what to do about a guy who won't take NO

[CalgaryPam]

I am writing in advance , in case some bad stuff pops up about me-actually ,I am mor worried that this guy will try to get me busted or worse !
You see, I saw a client ,a coupleof times-in short ,who doesn't want to play by my rules,gives ultimatums,etc.,. Though initially,the CHEMISTRY was great-my intuition tells me to fear him.He reminds me of my very abusive,dangerous,controling ex-this hardly makes it a comfortable visit !
SO,initially I saw good reminders of my ex-the stuff that got us started-my instincts told me to end things. Despite his(the clients),controling ways,I realize some,maybe alot of my discomfort comes from this guy ,by being so much like my ex. Nonetheless, I feel traumatized. AS nicely as possible,with no blame laid,just explaining the facts, I have asked to no longer see him 2 months ago ! Believe me ,I sense jealousy from him, which scares me and I end up unfairly feeling guilt and unworthiness ! MY self esteem is plumeting.I shouldn't have to go through this in order to accommodate him.
UNFORTUNATELY, HE would not take no for an answer,and I went against myself- He says I have to see him because I made him fall in love. Well on SUNDAY I put my foot down. He's cut off and now I'm scared- i wish I never let him in-he overstepped my boundaries day one ! I must saythough there sure was chemistry in the moment. What a combo, fear and lust !

I explained that seeing him is traumatizing to me- I don't dare to even bother pointing out that he himself ,is manipulative,and jealous- he refuses to accept or respect my wishes, that I'm not obligated to see him. And,why is he trying to make a girlfriend out of a "professional"?He wants to show up whenever it suit s him-sometimes hours late ! DICTATING TO ME WHAT I CAN DO IN MY BIZ!!!!

IN a nutshell I have spent the last 3 months uncomfortable in order to accomodate him,have explained to him how this affects me and HE claims love while having no regard for my boundaries!!!! JUST LIKE MY EX!!!!

SO I sure hope he moves on without being vindictive- again I SHOULD HAVE STUCK TO MY GUNS AND NEVER LET HIM IN !!!I can be such a pushover.

I have found as a result of not being trueto myself,a peculiar turn has occured: IN THE LAST three months, MANY clients-regulars-good regulars
are disregarding my hours of business and calling at ANY hour! I then get grief over not being available! NICE !!!.

Looks like I should go back to the studio environment where lines and boundaries are clearer. It really sucks being disrespected'controled and manipulated !
Being a major people pleaser Makes it really hard for me to say no.
Anyway, I feel better for venting,and lets hope this guy doesn't start a smear campaign.
Expect me to go on a holiday this coming month- school was tough but not as draining as the guy who won't take no. I AM SHAKEN UP TO SAY THE LEAST!!!
And since I am such a suck I feel bad for this guy- I won't comprmise myself anymore !

LOTS OF LOVE
pam

 

[calmilkman]

like i said if you need any help or anything you have my #.your a fantastic lady and should be treated that way..willing to help if you need it...take care..the milkman

 

[Quarter Mile'r]

Holy crap!, Pam I always hate hearing stories like this and sorry to hear you got involved with a possible nutcase like the one you mention.
You did the right thing sweety to cut this guy off at the knees, there's not much alternative to what you did for your safety and well being, it's the only thing you could have done for now.

You gotta be more ascertive babe when you sense a guy is starting to
cross over your boundaries of comfort, best to hit it right away so they
get the message.

Now, why aren't you located in Van area so you can see nice guys like
me !! You wouldn't be writing stories like the one above.

Best of luck girl I hope you don't have any problems with this/these guys
in the future. Also, do you know if this guy has done the same with other
girls? If so, a bad date watch report in the neighbourhood watch section
might be in order.


...........QM'r

 

[johnston1976]

If you have trouble standing up for yourself and saying no, then you might want to rethink being in this industry.

And now you've just gone and let the whole PERB world know how vulnerable you are and that you're a total pushover.

You need to put out an image of being strong and tough so that people won't walk all over you. I would edit this post if I were you so that you don't get taken advantage of even more.

Maybe a massage parlour or incall agency would be a safer, healthier environment for you.

No offense meant at all, just very concerned about how you're conducting yourself.

