My gut feeling (date prospect)

[poorboyv6]

I was invited to a barbeque on June 30 because a coworker friend said his girlfriend had a couple of single friends. I checked out three at the bbq, and found one to be interesting to me. She seemed to be cheery and in reasonable shape.

I asked her a few standard questions like what do you do for a living, what area of Vancouver do you live in, etc. Small talk. My friend is trying to get her to take the bait on asking me questions by mentioning what I do for a living, that I'm a pilot, etc. She didn't ask me a single question about myself even though I continued trying to make conversation with her.

My friend asks me if I am interested in her, and I say yes, but that she doesn't appear to be interested in me. My friend, who I do appreciate trying to help me out says he'll get her email for me so I can contact her because he thinks she's just oblivious that someone is interested. I get her email mid week and after my friend bugs me to email her, do so on July 5.

Hi Y,

I met you at A and B's barbecue. I was wondering if you would be interested in meeting again?

Thanks,

X


I receive no reply until my friend asks me if the girl replied. I tell him no, but that I appreciate his effort in trying to help me. On July 10, I receive an email.

Hi X,

Sure we can meet again. I'm a bit tied up in July though (my parents are visiting from out of town and we're departing on an Alaska cruise this Saturday), so perhaps we can arrange for something in August?

Cheers,

Y

I tell her:

I'll be in Ontario the first two weeks of August. I'll contact you when I get back.


My gut says she's not interested. Opinions?

 

[juniper]

Have to disagree with Tim on this, Poorboy. Don't assume anything. Contact her while you are in Ontario, tell her what you are doing, ask her if she wants to meet when you return. Actually, be more specific, more creative, i.e., picnic in the park, space-sciences centre or seeing an aeronautics show (you're the pilot). Problem for you is that you may get down on yourself and give the chase up, perhaps because of prior failure. You don't know what it is with her (girls tend to be so mysterious anyway), i.e., bad prior relationship, currently breaking up with someone, low self-image (as you implied). Anyway, air (there we go again with that damn aeronautical image) this situation out and allow this airplane (uh oh, the aeronautical reference again) to complete its flight. You're a pilot?! That means you have a profession, can make a very decent living, are financially secure, employable, reliable but also exciting. You've probably come to the wrong venue for advice, however. This is a "pooner's" board, not a datemaker's. At any rate, if this woman desires a relationship as opposed to a fling, you appear to possess all the necessary ingredients. The only thing left is chemistry. Talking about chemistry, recipes requiring time, slow-cooked recipes with spices and other additives, i.e., dried fruit such as raisins, brought in to the mix on a gradual basis et voila, it's the best kind of meal and there you have it. Kindly let us know what comes about as it comes about. Also Respectfully, Juniper

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Have to disagree with Tim on this, Poorboy. Don't assume anything. Contact her while you are in Ontario, tell her what you are doing, ask her if she wants to meet when you return. Actually, be more specific, more creative, i.e., picnic in the park, space-sciences centre or seeing an aeronautics show (you're the pilot). Problem for you is that you may get down on yourself and give the chase up, perhaps because of prior failure. You don't know what it is with her (girls tend to be so mysterious anyway), i.e., bad prior relationship, currently breaking up with someone, low self-image (as you implied). Anyway, air (there we go again with that damn aeronautical image) this situation out and allow this airplane (uh oh, the aeronautical reference again) to complete its flight. You're a pilot?! That means you have a profession, can make a very decent living, are financially secure, employable, reliable but also exciting. You've probably come to the wrong venue for advice, however. This is a "pooner's" board, not a datemaker's. At any rate, if this woman desires a relationship as opposed to a fling, you appear to possess all the necessary ingredients. The only thing left is chemistry. Talking about chemistry, recipes requiring time, slow-cooked recipes with spices and other additives, i.e., dried fruit such as raisins, brought in to the mix on a gradual basis et voila, it's the best kind of meal and there you have it. Kindly let us know what comes about as it comes about.

Sounds good. :nod:

If you really think she's pretty special then bow your ego, go for it, and sweep her off her feet. If you try to find excuses even before you started then you'll never know if she's the soulmate meant for you.

 

[Hoops]

She's not that into you.

 

[poorboyv6]

OK, a few things here:

1) You probably shot yourself in the foot with having your friend attain her email address. Having your friend do your heavy lifting is lame in highschool. Think how it looks on you, an adult doing this.

2) She responded to you 5 days later. Seeing how it's an email, maybe she didn't check her email or maybe she was just busy? If she had no interest in you, she'd probably not message you. Especially seeing how she's going on a cruise, she's probably busy getting her stuff together for her trip. And she offered to meet up with you when she gets back.

3) You're a pilot. Pilots and flight attendants from the same and different airlines hookup all the time. Why not do this? And where's your confidence? You're the first pilot I've ever come across that seems to have zero confidence. Act your profession!

1) I didn't ask my friend to get her email. He decided he would get it for me and then told me to email her.

2) Most people check their email fairly regularly. She only responded after my friend asked me if she replied to my email.

3) I never said I'm a professional pilot. I fly around the lower mainland in a 2 seater on the weekends. The only time I see a flight attendant when I fly Westjet.

 

[mimi]

Poorboy, the problem with dating, I have found, is that everyone wants to move so fast. Just meeting for coffee is like an agreement for marriage. So far, the only thing you two have in common is that you are both single.

I agree with Playful Alex about writing an email that has a little more depth. Too many fellows send a first contact with one sentence, which, reveals nothing about their personality or interests. A huge long letter about your entire life is not necessary, but letting her know a small bit about your basic interests is good. The important thing is to not give her the impression that a date with you is an agreement to a life long commitment.

Sending a nice email saying that your job has made it difficult to meet people, so you are rusty on the dating ritual, but, you were impressed by her cheerful attitude and thought it would be fun to do something together, no strings or expectations. Then give her some idea of things you like to do (check out a cool new bistro? see some historic site? picnic in the park?) A small bit about your hobbies and interest is good.

You have no idea if she has any hobbies or interests similar to yours, or whether you like the same coffee, wine, food, activities, so there is no point setting your hat for her only to be disappointed.

Juniper is correct; start things slowly. Have no expectations of instant chemistry. Funny thing about instant chemistry is that it can disappear as fast as it started with no common interests to support the friendship. If you are looking for a long term soul mate, then, friendship is what you want to develop, and you go about that the same way you do with your men friends.