AudioVisuals Suk @ SU

[sidewinder]

I'm not usually one to complain, but after my latest roll in the hay with Mlle. V. I've just got to get this burning issue that's been troubling me off of my chest.

O.K. here goes.

Now, Miz Vikki really has gone out of her way to make sure that there are Radio/CD players in every room AND TV's with DVD players. Great.

In our Last episode, and with the kind assistance of Mlle. Seven, who happened to meet me at the door, it became a technical achievement worth comparing with a spacewalk to get the %$#!@ TV/DVD going, but when it did...what started playing was NOT my copy of Joe Cocker's Mad Dogs and Englishmen, but a made-in-Langford all-Cdn. porno DVD called Phantom Love.

I suppose I should have checked to see whether there was another disk in the machine beforehand, but hey, I hope you will maybe forgive me for operating occasionally on autopilot with the smaller of my two heads.

Anyway... Seven managed to extract the first DVD, put in mine, and everything was Jake from there on in, except when I actually attempted sit down and watch this turkey...

Fellow Pooners, Ladies and lurkers, I'm sorry, but this has to have been the rottenest, boringest, limp-dicked excuse for porno since since Linda Lovelace's Grandmother went down on the Titanic!

At least when they make a porno flick in Esquimalt, they have a budget for some Viagra...just to make it through the work day.

But Not in this one!!! In fact I'm so choked right now, I'm not even gonna tell you all how it ends.

There I said it.

And one other thing. Today, Violet walked me through the construction area where the new jacuzzi tub's supposed to go.
Hey it feels like that corner's been under construction since the second coming!!! Maybe if Vikki paid her contractor in something other than handjobs it could be ready for splashdown city a little sooner!

And I may as well put you all on notice now, that once it becomes operational, Violet, me, probably Seven and maybe even this morning's phone lady ARE GOING TO OWN IT!!!!

'nuff said.

 

[Lesbian Hunter]

Let me see if I've got this right. There's war in Iraq and Afghanistan, millions are hungry and starving in Africa, global warming is of major concern and you're having trouble with a lousy porno movie you're watching with a hooker.

I'd say your issue is of critical importance.

MY advice to you is to relate the words of a Zen master: "This too will pass."

 

[seduction]

All Canadian Langford Porn

You are complaining about the porn Sidewinder! Haven't you heard that I am from Langford.....Yes Sidewinder Langford.....it was much, much cheaper for me to pull out the dvd's I had recorded in previous years......they were FREE.....Free is always good! Perhaps if you watch one long enough, you may even see me in it

As for the handjobs the carpenter is getting, you are very wrong here.......he's paid with blowjobs, now if I could only get those girls off the end of his cock long enough to do some work everything would be fine! Perhaps you would like to help out and speed things along!

Vikki xoxoox

 

[d_Duck55]

Perhaps you would like to help out and speed things along!

Vikki xoxoox

I'm confused. Help with the blowjobs, or with the plumbing?

 

[seduction]

I'm confused. Help with the blowjobs, or with the plumbing?

I was hoping Sidewinder could help with the carpentry as our guy is busy all day with the girls, or maybe sidewinder could keep the girls busy so the carpenter could do his job!

 

[sidewinder]

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

As for the handjobs the carpenter is getting, you are very wrong here.......he's paid with blowjobs, Perhaps you would like to help out and speed things along!

Uh Thanks, Ma'am...I've met him once. And he looks like a heckuva nice fella...but sorry, he's just not my type...

XXOOXX

 

[funsporty]

I was hoping Sidewinder could help with the carpentry as our guy is busy all day with the girls, or maybe sidewinder could keep the girls busy so the carpenter could do his job!

I believe that is why Sidewinder went there in the first place and paid for quality time with a girl. In the past I have had a good time there but I think I will wait for the construction to be completed before I re-visit

 

[sidewinder]

Langford, Aye Langford!!

Haven't you heard that I am from Langford.....Yes Sidewinder Langford.....

Vikki xoxoox

Thank you Miz Vikki, so happens that I know a thing or two about that wunderful place too, and here are a couple of true stories to illustrate that fact:

1) The Langford Zoo

(I'll bet most of you didn't know that Langford has a Zoo, aside from the Loghouse Pub on a Friday night...)

Langford Zoo on Vancouver island had acquired a female gorilla of a very rare species.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.
To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Athaire, the lad responsible for fixing the Zoo’s machinery. Athaire seemed to be
possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the Zoo administrators
thought they might have a solution.

Athaire was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla
for $500?

He showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Athaire announced that he would accept their offer, only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don’t want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third
condition was.

"Well," said Athaire, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."


2. Golfer's Honeymoon

A Langford couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,
when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this !@#$ hole."

 

[seduction]

So Sidewinder.....I see you finally found our langford franchise......and who the hell told you about my honeymoon!!! Those girls sure let out a ton of information.


V

 

[athaire]

Thats it I'm sueing that Zoo........I want my money back..........

 

[sidewinder]

Stop me if you've heard this one..

Thats it I'm sueing that Zoo........I want my money back..........

True story.

Two Victoria Pooners wind up at the Langford Zoo in front of the gorilla cage.
The male gorilla wasn't in any kind of good mood as his mate was at the vets' for a few days.

Sidewinder says: "Hey watch me get a rise of this big ape!"
Athaire says: " Not a good idea. See the sign? Don't molest the gorilla!"

"Aw he can take it...here watch this!" And Sidewinder flashes his genitals at the gorilla. Quick as a snake, the gorilla grabs Sidewinder through the bars, pulls him inside the cage, drags him screaming behind a rock and has its way with him.

Athaire screams blue murder and runs around frantically untill he finds a zookeeper to tranquilize the gorilla. Then they pried the two of them apart with a 2x4 and rushed Sidewinder to VGH for emergency surgery. For 3 days he was on the critical list. Finally after it looked like he was going to pull through, Athaire visited him in intensive care.

"You jerk! I told you not to tease the gorilla."

"Oh, but it's even worse than you can imagine. You have no idea!"

"What could be worse than what that gorilla did to you?" asked Athaire.

"I'll tell you what's worse....he didn't call, didn't write, & didn't send any flowers either..."

 

[athaire]

......lol.....