BASIC POONER MANDARIN: The magic key to a Chinese SP’s heart

[tantalizeme]

Tutorial 3: Yet More Pooner Mandarin

I got serious about pooning 6 yrs ago, on a mind-blowing trip to China.

But I found the language barrier acutely frustrating. Here I was at midnight, horny as hell in my hotel room, when a lady called me offering massage.

At the time I didn't even know how to say, "Come right on up!" but stupidly replied, "Nǐ shì shéi?"—not knowing that a Chinese person would perceive this way of asking "Who are you?" as hugely impolite.

No wonder the lady whose "massage" I so fervently desired immediately hung up on me. I soon realized, if I wanted to experience erotic paradise on earth with Chinese SPs, there was no way around learning Mandarin. Very few of them would ever learn English.

I've thought of giving English language CDs to Chinese SPs as a gift. But there're usually no CD players in micros, and if they really wanted to learn, they could find hundreds of "Learn English" websites on their computers. For the most part, micro girls just aren't in the mind space for studying—though a few of them asked me (in Mandarin) how to say this or that in English.

In my view, pooners who believe getting optimal service is just a matter of plunking down cash are sadly mistaken. There's no way around it: Western pooners who want to get the most out of encounters with Chinese SPs need to get serious about learning to communicate in basic Mandarin.

I totally agree with my critics, a few isolated phrases do not make a conversation—that's why I'm working hard on improving my Mandarin in general.

But, as Ms Sarah rightly points out, even isolated phrases have an ice-breaking effect. Chinese ladies are often self-conscious about not knowing English, and when you reach out to them—however incompetently—in their country's national language, they feel grateful and remember you over run-of-the-mill pooners who don't.

Sweet talk (haǒhuà)

1. You’re such a sweetie = nǐ shì wǒde bǎo​bèi (lit. "You're my baby")

2. Your smile makes me happy = nǐde wēixiào ràng wǒ kuàilù

3. I like you = wǒ xǐhuan nǐ

4. I want you, I desire you = wǒ yào nǐ

5. I fear I've developed a crush on you = háipà wǒ rèlián ni le.

6. I've fallen in love with you = wǒ aìsheng nǐ le. (Chinese women want you to say this only if you mean it)

7. We get along so well = wǒmen hěn hèdelái.

8. You’re really cute = nǐ zhén kě’ài

9. Your figure is perfect = nǐde shēncái wánměi

10. I like your titties = wǒ xǐhuan nǐ nǎinǎi

11. You've got lots courage, making love with a Western guy! = nǐ hěn yǒu yongjì gēn yīge wèiguórén zuò'ài!

12. I like your warm personality = nide gèxìng hěn rèqíng, wǒ xǐhuan.

13. You're not a superficial person = nǐ bù shì yīge qiǎn​bó de rén

14. You're both smart and pretty = nǐ yòu cōngmǐn yòu piàoliang

15. Wear these stockings, okay? = nǐ chuān zhège sīwà, haǒ bù haǒ?

16. I like eye shadow, will you put some on? = wǒ hěn xǐhuan yěnyíng, nǐ huà zhuāng ma?

17. You smoke? Can I watch you smoke? = nǐ chōuyān ma? Kě bù kěyi kàn ni chōuyān?

18. These condoms won't fit. Let me use my own = zhège bìyùntào bù shìhé. Wǒ yòng zìjǐ de.

19. It's not as big as it looks = kànqǐlái hěn dà, shíjì bù shì tài dà ("appears very big, in fact is not too big")

20. Let's use lots of lube = yīnggāi yòng hěnduō rùnhuá

21. I'll do my best to satisfy you = wǒ jìnlì mǎnzú nǐ

22. May I take photos of you = kěyi pāizhào ma? / kěyi zhào (ge) xiàng ma?

23. Spread your legs, give me your lovely pussy to photograph = kāi nǐde tuǐ, gěi wǒ nǐde měilì de xiǎomèimei pāizhào

24. Feels good = hěn shūfu

25. I don't want to hurt you = wǒ bù yào ràng nǐ shòushāng

26. Hope I didn't hurt you? = wǒ xīwàng bù shāngdào nǐ le ma? (could be physical or mental hurt)

27. Does it hurt? = tòng bútòng?

28. I'm really sorry = zhēn duìbuqǐ

29. I'm willing. Are you willing? = wǒ yuànyì. Nǐ yuànyì ma?

30. Are you on your period? = yuějíng lái le ma?

 

[87112]

Who give a fuck about your Yellow Skin fetish? Why dont you get a giant crayon and draw yourself as a yellow dude.