 

[CalgaryPam]

Thanks for your input- BUt I know that I have trouble with this particular type of guy- 99% and I'M BOSS ! I owned studios in the past and definitely its easier to be in charge ! in fact this type usually doesn't go near studios

I don't think that my post will attract trouble- BUT I appreciate the thought- It sure is nice to know there are LOTS of nice guys out there, and, it seems you don't know me -if you did I don't think you'd suggest that I can't handle the biz- I have a stellar rep- like I said ,THIS PARTICULAR TYPE OF GUY IS THE PROBLEM- not only for me-for ANY GIRL-THESE dudes are control freaks that don't take no!!!!

Thankyou
PAM

 

[visiting]

I feel better for venting, and lets hope this guy doesn't start a smear campaign.

Pam, Sorry for your troubles, hope the guy gets the picture, may want to consider getting some kind of a restraining order, if continues.

But on a more positive note... I am thinking a "smear" campaign with you, may not be that bad....... as I see your lips..... hmmmmm

 

[gravitas]

If you have trouble standing up for yourself and saying no, then you might want to rethink being in this industry.

No offence, but you might want to shut the fuck up.

A couple of things in reply to your inane post. One, its not like Pam has just started in the biz so why should she quit. Two, yes she's opened herself up and shown some vulnerability by posting this information but that can IMO work to her advantage. With the well wishes and advice she's received it may make the asshole rethink his actions and back away before he crosses the line and the police need to get involved.


I've known Pam for ~6 years (christ, can't believe its been that long since I first tapped your delicious hiney) and can say without doubt that she's not the push over type. She's a very capable woman who knows the ins/outs and pros/cons of this business and I applaud her for keeping us boys happy for this long.

As for what to do with the control freak. Since it seems as though he doesn't understand the concept of boundaries or the word no its time for you to definitively let him know that this behavior won't be tolerated and that if it persists you'll contact the police. My advice with this course of action is that if you tell him you'll call the police you actually follow through. Hopefully he'll take a hint and back off, if not you're going to be in a much better position to have the police assist if they have knowledge of prior acts. I completely realize that you're in a difficult position given your working arrangements but if it comes down to a bylaw violation vs. being assaulted go with bylaw. Don't let him use the fear of you being busted to let him get away with this bullshit, turn that tactic around and use it against him.

And if all this good advice fails we'll have stryker pay him a visit

 

[hitrack]

To bad this guy wasn't more like me when it come to chicks. I don't fight a losing battle, if she don't wanna be with me then I don't wanna be with her.

I have neither time nor patience for anyone to sort shit out or lose old baggage and memories of old boyfriends/ex's.

I'm not controling, as a matter-o-fact I sometimes play to cool and a potential mate may take it as a sign of not caring.

No offense to NB, but if I were buddy I'd say c-ya and move onto a new chick in which has no x's for me to remind her of.

 

[chilli]

No offense Pam but it seems in this case as though you may have crossed the line between business and pleasure yourself.

As far as what to do... have a large male friend or hire someone to come to your place, when u know nut job is coming over and have big burly guy answer door.

Make sure big burly guy can take care of himself.

Ask big burly guy to have a little "chat" with this idiot.

Should solve your problem.

 

[necko]

When did u go to the police?

 

[westwoody]

Don't ever blame yourself! Guys like this are very skilled manipulators and can con anybody they set their sights on-including those who try to put the blame on you. But as gravy says, if you threaten to call the police, you have to actually do it or he will really think you are a pushover.
Do not have ANY contact with him-no meeting to talk things over, no meeting to serve him with a restraining order. If you let him talk you into "one last meeting" you are letting him take back control of the situation. Sever all contact.

 

[JustAGuy]

Don't ever blame yourself! Guys like this are very skilled manipulators and can con anybody they set their sights on-including those who try to put the blame on you. But as gravy says, if you threaten to call the police, you have to actually do it or he will really think you are a pushover.
Do not have ANY contact with him-no meeting to talk things over, no meeting to serve him with a restraining order. If you let him talk you into "one last meeting" you are letting him take back control of the situation. Sever all contact.

What westwoody said plus maybe work on figuring out why you're attracted to this type of guy and do something about changing what is clearly not a healthy direction for you.

 

[ihatemyskirt]

Invite myself and Becky for a foursome with u and him. He won't bother you again!

 

[luv-em-n-lv-em]

Invite myself and Becky for a foursome with u and him. He won't bother you again!

We have laws against cruel and unusual punishment.