Open letter to men who buy sex

[*emmanuelle]

Please do not let anybody, least of all a sensationalist journalist, make you feel ashamed of your hobby. You know very well that the overwhelming majority of us Canadian escorts enter into the business of our own accord. Not out of poverty, not out of despair, not out of fear or coercion.

The shame associated with this profession is an archaic societal construct and does not reflect the way we feel about our profession. The vast majority of us love what we do. Many of us escorts could be working in high-paying, prestigious positions, but we CHOOSE to be here, we control our fates.

To have men like Malarek call us “objectified” and “exploited” is an insult. I am a proud feminist AND I am an escort. Oxymoron? Think again. Since becoming an escort, my self-esteem and quality of life have increased exponentially. My life has literally been turned around by the many wonderful men I have met through this industry. I wake up some morning and want to pinch myself, thinking that this life is too good to be true. My only regret is that I didn’t start sooner

 

[*emmanuelle]

You're totally right. When I say "Canadian escorts" I mean girls like me (girls on perb), not AMP girls or drug addicts on the side of the road at 4 am (I can't speak for these girls or their motivations)

 

[midnight]

Hmmmmmmm

Most girls get into prostitution because of abuse as a child and a lot use drugs to self medicate their lives.

Sex is a part of nature, so I dont view it as bad; but one way or another most girls in the business are a victim of society.

Is it going to change? No but sometimes you can make a difference to someone next to you.

Be happy and keep smiling

 

[Valium]

Excellent post emmanuelle. Those sensationalist journalists really have no idea what goes on in this business so their opinions mean fuck all. It's just the same old story, playing on the popular opinion of the masses and perpetuating the same clichéd stereotypes.

The coffee i drink is harvested in Colombia by slave labor, the shoes i wear made by children in Chinese sweatshops. Why should my hookers be any different?

 

[island-guy]

We often see posts from SPs saying that they truely love what they do, etc...

We also see other people in other professions saying that they really love their jobs.

Years ago, I knew a guy who actually did really love his job. He had a corporate job, working in a computer data centre. His job was as a troubleshooter for the corporate network, debugging the routers, using traffic sniffers to figure out where bottlenecks were, maintaining the firewalls etc. At the time he was making maybe $40,000 a year.

One day he won a little over $10 million in the lottery.

He bought a new car ($100,000), and a nice big new house ($400,000) and went on some nice vacations to see the world.

The thing is, he didn't quit his job. He did use up all his vacation time and banked overtime hours and stuff to take fancy trips and go on cruises but he didn't quit his job. He kept going to work full time until he took a retirement package about a dozen years later.

Now that guy REALLY loved his job.

When I think about how much I love my job, I ask myself, what would I do if I won $10 million in the lottery?

I have to admit, I would cut back to only working about one week a month, I'm self employed so I can set my own schedule, but I would keep working that one week a month on average. I might head somewhere nice for 3-4 months of the year (Winter) but on average, I'd work about one week a month. I would be a lot more selective about which clients I took on.

To those SPs who say that they really love what they do, I ask you this:

Would you keep working, even part time, if you won $10 million in the lottery?

 

[susi]

Now it can be said that it is the SP who is doing objectification and the exploitation. Frankly, I agree with this as well. I've gotten to know various SPs and, despite all the pleasantries and nice interpersonal exchanges, what it comes down to for many of them is the almighty dollar. So they exploit the John's weakness for sex and objectify him as not much more than a profit center..

i need to eat, do grocery stores exploit my hunger?

Frankly you'd make any real feminist puke. Feminism is about equality and equity for women. A real feminist is about women being appreciated for being a woman in the whole of it, not for whatever parts men wish to pick and choose as good and discard the rest. A real feminist also tries to ensure that society provides a safe and supportive place for other women, which includes providing for good role models for young girls. They would thus see prostitution as merely adding to the cycle of suppression that women and girls have had to endure for generations.

I see you more as a female chauvinist than a feminist. A chauvinist is someone who either cares more for their own rights than the rights of others, or is blissfully unaware that what they do is harming the rights of others. You're probably the latter, as many SPs who erroneously call themselves "feminists" are wont to do. .

wow, you are an idiot, the feminazis only care about what they think is right for women, personally i don't care what some white bread, rich bitch thinks, all men are not rapists and women who like men are not chauvinists... what the hell buddy? you have been brain washed!

Though you would probably not find this to be a very pleasant post, it's what I believe is the reality. Another piece of reality is that I, like many other guys who post here, despite your finding a few to be "real gentlemen", are in fact all chauvinists too. We happen to like the status quo, that is, women who sell for sex, and the prettier and the more serviceable and the cheaper the better.

