Is going to see an sp for only the purposes of personal sexual gratification whilst already in a relationship something wrong? I know that there are many a girlfriend out there that have no objections to their boyfriends/husbands viewing porn and whackin off to it. Does the girl truly believe that in the end when her guy comes, he is thinking of her and not the hot silicone enhanced, cum covered blonde on the TV screen? Is renting sex from an anonymous sp that much different from renting a dvd at a porn store to make believe have sex with? These issues have been clouding my mind for a very long time now.
I personally have problems in my head and my heart when I see an sp behind my significant others back. Its is absolutely not that I do not cherish her, we have pretty good sex, and I'm pretty sure that one day I will marry her and provide and take care of her for, if possible, her entire life. However.. I can't stop thinking about having sex with other women. I choose to see an sp because I don't want to have any chance of an emotional bond forming between me and the person I'm having sex with. I know that if my girl found out that I had an affair it would hurt her deeply and there would be almost no chance of recovering from it. However, if she found out that I had sex with a chick I didn't care at all for and would never see again, it would be slightly more easy for her to accept. Not that she wouldn't be hurt tho..
Personally I think that humankind was not originally meant to be the way it is today. I think that somewhere in the past 2000 years something got messed up and caused us to evolve into this semi-functional society today. If you look way back to our evolutionary beginnings, our inherent sexuality was quite different to the "norms" of current times.
Look around us, almost all species of mammals in this world are promiscuous. In Charles Darwin's observations, he said that all evolution is based on the survival of the fittest (presuming you all subscribe to Darwin's theories). Survival meaning that if you had the capacity to reproduce more than other competitors around you and had the means to get better life essentials than others (e.g. food, shelter, etc..) then you would be deemed to be better fit to survive. An example of this phenomenon being played out today is how rich guys have legions of hot chicks just waiting to snag them or atleast pass on her pussy to him for a while to smooch off some of his gold.
Love came to be out of necessity. We need love to be able to develop between the male and female because of offspring. The male had to stick around to provide for the mother while she went through her nine months of pregnancy and afterwards to provide for the family to ensure the proper survival of his genes. However, sadly, in time, the love diminishes. I personally believe it is the long attachment between two individuals that will bring them finally to death unto they part, not necessarily because they are still madly in love with each other at grandma and grandpa age. Who knows, maybe that is mature love?
Right up until the 18-19th century or so, most cultures around the world permitted men to keep concubines or marry more than one wife or see prostitutes. It was not until the wholesale introduction of christianity to the "savages" that the notion of marriage-children-family-death came to be. Not to say I have anything against christianity, I would have to say, I am partially christian.. if there is a such a thing. However, I am pointing out that perhaps this prescribed "norm" was not how we as humankind were meant to be like (evolutionarily speaking) You can still see stiff resistance to this today, especially with the growing acceptance of divorce. When was the last time you saw a relatively affluent divorced man re-marry a woman that is similar in age as him? There was a study on this actually, and the findings were that men on average will re-marry with a woman that is 1/2 of the man's age. Makes sense, aside from the woman likely being hotter than his previous wife, she is also more fertile at a younger age to reproduce.
I remember reading this study done in Berkley University about how male and female sexuality differs. Males and females were asked a series of questions regarding what would make them more jealous in various situations. The study found that Men would be most jealous and angry at the thought of his significant other having sexual relations with another man. The females however, got more jealous at the thought of her significant other doing things that curtailed to emotional attachment with another woman. Also, another interesting thing to note in this study is that they compared what kind of partner men and woman would go for in various situations. For sex, men will go for women that are less intelligent and less attractive(hence easier to get in bed). For love, men would prefer women of slightly less or equal intelligence to the man and would seek out the best looker of the bunch(more of a challenge and required longterm investment). Women on the other hand chose for sex, men that are more muscular, good looking (better genes for mating). Yet for love, women settled for average looks if need be, chose more sensitive, caring, and affluent men(better chance for survival).
