"How porn has hijacked our sexuality"

[virginjohn]

I think it is a good idea to have a discussion about the influences of porn in our society but this interview seemed bizzare and outright delusional: http://pulsemedia.org/2010/06/29/gail-dines-how-pornland-destroys-intimacy-and-hijacks-sexuality/. Examples:

It’s body-punishing because the male performers pound away at a woman’s body. You often see three men orally, vaginally, and anally penetrate her over and over again for 20 minutes or more, and these are often Viagra-fortified penises, so they stay hard much longer. A woman’s body has limits. All of ours do. What you see in Gonzo porn is a woman’s anus that is red and sore and a swollen vagina. All of these things happen because of the way a woman’s body is treated. Even the pornography industry says that Gonzo is very demanding and potentially dangerous for women. If the industry is saying it, then there’s certainly a problem.

What I’ve found with my interviews with men is the more they watch, the more they want porn sex, because they become habituated to that kind of industrial-strength sex. Once you become habituated to that, anything else looks boring or uninteresting. What I find is that some men lose interest in their partners altogether and use more pornography. Other men nag and cajole their girlfriends to perform porn sex, or they use prostitutes because that’s who they think they can play this porn sex out on.

or

One example I talk about in Pornland is Brazilian waxes. They come straight down from the pornography industry. Most of the female students I meet across the country have no pubic hair whatsoever. Their boyfriends don’t like it, and I’ve even heard of cases where boys won’t have any sex with women if they have any hair. Where did this come from? When I was growing up, if somebody did that, you would think something was wrong with them. Suddenly girls are increasingly taking all of their pubic hair off and getting bikini waxes.

Another example is the way in which the pornographic and prostitution culture is being glamorized. Women can now take pole-dancing lessons. They wear clothing that looks like they just stepped out of pornography. You see it everywhere, and women are capitulating to men’s sexual demands because there are very few alternative ways of being female in this culture.

Another example of pornography having power is in the hook-up culture that’s taking place on college campuses. What is hook-up sex? It’s porn sex. It’s the same thing. It’s anonymous, non-intimate, and disconnected sex, and everyone is having hook-up sex in pornography. Increasingly, what’s interesting is that women and girls are consenting to hook-ups even though studies show that they experience less sexual pleasure than men and are more likely to be raped in such situations.

It is funny that the progressive left wing is sounding like the religious right on social issues these days. She complains about being cast off as anti-sex but when you say things like:

The problem with pornography is that it normalizes that which is a minority preference for many women. That’s all you see in pornography. You never see anybody say, “Let’s hold, let’s kiss, let’s do all of these things.” Everyone in pornography wants it as hard and fast as possible.

you can't complain.

 

[mimi]

I agree with who ever is speaking up there...porn (and coke, which, really fueled the need for porn) have changed our sexual expectations.

I find porn as boring as watching today's stupid cartoons.

There was a movie I watched where the clothes never came off and the actors did nothing more than kiss, but, the tension building up to it had me wet for days...it was 'Pride and Prejudice'....go figure!

 

[Karl Blues]

Totally agree, Dood. Some of Andrew Blake's early stuff was erotic, even if very contrived. Loved Wild Orchid too.

Personally I find most porn to be incredibly boring. If it's not the fake moaning and orgasms, it's the functional style sex. Porn is entirely predictable. We need some porn made by women that's more erotic and extends beyond the "oh baby, pound me harder'. I think the best example of fucking hot erotica is the movie Wild Orchard. The scene where the chick watches the two fuck in the derelict building (red dress chick) & the final scene where Rourke & that hot GF of his have sex (and apparently really had sex).

 

[juniper]

Possibly the most intelligent blog I've read on this website. Thanks for post, VirginJohn.

 

[Cock Throppled]

Everything she said was spot on.

Just what part of it was "bizarre and delusion" to you, VrginJohn?

 

[island-guy]

Many of the points are attributing things to porn that have nothing to do with porn. They also aren't really accurate about what women like, at least in my experience (let's hear from the women on that one)

For example, back when all the porn stars still had big hairy bushes, the girlfriend I had at the time was shaving her pussy bare. I don't remember the last time I had a girlfriend who didn't shave/wax either to bare to down to a small patch.

Also, I've been with several girls who LOVED to have a buttplug in while they were being fucked, and those girls were NOT into watching porn, so that's not where they got the idea from.

Similarly, saying that 20 minutes of pumping is too much? Give me a break, not if the girl is actually wet and aroused. Maybe for a girl who doesn't actually like sex and is dry as sandpaper, but I haven't had a girlfriend yet who would think that 20 minutes is too long. Same goes for the hard/deep aspect. I'm not a small guy by any means and any girl I've been with has said that she loved when she felt the back/bottom (or whatever you want to call the deep inside wall) get pushed in.