 

[Sleepmonger]

Even if somebody remembers a line or two from your extensive collection of one-liners, it is still a long way from holding a somewhat meaningful Mandarin conversation with an SP. And one would look fucking stupid when the SP goes beyond the one or two one-liners that one has memorized.

I feel the same way towards the usefulness of learning one liners. Except... what if they arent trying to have a meaningful mandrin conversation, but just break the ice?

You know what though, even if no one uses these (or no one has the capability to speak enough mandrin to be able to use these and is unable to come up with them himself) The excercise of typing them out and posting them in the forum is excellent practice for tantalizeme's own mandrin... Since it isnt negatively affecting anyone and is good practice what's the problem? Worst case scenario it's his own time he's wasting not yours.

I may do a quick translate of the lines you've typed out just for fun and practice too... if I've time.

Forgive me if nothing makes sense... I'm tired and the wine and frozen grapes have gotten to me a bit.

 

[Tugela]

But, this is what they are thinking: 肥胖有臭味的猪

 

[Pillowtalk]

You forgot:

More sweet talk:

31. Yes, this is a whip.

32. You look scared. Are you scared?

33. The pain of the whip will take your mind off the pain of Greek with me.

34. If you make me stop, no tip for you!

35. Oh, should I have asked you first if whipping you was OK?

36. I'll just stick this in here, never mind if you don't like it. You are probably just in denial, and really actually do want it.

 

[tantalizeme]

Thanks for cheering me on—another useful tutorial is in the works

Pillowtalk, thank you for your translation request. I'll gladly consider any Mandarin translation request, whether from fellow pooners or SPs. Give it a few days, I've asked my translation team to incorporate your suggested phrases into Tutorial #4—which should be a smash hit.

Great to see you're developing an interest in Mandarin—which, surely, is a far more constructive use of our spare time than most.

Knowing a bit of Mandarin would no doubt endear an SP like yourself to Chinese immigrants, who often have a "white girl" fetish but feel insecure at the same time. I've been trying to fix up a good Chinese friend with the blonde SP of his dreams for ages, but he's just too full of trepidation and would rather surf Polish porn websites.

It might also be lucrative for Caucasian SPs to go touring in places like Hongkong, Singapore or Taiwan (or even mainland China, though I advise caution). Fluency in basic Mandarin will save you endless frustration on such a tour.


wilde, uncleg & honda761: Appreciate your continued interest in this subject. I know, Asians from a pure Cantonese-speaking background have almost as much trouble with Mandarin as English speakers. Luckily for you, most mainland Chinese SPs in Vancouver have spent time in Hongkong and picked up some Cantonese.

I also appreciate comments in Chinese, though—for the benefit of nonChinese-speaking brothers—perhaps in the future you could accompany any Chinese phrases with a translation?

Here is one for you: tíngzhǐ màochōng pǔtōnghuà zhuānjiā

Literally this means something like, "Stop the pretend Chinese-language expert." A somewhat tongue-in-cheek encouragement of my "Pooner Mandarin" project?

But, this is what they are thinking: 肥胖有臭味的猪

Plugging this text into my nifty translation engine (http://www.mdbg.net/chindict/chindict.php ), I get féi​pàng yǒu chòuwèi de zhū, literally: "Fat people (you mean Western guys?) have the swine of stink", which I think is ungrammatical even in Chinese. It should probably read, féi​pàng yǒu zhū de chòuwèi: "Fat people have the stink of swine."

Is that really what you believe Chinese SPs think when they see Western guys like me, or is this perhaps some kind of underhanded compliment?