Men get jealous more if his significant other had sex with another man. This makes sense since the role that a man plays evolutionarily speaking is the provider, protector and caretaker for the woman and his+her offspring. The whole point of this is to ensure that his genes survive to mate in the next generation. I'm sure it is every man's worst nightmare out there to find out one day that the child he was taking care of, paying tuition for, feeding, teaching, etc..etc.. was not of his own genes.
Women get jealous more so if a man had a longterm affair than if he had a one night stand (probably even less if the man saw a sp). Now there is very good reasoning behind the womans feelings. Remember that evolutionarily speaking, humans needed love to develop between the man and the woman to ensure that the man will be willing to share his resources with the woman to raise the offspring. The investment of the woman in the man is her time and her love of course. However, in all practicality it is her time that is more important. Woman have a shorter shelflife than a man, this is sexist I know, but if a woman intends to get married, her pool of available men diminishes in relation to her age. Hence, if a woman today is not married by the time she reaches her 30 somethings, she will find it harder and harder to marry (especially someone she really wants to marry rather than settling). If a woman invests her youth(time) with a man, she MUST know that the man will love (be emotionally attached to her) and share with her his resources to ensure that he will take care of her when she gets pregnant and raises his and her offspring. Therefore the most important commodity (if you can call it that) that a woman wants from her man is the emotional attachment. Having an affair with another woman means that the man now has split his emotional attachment and hence his resources between two women. This is unacceptable because the woman no longer knows if the man will stick with her to raise the offspring. A one night stand or an sp however, is a no strings attached agreement for a set amount of resources. Sure there is a minimal amount of resources involved to see an sp, but after that initial payment, there is nothing else that needs to be followed up on. The woman will be suspicious and hurt, but in the end, will not be bothered (as much) as if she were to find out her man was bringing home a young little homewrecker that he might have to buy an apartment for.
Sure we can argue that birth control, condoms and diaphragms have made this whole urge to reproduce thing obsolete. However, it is not so much our intellect that needs to be satisfied, it is our more primitive instincts that do. No matter how intellectually evolved we are today, we cannot undo thousands and thousands of years of evolution in a few decades.
That is my point of view of the discussion, please all the intelligent folk on Perb, share yours.
I personally have problems in my head and my heart when I see an sp behind my significant others back. Its is absolutely not that I do not cherish her, we have pretty good sex, and I'm pretty sure that one day I will marry her and provide and take care of her for, if possible, her entire life. However.. I can't stop thinking about having sex with other women. I choose to see an sp because I don't want to have any chance of an emotional bond forming between me and the person I'm having sex with. I know that if my girl found out that I had an affair it would hurt her deeply and there would be almost no chance of recovering from it. However, if she found out that I had sex with a chick I didn't care at all for and would never see again, it would be slightly more easy for her to accept. Not that she wouldn't be hurt tho..
Personally I think that humankind was not originally meant to be the way it is today. I think that somewhere in the past 2000 years something got messed up and caused us to evolve into this semi-functional society today. If you look way back to our evolutionary beginnings, our inherent sexuality was quite different to the "norms" of current times.
Look around us, almost all species of mammals in this world are promiscuous. In Charles Darwin's observations, he said that all evolution is based on the survival of the fittest (presuming you all subscribe to Darwin's theories). Survival meaning that if you had the capacity to reproduce more than other competitors around you and had the means to get better life essentials than others (e.g. food, shelter, etc..) then you would be deemed to be better fit to survive. An example of this phenomenon being played out today is how rich guys have legions of hot chicks just waiting to snag them or atleast pass on her pussy to him for a while to smooch off some of his gold.
Love came to be out of necessity. We need love to be able to develop between the male and female because of offspring. The male had to stick around to provide for the mother while she went through her nine months of pregnancy and afterwards to provide for the family to ensure the proper survival of his genes. However, sadly, in time, the love diminishes. I personally believe it is the long attachment between two individuals that will bring them finally to death unto they part, not necessarily because they are still madly in love with each other at grandma and grandpa age. Who knows, maybe that is mature love?