The quoted article sounds like it was written by a woman who just doesn't enjoy the intercourse part of sex at all. Saying that those who do enjoy it enjoy it because of porn is a crock

 

[HubbaHubba]

I enjoy watching porn with girls who do too.....much more fun

 

[Rod the bod]

I broadly agree with virginjohn. Unless you are very self possessed or simply more mature your expectations of sex and relationships are very suggestible. If you are exposed to any particular 'norm' you will see it as the only way to go/be. These norms are never single in a society like ours and it is the conflicts and contradictions between different norms and between those norms and our individual drives that cause us the most difficulties as individuals and as a society. The other thing is that most porn is like watching the highlights of sport. It is a series of, well shots on goal and the broader drama of the build up is totally absent. Having said that it is also true that 80% of any art form is crap and the issue is finding the really good stuff - which most people and most young men for example will probably not understand, look for or recognise when they see it. Probably the pest porn I know is from the French company Dorcel. I think a definition of good porn might be something that you can watch with a lover and which gets you both turned on - so ultimately it is an intimately subjective measure.

 

[Rod the bod]

Correction I don't agree with virginjohn but with the article

 

[Bartdude]

Porn has absolutely changed and/or hijacked our overall sense of sexuality.

Just like excessive violence and disturbing content in movies and TV have changed our internal responses to those things.

And how reality TV has skewed our sense of entertainment.

My big worry is that porn and SP's will warp my sense of what a normal sexual relationship is like. The internet is an extremely dangerous innovation is this regard, IMO.

 

[lenny]

"How porn has hijacked our sexuality"

I believe porn has made my sex life much more exciting than it could have ever been
without it.

After being without it after being in Thailand for a few months, i can't wait to return
to civilization and whack off to the oceans full of internet sites.

Through experiencing a lot of variety of both "escort" and porn sex i feel that both
have been enhanced by each other.

 

[lenny]

Similarly, saying that 20 minutes of pumping is too much? Give me a break, not if the girl is actually wet and aroused. Maybe for a girl who doesn't actually like sex and is dry as sandpaper, but I haven't had a girlfriend yet who would think that 20 minutes is too long.

IME with "escorts" it depends on the lady. For various reasons she may not wish to go for 20 minutes. Maybe she is dying for a fix.

In Asia i found most could last longer than that, and plenty of those could go as long as i wanted to, for 1 to 3 hours nonstop. One, who could have been mistaken for Shay Lauren's twin sister, even said i could do her all day and night.

I don't know if any of these ladies were "wet or aroused". On occasion they were even sending text
messages or talking on the phone during the "act". I guess with my little weenie in them it may have
felt like there was nothing there, which might make it easier for them to last longer.

 

[virginjohn]

Just what part of it was "bizarre and delusion" to you, VrginJohn?

The fact that she can not distinguish between sex as a physical act and love as an emotional state. If the two coincide then you are lucky but by no means it is the norm nor should you expect it to be.

 

[lenny]

The problem with pornography is that it normalizes that which is a minority preference for many women.

I don't see a problem with that in and of itself. If it improves their quality of life
or sex or makes them happier.

BTW sometimes things are a "minority preference" only because society has force
fed upon them what people don't really want. I can't speak for women, but i think
variety would be the spice of life for most men in a position to enjoy it. Such as
with the Kings of the Old Testament.

That’s all you see in pornography. You never see anybody say, “Let’s hold, let’s kiss, let’s do all of these things.” Everyone in pornography wants it as hard and fast as possible.

I am going to disagree with this out of context remark. Some of my favorite porn,
for an example, is lesbian french kissing videos. There is lots of holding, caressing
and massaging there.

http://www.hunt8.com/niches/kissing.php

Furthermore a ton of porn is just pictures, so there is nothing "hard and fast"
about that.

Or, to use another example, fast blowjobs make my head dizzy just watching them.
I prefer to see a woman's big fat lips moving slowly, massaging the head.

 

[virginjohn]

Virginjohn, the fact that you find this article "seemed bizzare and outright delusional" is rather telling.
Can I guess that you are a younger man who's grown up with porn being a huge contributor to how you view sex? I read the article and found it made many valid points.

When many of us more mature ladies and gents grew up, 'blue' movies existed, but they were not viewable at home.. you had to go to some dumpy scummy theatre to see them. I never knew anyone who went to one.
Playboy was around and so was Hustler and Penthouse. They had beautiful pictures of lovely ladies in varying degrees of sexually evocative poses.. but no, they didn't have sex in these pictures. These magazines were considered really super taboo in a family setting and getting your hands on a magazine like that would be a huge score for a teenager. Many kids used to find their best resource was National Geographic! Pictures of naked African tribesmen and women were so interesting!

