before clothes come off. The contagious things are definitely your business and hers to talk about. THAT is relevant.

 

[deleted Miss Lux]

Maybe we could start up a database or something? You know, make it easier for the community to connect with each other...

PoSPF

www.plentyofspfish.com

Love this idea! Dating non pooners as an SP can be very challenging... As I can imagine for some of you guys who want to be open and honest with non SP partners. Nice when both parties have an ease of understanding

 

[badbadboy]

I haven't dated for a very long time and have used exclusively s/p for my sexual needs. What should I say if I start going out on dates and the question of previous relationships/sexual history comes up? What is a good plausible answer.

Just say you have had a couple friends with benefits relationships but you have moved on and would like to eventually have a monogamous relationship. Definitely do not mention your previous past of visiting SP's. Most civilian women would never understand nor trust you after hearing that info.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

Most civilian women would never understand nor trust you after hearing that info.

...or they would understand perfectly, and never put themselves in a position of having to trust you... jes sayin'

 

[storm rider]

Just say you dated but weren't in anything serious--which implies that you were seeing people but just not with them for a long time-- because you didn't find the right person and you'd rather focus on bettering yourself in your personal and professional career. If she presses further into the matter and asks what your number is, or any of that bullshit, just say that you have had sex with more than one woman and it really shouldn't matter what your number is because it's in the past. If you're disease free, this shouldn't be an issue. Some things are best kept to a minimum.

I like this response best as it pretty much nails it down.If I got into a serious relationship and the gal
started asking me intrusive questions my response would be "I have a PAST and you have a PAST,as
I am not digging into your past why do you feel the right to dig into mine?"If that does not stop the gal
cold then she has some serious issues and I would most likely break it off with her as I have dealt
with a nutcase control freak like that before.

Just my .02

SR

 

[VanessaofBC]

She sounds anal and square....NEXT!ound::clap2:

That is EXACTLY what my civi GF said!!! lol....

edit: you could also say you are having health probs and was not in the mood.

 

[janus]

I like to thank everyone out there in our community for providing me with insightful info as to how to navigate myself around this question if it ever comes up( and of course if even find myself on a date in the first place-God how I detest this on line BS but a much younger friend has convinced me to at least try and give it a go).

A woman at work I told once "I don't live a celibate life, but I prefer not to get into that one." This was after she question me that I have never mentioned a girl friend after she has known me for about four years. I actually felt good about that answer and I am sure she told most of our co workers about our conversation as well. I was amused as well.

 

[newatit]

yes, I think keeping your history as your history is really best. attempts to indulge into it are going to lead to problems later on and in fact I would think are the sign that the gal you are dating has some issues. Things get thrown back at you for years and years, and what isn't known is best.

What is fair, I think, is the present situation. If you are dating and concerned the relationship could go further, or are being intimate, you might be concerned about safety and intentions. being active with a gal who is active with other partners carries the risk of mulitiple contacts. so asking questions that establish that there is safety in the arrangement are fair.

 

[Oliver Clozov]

I am all for going with the truth. You don't have to tell all the details to tell the truth.

I have found in the relationships that I have had over the last four years that women can be very accepting of the past. I have been honest about my past in all these relationships. I saw SP's while I was married and wasn't honest with my wife or myself as to what I was doing. The women I dated or my girlfriend now easily come to my defense about how my wife must not have satisfied me for me to look some where else. My girlfriend will also throw in that if I see an Sp while seeing her she will cut my balls off.

For me it is best to have a relationship with someone who knows all my truths and therefore has a real chance to know me. I want her to feel free share all of her truths with me as well. I don't want all the details either.

 

[hiddencloud]

This is another one of those subjective things where you have to get to know the person you're dating and find out how they'll react to this. There's lots of ways to bring up the topic without involving yourself directly in it.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Just say you have had a couple friends with benefits relationships but you have moved on and would like to eventually have a monogamous relationship. Definitely do not mention your previous past of visiting SP's. Most civilian women would never understand nor trust you after hearing that info.

 

[johnsmit]

Honestly if you admit you had any sexual relations your srewed....
Weather your a a man or women .. for some reason you think the other person has to be a virgin... or you cant trust them

I does not seem to matter what your history was... the partner that many people
want ..has be with out blemish..lol

Most people are very insecure about their sexuality.. and jelousy... and miss trust .is the norm...

I personal .. like Sp... date them ..and befriend them.... and i know that because i have seen escorts ... they.wont trust me to be a ons woman man....

Reality they know very little about me.... ..I am a one women man.. i stay loyal.. to one escort at a time
..I they are friends
.. then i only see them for sex....Now if they are involverd with others.. and have no time for me
I will look for some one else . and stay loyal to them....

If it is a relationship... then it better built .first . on accepting.. who the person .is.. what thry have done in
there live .. and with who... and be prepaired to accept some of those people still tl be around... men or women.

Hiding your head in thd sand.. ..puting on the jeliousy act.... not trusting your partner...If you dont know them well
enough to know what they might do .... and accept it .. Then you have the wrong person..

I rather. be in a relationship with an open minded sexually adventurious girl.. that is not a fraid to say what on bere mind. or talk about the things shd has done...then i know .. of what to expect..

Of course i usually mdet them when they are not as wild.... because i am just thag party pete kind of guy lol