Right up until the 18-19th century or so, most cultures around the world permitted men to keep concubines or marry more than one wife or see prostitutes. It was not until the wholesale introduction of christianity to the "savages" that the notion of marriage-children-family-death came to be. Not to say I have anything against christianity, I would have to say, I am partially christian.. if there is a such a thing. However, I am pointing out that perhaps this prescribed "norm" was not how we as humankind were meant to be like (evolutionarily speaking) You can still see stiff resistance to this today, especially with the growing acceptance of divorce. When was the last time you saw a relatively affluent divorced man re-marry a woman that is similar in age as him? There was a study on this actually, and the findings were that men on average will re-marry with a woman that is 1/2 of the man's age. Makes sense, aside from the woman likely being hotter than his previous wife, she is also more fertile at a younger age to reproduce.
I remember reading this study done in Berkley University about how male and female sexuality differs. Males and females were asked a series of questions regarding what would make them more jealous in various situations. The study found that Men would be most jealous and angry at the thought of his significant other having sexual relations with another man. The females however, got more jealous at the thought of her significant other doing things that curtailed to emotional attachment with another woman. Also, another interesting thing to note in this study is that they compared what kind of partner men and woman would go for in various situations. For sex, men will go for women that are less intelligent and less attractive(hence easier to get in bed). For love, men would prefer women of slightly less or equal intelligence to the man and would seek out the best looker of the bunch(more of a challenge and required longterm investment). Women on the other hand chose for sex, men that are more muscular, good looking (better genes for mating). Yet for love, women settled for average looks if need be, chose more sensitive, caring, and affluent men(better chance for survival).
Men get jealous more if his significant other had sex with another man. This makes sense since the role that a man plays evolutionarily speaking is the provider, protector and caretaker for the woman and his+her offspring. The whole point of this is to ensure that his genes survive to mate in the next generation. I'm sure it is every man's worst nightmare out there to find out one day that the child he was taking care of, paying tuition for, feeding, teaching, etc..etc.. was not of his own genes.
Women get jealous more so if a man had a longterm affair than if he had a one night stand (probably even less if the man saw a sp). Now there is very good reasoning behind the womans feelings. Remember that evolutionarily speaking, humans needed love to develop between the man and the woman to ensure that the man will be willing to share his resources with the woman to raise the offspring. The investment of the woman in the man is her time and her love of course. However, in all practicality it is her time that is more important. Woman have a shorter shelflife than a man, this is sexist I know, but if a woman intends to get married, her pool of available men diminishes in relation to her age. Hence, if a woman today is not married by the time she reaches her 30 somethings, she will find it harder and harder to marry (especially someone she really wants to marry rather than settling). If a woman invests her youth(time) with a man, she MUST know that the man will love (be emotionally attached to her) and share with her his resources to ensure that he will take care of her when she gets pregnant and raises his and her offspring. Therefore the most important commodity (if you can call it that) that a woman wants from her man is the emotional attachment. Having an affair with another woman means that the man now has split his emotional attachment and hence his resources between two women. This is unacceptable because the woman no longer knows if the man will stick with her to raise the offspring. A one night stand or an sp however, is a no strings attached agreement for a set amount of resources. Sure there is a minimal amount of resources involved to see an sp, but after that initial payment, there is nothing else that needs to be followed up on. The woman will be suspicious and hurt, but in the end, will not be bothered (as much) as if she were to find out her man was bringing home a young little homewrecker that he might have to buy an apartment for.
Sure we can argue that birth control, condoms and diaphragms have made this whole urge to reproduce thing obsolete. However, it is not so much our intellect that needs to be satisfied, it is our more primitive instincts that do. No matter how intellectually evolved we are today, we cannot undo thousands and thousands of years of evolution in a few decades.
That is my point of view of the discussion, please all the intelligent folk on Perb, share yours.
How long have you been together DavidLin?If less than 2 yrs you have a genuine concern and you might want to re-examine things. Longer though it could be a case of same old same.Can u bring up including someone else? Maybe bring home videos of such to get her thoughts processing in that direction. It can't hurt to try.I personally would not be able to be with someone if i physically desired someone else. Could be why after a number of serious bf's i'm single