If you wanted to see some real sex photos, you had to dig deep for them, I think they actually were illegal due to decency laws. We basically had to use our imagination when we looked at naked pictures. We just dreamed about what it was like to kiss those gorgeous breasts.

So how did we learn about how to have sex? We hopefully went through the steps with someone who we cared about, without any freaking idea what we were doing.. At all!!! We were clumsy, confused, embarrassed and nervous! We took our time finding things that felt good for both of us, without any preconceived notion of how things were supposed to be. Because we did it this way, we were a lot more likely to find out what we really liked, rather than just accept that the only way to have sex was the way other people do it in front of a camera.

Today we meet young men who have no appreciation for really slow beautiful connection... For them it is all about the view, the rawness and getting in all the positions and hitting a new record for ejaculatory distance. Not that this is a bad thing- I love the raunchiness of hardcore just as much as I love other sexy ways of being, and this work brings to me all kinds of men who enjoy all kinds of things.

I think it's a bit sad, however, that the young people out there don't seem to understand that a great deal of enjoyment can be had by relaxing with someone and savouring the deliciousness of each nuance of eroticism. They often seem like they are on some kind of frenetic mission. The arousal phases for women begin with slower seduction, soft touching and kissing.. it is the way we are wired to get our pussies wet and ready for sex. I do note that there are many ladies who prefer not to see men under 25 or 30, and I am quite sure this is a huge part of the reason why. Getting really into having sex with someone is so much nicer when you take time to connect with sensual foreplay.

Personally I hope to change the way some people view their sexuality.. that they can be different than they were yesterday, and that they can enjoy new ways of expressing themselves sexually. I am not saying there is anything wrong with the way they are, but that it might enrich their lives to open their acceptance of other ways to experience life. Stop and smell the roses

I am happy there are so many ways to enjoy sex!!! I love it hard and fast and soft and slow.. and everything in between. So bring it on, boys!

xoxo
Nina

Look Nina I am all for having a discussion about the effect of porn on the society (I posted Cindy Gallop's video from TED if you remember) but this person in the interview so intellectually messy that it is hard even to decide where to start. Anyway here several of my objections:

(1) Having sex with someone does not require an emotional attachment. The interviewee completely ignores this fact and pretends every sexual act should be a part of a loving emotional bond.

(2) In the interview different types of porn are not distinguished. The real game changer in the previous years has been amateur porn. Right now every couple can upload their video and this has been a serious blow to the professional porn industry because now they have to compete with somebody who does not charge!

(3) Also she lost me when she brought up the fact that 11 year olds are watching porn. If an 11 year old is consuming a product that is intended for adults only it is not the fault of the producer, it is rather because someone is a shitty parent. Porn does not need to change, you need to do your job as a parent and monitor your child's activities better. An analogous situation would be a mother suing Molson Canadian because her 10 year old drank 3 cans of their beer and fell off the patio and died. It is just a stupid argument.

(4) There seems also a lot nostalgia for when people were not so exposed to sex. But there was a great deal of other stuff going on as well: abortion was not legal and getting a divorce was hard as hell. In fact her arguments sound exactly like the right wing back in 1960s and 1970s: "easier divorce laws will ruin society", "legalizing abortion will destroy the american family", "widely available birth control will mean endless sex and sodomy instead of productive work for the youth of this country" ...

(5) Finally the type of porn she wants where people hold on to each other, kiss, ... exists. It is called romantic movies! I know that is a little bit sarcastic but then you don't see me talk about how these movies make girls unrealistic about their emotional expectations from men.

Feel free to respond to any of my points!

And to answer your question about myself: the first time I watched porn I was 19.

 

[Cock Throppled]

You completely missed her point.

She's saying porn has had these influences, not necessarily arguing it should be rolled back to something else.

 

[virginjohn]

She's saying porn has had these influences, not necessarily arguing it should be rolled back to something else.

dude she claims to be an anti-pornography activist!

Also do you disagree with any of the 5 points I have made?

 

[Krustee]

I agree with who ever is speaking up there...porn (and coke, which, really fueled the need for porn) have changed our sexual expectations.

I find porn as boring as watching today's stupid cartoons.

There was a movie I watched where the clothes never came off and the actors did nothing more than kiss, but, the tension building up to it had me wet for days...it was 'Pride and Prejudice'....go figure!

You should enjoy this there sweet cheeks!

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[mimi]

Is that all you remember? my cheeks?

 

[Bad Santa]

I consider porn to be "Sport Fucking". Pornstars are athletes and entertainers. We don't have to emulate them and probably shouldn't.

We watch other "Extreme Sports" for the entertainment value. It doesn't mean we're all going to go out and do exactly what they do.

People take everything to do with "SEX" way too seriously! Porn is just entertainment for fucks sake!!!

I wish people would just lighten up!