Asianwomanlover, I value your support. You and I are clearly embarked on very much the same journey, ploughing parallel furrows in the garden of Eros.

lenny: Intoxicated or not, thanks for your consistently sympathetic input. Do me a favor and start a thread on Thai phrases that might be useful to pooners (and Sleepmonger could start a similar thread on Japanese phrases!) Just what this Board needs, in view of the "Asian invasion" of the Vancouver escort scene—as well as given the travel plans some of us habor to greener pastures overseas.

Sleepmonger: You're a refreshing new voice on this Board. I gather you've an extensive stay in Japan under your belt?

You're right: typing out tutorials, based on my private list of pooner phrases, is a beneficial exercise for myself. It's nice if it also benefits a few fellow pooners—which is more than can be said of many threads.

But guess what? Talking to Chinese friends I've found that even they don't often know how to translate English sex terms! Chinese culture apparently doesn't encourage too much verbalizing in bed. So this thread might be a bit of an eye-opener even for Chinese-speaking pooners.

Please keep encouraging me. Another useful tutorial should be coming up shortly.

 

[myselftheother]

Great thread, Tant! These other asian persuasion perbites who are shitting on you for helping us white devils communicate with some lovely asian sp's are nothing but racist, foolish little boys who feel threatened by us Westerners...well, my yellow fellows, you truly have nothing to fear other than your own insecurities. What's wrong with learning a few phrases that might help ease a language barrier? Obviously someone won't learn a whole language from this thread, but a few phrases or even learning to say 'hi there, how are you' may go a long way in creating a more comfortable situation....for everyone.

Looks like racism isn't just a white thing...comes in yellow too.

 

[Tugela]

http://www.mdbg.net/chindict/chindict.php[/url] ), I get féi​pàng yǒu chòuwèi de zhū, literally: "Fat people (you mean Western guys?) have the swine of stink", which I think is ungrammatical even in Chinese. It should probably read, féi​pàng yǒu zhū de chòuwèi: "Fat people have the stink of swine."

Is that really what you believe Chinese SPs think when they see Western guys like me, or is this perhaps some kind of underhanded compliment?

Lol...I have no idea what exactly it means, but that is what came up when I popped the phrase into the translator.

Btw, I think it is a pretty safe bet that is more or less what most are thinking when they get a European client. From what I've heard westerners don't rate that high on the respect scale in that part of the world.

 

[Man Mountain]

Someone posted this under the following video on YouTube. I have no idea if it's right or not but maybe one of you guys could confirm that it's correct and try it.

Gěi wǒ yīxiē táng bǎobǎo

 

[vancity_cowboy]

Looks like racism isn't just a white thing...comes in yellow too.

you ain't just whistlin' dixie there pardner... :nod: :thumb:

 

[hotjac]

Thanks Tant - what a some don't understand here is that by increasing/sharing our communication abilities everyone has a better time; adding humor at the very least, and literally getting a better bang for your buck at most - and that my friends is called a win-win experience.

I look forward to your next installment ... now if I could just get the accent/stress sounds, and how "c" and "zh" morph into something else all together i could get past the laughter part

 

[Ned Flanders]

I am pretty sure it's because of the 6 greens in your wallet but whatever floats your boat man. I get that you want to romanticize your pooning experience but please come back to earth once in a while.

Let me now go start my competing thread: Basic Pooner English: The magic key to a Cauasian SP's ass.ound:

Wow, that is the best post I read all week!

 

[Pillowtalk]

tant, it's a funny assumption you have that I haven't studied mandarin already and/or cantonese (being that Cantonese is more likely to be encountered in the past in Vancouver. It's also funny that you assume I currently have clients in this area. That's a pretty big passive aggressive attack there, wilde sure has pegged you correctly.


Maybe if wilde does compile that list of common English phrases for white sps you may find it of some help. It never hurts to have someone tell you that it is not beneficial to walk into an appt with an English speaking sp and tell her that you expect her service to be subpar, that she probably has a princess diva attitude, and you fully expect to be disappointed.


I kind of think that phrase may nail it. There is a reason why the asian style includes showers at the beginning. I believe the typical asian client is more likely to arrive freshly washed, but they discovered that the typical non-asian client does not.? Diet also plays a part, so that the delicate sensitivity of an asian sp might be more aware of these differences and prefer the asian client.