Lastly, as for increased quality of life and better self-esteem, these are best left in your judgement and I have nothing to say about it, except that people experience this relative to where they were before.

by the way jesus, didn't you marry a sex worker?

 

[Tabitha]

If i won 10 million would i do this part time?

Sure - i LOOOOOve sex and meting new people and getting what I want in bed . I was always a "slut" and slept with many guys for my own selfish reasons.

I have worked in the adult industry for almost 10 yrs in various aspects (porn , web cam, modeling, fetish videos, performing at nightclubs, domination, adult make up artist )

i have learned MANY skills (web design , photo shop, photography, video editing, ect ect) I have never loved my jobs so much, when i started escorting it was not out of desperation for cash it -was for kinky sex .

I love it and when it became no longer fun then i will say good bye and focus on my other skills. But if you do it because you are a people person and want to not have to then its a wonderful job.


Guys can tell when someone is in it for the money and do not enjoy it - that is really a shame , and when people are exploited and FORCED into it -thats a CRIME-but no one can tell me or other girls like Emmanuel & Nina and others who truly love, it how we feel.

And we feel a great deal of satisfaction making you all feel great. I cant speak for anyone else but no one can all be lumped into the same category

 

[high-end hottie]

ditto

Great post, Emmy--it mirrors my sentiments exactly. I'm sure Victor Malarek is aware of the exceptions to his POV, but since it doesn't fit with the message he's trying to "sell" he quickly shuts down anyone who tries to point out the positive side of this business. There are many, many women who choose to do this because they enjoy it and the idea of being "objectified" or "exploited" is not our experience at all.
His depiction of the "Johns" likewise completely ignores the wonderful, respectful men that we have as clients who are not simply "renting a body" as he puts it.
It's great to bring attention to the terrible situations of those girls/women who are forced into the trade and it would be wonderful to help those people in that situation and give them some other options while bringing criminals to justice. Why Malarek is so insistent on painting everyone with the same brush, I don't know, but his one-sided viewpoint seems to lack journalistic integrity as if he has a personal axe to grind.

 

[cbit]

No opinion

Interesting debate, but I believe it is hard to resolve here.

I am generally a skeptic, and I have often wondered about the many SP's on the boards claiming to love what they do. I think if it were true, it would be absolutely amazing. But I find it tough to make conclusions here, due to the non-objective nature of the boards.

Ultimately, men populate this board to make/get reviews and "get the best bang for their buck", so it seems at some level slightly objectifying.

On the other hand, what are the SP's doing here? Social netoworking, reading reviews, scoping out the competitive environment, and ADVERTISING (getting exposure). Given that the goal is to increase business, I can not imagine an SP coming into this thread and saying, "Actually, I fucking hate this. I have to fuck a bunch of desperate, ugly, overweight, hairy, or otherwise unappealing losers to support my expensive (shoe, clothes, drug, car, etc.) habit. I'd stop this in a heartbeat if I won the lottery." If anyone said this, I can't see it being good for business.

So while some SP's may genuinely feel that way, I think it is quite impossible to resolve that issue here.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[vince_chase]

agree

Frankly you'd make any real feminist puke. Feminism is about equality and equity for women. A real feminist is about women being appreciated for being a woman in the whole of it, not for whatever parts men wish to pick and choose as good and discard the rest. A real feminist also tries to ensure that society provides a safe and supportive place for other women, which includes providing for good role models for young girls. They would thus see prostitution as merely adding to the cycle of suppression that women and girls have had to endure for generations.

I see you more as a female chauvinist than a feminist. A chauvinist is someone who either cares more for their own rights than the rights of others, or is blissfully unaware that what they do is harming the rights of others. You're probably the latter, as many SPs who erroneously call themselves "feminists" are wont to do.

Though you would probably not find this to be a very pleasant post, it's what I believe is the reality. Another piece of reality is that I, like many other guys who post here, despite your finding a few to be "real gentlemen", are in fact all chauvinists too. We happen to like the status quo, that is, women who sell for sex, and the prettier and the more serviceable and the cheaper the better.

Lastly, as for increased quality of life and better self-esteem, these are best left in your judgement and I have nothing to say about it, except that people experience this relative to where they were before.

i believe he is trying to point out as a human being,selling your body or parts of it to fulfill someone else's sexual fantasy does not advance the "true" cause of Feminism.

yes, some SPs will find this profession somehow empowering and give them more self-esteem. however, that is not the same as Feminism.