 

[mimi]

I was in the process of learning Cantonese from the lady at Maxim's where I, as a pastry whore, spent most of my lunches, but then, Mr. Lau of Bejing said, "no, no Mimi, Mandarin is now unification language!" So, I switched...

One of the problems learning this language through a written script is the very different ways of producing sounds. For example, the X is produced by saying 'see' but allowing the sides of the tongue to touch the inside of the teeth more snuggly, and not fitting the tip of the tongue against the bottom teeth as firmly as when saying 'see'. Putting the language in phonetic terms would be easier.

People of all ages and orientations are flattered when they hear an attempt at their native language by a foreigner, even cold hearted evil sps. I was at the top of a mountain on a hike and bumped into a Korean family, mostly senior types, who shut their 'faces' when encountering a stranger, but a simple hello in Korean had them thaw visibly and begin to chatter in Korean (my accents are very good)

What do you do when you only know a few words? You laugh in a charming way and admit you are a very poor speaker and they are always helpful, sometimes even assisting in correction of phrases etc.

As a unification language Mandarin is taught in all schools throughout China so the age group of sps that Tant sees would have basic Mandarin. Mandarin is now being taught in Vancouver and white folks who sense the winds of change are making sure their kids learn this important language.

 

[satinguy]

Mandarin is now being taught in Vancouver and white folks who sense the winds of change are making sure their kids learn this important language.

We have two Official Languages in Canada and Mandarin is not one of them.

"White folks who sense the winds of change are making sure their kids learn this important language." Really? Is Manadarin going to replace French or English in these winds of change? Not sure i buy this one.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

We have two Official Languages in Canada and Mandarin is not one of them.

"White folks who sense the winds of change are making sure their kids learn this important language." Really? Is Manadarin going to replace French or English in these winds of change? Not sure i buy this one.

well, it already has way more relevance than french in vancouver, and who knows about the future of english in vancouver - only time (and real estate prices) will determine that. as for 'official' status - that phrase never meant a damn thing anyway, unless you were applying for a job with the feds! lol

 

[wilde]

well, it already has way more relevance than french in vancouver, and who knows about the future of english in vancouver - only time (and real estate prices) will determine that. as for 'official' status - that phrase never meant a damn thing anyway, unless you were applying for a job with the feds! lol

Are there any French speaking pooners on Perb to start a "BASIC POONER FRENCH: The magic key to a French/Quebecois SP's heart" thread?:eyebrows:

 

[Sleepmonger]

Hey that would be awesome

 

[lenny]

French is about as dead a language in Hong/couver as Latin.

Nevertheless i said "Merci Beaucoup" to a SYAT at the medical clinic recently.

BTW, whenever in Hong Kong airport on the way to BKK/VCR i enjoy & get a laugh
out of the Chinese (and Japanese) on the loudspeaker...although with the female
voice speaking it, it is quite beautiful and tasty.

Also some cute HKG SYT working at the McDonald's & elsewhere.

3400

 

[Avery]

Are there any French speaking pooners on Perb to start a "BASIC POONER FRENCH: The magic key to a French/Quebecois SP's heart" thread?:eyebrows:

Here you go:

J'ai envie de te lécher le clito = I feel like licking your clit

J'aime très bien le goût de ta chatte = I really like the taste of your pussy

Mon dieu! Quelle graine!! = My god! What a cock!!

Allons baiser (fourrer) à quatre pattes = Let's fuck doggy sytle (literally, let's fuck on four paws)
-or-
Allons faire une levrette (literally, let's do a female hound)

Fais-moi une pipe = give me a blowjob

Bien, OK, je te fais une pipe, mais viens pas dans ma bouche = Well, OK, I'll give you a blowjob, but don't cum in my mouth

Glossary

la graine = cock
la queue = dick
la plotte = cunt
la chatte = pussy
les seins = breasts
les tétons = tits
les gosses = balls
la poche - ball sack
le cul = ass
les fesses = cheeks = bum
jouir or venir = to cum
femme fontaine = squirter (literally, fountain woman)

These are all common terms in Quebec. In most French-speaking countries, some of these terms would be quite different. For example, "Give me a blowjob" in France would be "Fais-moi un pompier" or "Fais-moi une sucette". literally. "Do me a fireman (pumper), or "Do me a lollipop".