Personally, i am a realist. when you are having sex for money, it pretty much sums up the relationship between you and the client(s).It is mutual exploitation.It is business - don't try to suger coat it by saying how SPs enjoy it so much they would not do anything else. if that really is the case, lower the price so some of the "really nice"(90% of men) guys can also come and see you "professionals". Or maybe only old rich bald headed man are "gentlemen"?

High -end Indy SPs get into this business because of good money, no education required and no set work schedule.Would SPs still be doing this if your net income is less then $70K/year? i know some social workers make less then $70K/year with masters degree and that is truely a "passion" for the job.

also, when these SPs have a family one day, are you going to honestly tell your daughters that SP is a profession they really should look into when they grow up??

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Everyone is entitled to theyre own views about this topic Victor Malarek has brought upon us. I have to be honest with you, it did get to me and it is making me think about myself a little even though I see Indy's only. Sorry, this is just the feeling I have at this minute and I mean no disrespect to anyone else here.

I thought that interview was way to slanted and unbalanced. Sure he's right about not engaging with under age individuals that goes without saying. As to whether or not woman undertake this activity voluntarily, I probably would have said no a few years ago. Now I know that some certainly do this because they like the type of activity, the adventure, the control and the money. So in this respect they do this of their own free will. Now if they won a lottery would they continue to do it, probably not, but then how many of us would keep working if we won lotteries?

 

[maxx50]

What is his motivation

If Maliry has never been with an escort or sex worker , then real how does he know there opinion on or how every one of them feels . Just talking to the used and abussed , and seeing the under age girls in other countries ,, does not in any way make him some kind of expert on the subject as he would like to make hime self out to be ,, have to ask what was his motivation .. to say that men are the problem and that all women are the victims .
I listen to some of the interview on cbc and i had heard him talk on my local radio staion a few days ago also ,, I do agree with some of the stuff he says about men and the underage sex trade .. but that seems to be all he has to saty .. just one point of view ,, for a journalist that is pretty bios , because he know better.. .
Does he know that people make choses ,,k and that many of the women in this business make a chose to be in it as do the men make a chose to see the ladies , and that prostitution is legal in Canada , and the ladies get licensed by the city , This seems to be some thing that is all ways left out conveniently .
With out exploring all the asect of Prostitution and the good that is does all so .. then i have to put Malory in with all the the rest of the self richious individuals that want to push their belief down every one throat and make other feel guilt if they don;t agree.
I know for one thing that he is not a Catholic or a fundamental Christian because i his solution is using your right hand , neither one of the those regions advocate masturbation ... it is a sin.

 

[Thais]

i believe he is trying to point out as a human being,selling your body or parts of it to fulfill someone else's sexual fantasy does not advance the "true" cause of Feminism.

Feminism is a loaded word with multiple interpretations. I have not taken feminist theory, but I have seen enough debates in feminist circles to see that people who call themselves feminists sometimes stand for radically different things.

There is radical sex-negative feminism that is based on believe that sexual relationships are so shaped and twisted by patriarchy that most sex is, once you look into it closely, rape. Why? Because it is so shaped by men's and not women's expectations that her very ability to give consent is disturbed, and there are always other factors such as economic or desire to be a "good girl" that affect free decision-making. They are usually abolitionists, i.e. they believe that prostitution should be completely eliminated through a combination of law, prohibition, outreach and better work and educational opportunities.

And than there is sex-positive and sex-work-positive positive feminism that claims that a woman is absolutely free and in her right to do anything she wants with her body, including casual promiscuous sex, submissive sex, or selling of sexual services. And that she should never be looked down at for her choices. So to them, decriminalizing and removing all shame or stigma from both prostitution and promiscuity actually does mean advancing "feminism".

And interestingly enough, each view has some compelling arguments to use.

 

[vince_chase]

prostitution

We all got to remember that to be a Prostitute ( I use the word as all encompasing) is not for everyone. Not eveyone can do it, so naturaly for the individuals who can't- they speculate, get frustrated, silently wonder/envey & condem.....it's always gonna be like that.

i do not think people envy or get frustrated about prostitution.
i always think it is halariousto to hear a sex worker thinking that other women envy and are jealous of what they do. In some impressionable young teenagers maybe.The truth is that sex profession is a fringe/niche industry that has been around since the beginning of human civilization.
If it is such a rewarding industry, it would have caught on after the first 1000 years. Even today, only a small percentage of people in our society can claim they do this full time.

The moral majority are more like disgusted/angry - i am not moral majority since i am a pooner.For example, whenever a red light district invades a residential area, the propeprty value drops, people come out and do shame the johns thing....

from a pooner's point of view, it is almost like an addiction - i am being honest, only you truely know how and why you are in this profession.
whatever that reason is - as long as you are happier then you were.

 

[Thais]

More on selling services and fulfilling someone else's fantasy and how internally rewarding it could be (in addition to a nice pay cheque):

"...In reality he looked gross. A hunched old man who didn’t take care of his skin draped in old stained panties is what he really looked like. But I wasn’t there to tell him the truth. I was there to show compassion. As I sized him up I thought to myself “I will never feel shame for being a sex worker.” To Panty Tree I put on my flirtatious smile and told him he looked like a sexy slut.

Seeing Panty Tree’s vulnerability made me realize the value of my work. I was there to fulfill his fantasy yes. But I was also there to validate him as a person and to validate his desires."

http://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/08/18/sex-work-and-compassion-panty-tree/

 

[wess]

I think that might be a bit of a stretch. How about "some". And should men feel ashamed of going to AMP's or paying for SW?

are you fucking kidding asshole ? Are you forced to work for money ? I think so... i think so...

 

[cbit]

Bingo!

Amen Brother! See my post #14...

I'm not passing judgment either way, but I don't see how this forum - commercial by design - can pass as a means for any objective opinions from the SPs on this matter. It simply cannot, regardless of the best of intentions.

No disrespect intended.

This thread reads like a commercial to me. Without validating or invalidating any side of the argument it just strikes me as a chance for the women to tell us how much they love their jobs, which is supposed to be a desirable characteristic for the men who share their company. I mean seriously, would you expect any woman who has chosen this as her profession to tell the men who form a central core of her clientele that she hates her job and would rather not be doing it? I don't think so. That's a bread-and-butter comment that any intelligent SP simply can't make.I think the OP made a very shrewd, and quite possibly very real observation about her own experiences, and that there's a certain amount of peer pressure to either chime in on the same side or suffer in comparison, marketing wise. You either agree or stay silent, but I doubt very much that you'll see any dissenting voices on that issue.

Let me be very clear when I say that I don't mean this as an indictment with respect to the character of any of the ladies in question.

 

[*emmanuelle]

This thread reads like a commercial to me.

Fair enough. When I wrote my original post I knew that at least one person would think it was thinly disguised self promotion. All I can say to that is that there are enough “clients” here in Victoria that we escorts don’t need to reduce ourselves to writing “open letters” in the lounge to drum up business. My only intention in posting was to provide an alternate POV to that of Malarek.

My experience to date has drastically altered my view of the industry. Before I became an escort, I must admit that I did not have a very positive view to pooners or of working girls. In my year in the “biz,” my previously held stereotypes have been completely shattered. 99.9% of the people I have met have been nothing less than exceptional. I have been totally transformed and empowered by the many wonderfully inspirational men and women that I have been lucky enough to meet.

As in any subculture (feminism, environmentalism, etc.,) there are a few bad apples (pooners and escorts alike) who unfortunately give the entire industry a bad name. I think we are all intelligent enough to look past these outliers.

I simply want to commend the wonderful men that make this industry such a pleasure to be a part of and to stress that the vast majority of us escorts are not “victims of society,” but rather happy, healthy and well-adjusted women who truly enjoy what we do.

 

[*emmanuelle]

I see my body as a tool I use to create experiences for people. Experiences that I myself want to have. Could it be that some view this work as a venue for their love of people and sex?? For their love of digging in to themselves to find the perfect woman in them that is exactly what their client wants? This process is extremely rewarding for me. I love becoming a perfect woman for someone who appreciates this part of me. I also love seeing the joy that I bring to people. I love seeing my gentleman leave with a huge smile on his face, knowing I brought to him an experience that was beautiful and satisfying.

Amen Nina!

 

[cbit]

Lecherous wonderful men

I simply want to commend the wonderful men that make this industry such a pleasure to be a part of and to stress that the vast majority of us escorts are not “victims of society,” but rather happy, healthy and well-adjusted women who truly enjoy what we do.

I am not trying to alienate anyone or demean your points, but out of curiosity...Regarding all these wonderful men you speak of, do you ever think about or consider the impact all of this therapy you are providing has on the other side of their lives? The wives, the children?

This is not in any way pushing out blame. These are far too complicated of situations to assess broadly. But I don't think anyone can speak of all this "good" that is being done - the selfless helping of these wonderful, caring men - without considering all the impacts.

Caveat: I am biased as a pooner who loathes himself for what he is doing, especially considering a loving but oblivious family at home.