Since a break up last year I haven’t been able to cum during sex. I’ll get hard and I just can’t. It’s kind of embarrassing. Has masturbation and porn ruined me? I’ve been trying to abstaine from both. Makes me worry, has anyone experienced this? I know it’s all mental. I feel it’ll ruin my relationship with any female I date. Lasting long is one thing, not being able to cum is another. I can cum if I do it myself by hand. Any tips or experiences?
Not being able to cum during the deed but can on my own? Anyone experience this?
- Thread starter lucky85
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You kind of answered your own question. Masturbation and porn can be the culprit. You know your body best and you know all the button and all the pressure and touch you need to arouse yourself to cum with your hand. But during sex, although you are aroused, sometimes the feeling is not the same. For me a big factor is the cover. I almost feel nothing with the rubber on. Having said, that a few times I had a great finish. That makes me think a big part of it is mental as well.
I think cutting down on porn and masturbation could help you get over it. Try abstaining for longer.
This is very common. I think the performance anxiety of being with a new person in combination with your own super skills at pleasing yourself has put you in a rut.. the way to get out is to get super horny by not masturbating for several days, maybe even a week or two. Then get with a person you may have seen before and find you are comfortable with. I'll make a bet you will have no problems!
Good luck and I'd love to know if my advice helps.. keep me posted!
Good luck and I'd love to know if my advice helps.. keep me posted!
Could be, gonna try hard to abstain from it
That and I think mentally I’m trying hard to make it happen but it just doesn’t.
Has this happened to anyone else? I just wanna be normal with it again
Blue Balls, ugh drives me crazy. Usually once a year it happens.
I just take a break for a while like two weeks or so.
No SP's or masturbation and it seems to work for me.
I just take a break for a while like two weeks or so.
No SP's or masturbation and it seems to work for me.
I've found I don't have as much trouble with SPs lately (at least for the first round) as I have in the past, sometimes even if masturbating fairly regularly. It more depends on the woman, the atmosphere, how she looks/feels/sounds/moves with me, etc. I do notice that I'll start to reach the point of orgasm and if I try NOT to cum (since it feels too early or whatever), it'll be MUCH longer before I reach that point again (and maybe not within the time of the appointment). So often I'll just let it go and enjoy the moment and if we go a second time, awesome. If not, well, it may still be a great appointment. (it always feels great TRYING, right? lol!)
I've found diet can also be an issue - I noticed Red Bull beforehand means I take MUCH longer to cum, sometimes not at all.
Take a look at some of the basics of good living: healthy foods, plenty of water/healthy fluids, plenty of exercise, good sleep (this is also one of my challenges due to work/life stresses).
I've found diet can also be an issue - I noticed Red Bull beforehand means I take MUCH longer to cum, sometimes not at all.
Take a look at some of the basics of good living: healthy foods, plenty of water/healthy fluids, plenty of exercise, good sleep (this is also one of my challenges due to work/life stresses).
Limiting/eliminating porn is a great first step, staying 'in-the-moment' can help as well. Maybe develop a very vivid 'highlight reel' of your favorite experiences to get you over the hump (so to speak 
)...and if all else fails, have your date/SP/whatever do herself while you rub one out (it can be very erotic)
)...and if all else fails, have your date/SP/whatever do herself while you rub one out (it can be very erotic)Yup. It's like that feeling you need to sneeze but can't because you're trying.
Keeping the analogy, some people focus on staring at a light rather than thinking about the sneeze, and it helps things along. So, I focus not on where I am orgasm-wise, but to listening to my partner's moans, etc. Enjoy what's happening and forget about "the goalpost".
Beyond that, I don't want to run afoul of the "medical advice" rule for the forums so I'll just say that if you are having trouble relaxing and are succumbing to stress/anxiety over it so to speak, you can also talk to a doctor and they might be able to help.
You can try the easy nofap for beginner route. No masturbation for a week. Then during week 2, you can masturbate once, but use the backs of your hands and don't grip so hard. Try to finish without a hard grip with your hands. Then in weeks three and four, you can masturbate twice.
Then try seeing an SP and see if it helps!
Then try seeing an SP and see if it helps!
Not "ruined"! If it's caused by porn/masturbation, it should be reversible to a large degree, but it may take effort.
First, consider other possible reasons (for example, listed here) - psychological problems can be caused by a number of reasons.
I don't buy into "nofap" theory. It doesn't work for me - after a week of abstinence the body seems to adjust by reducing testosterone production, and that reduces the chances of a successful encounter. Also it can increase the performance anxiety. Also abstinence makes people grumpy.
Humans are trainable. When your body is trained a "wrong" way, why would anybody think that stopping training is the best course of action? No, the advice in any activity would be to continue training the "right" way. My approach is based on Dan Savage's comments on "death grip" in 2002 and later.
I second the Fleshlight advice. In fact, the sensations can be closer to bareback sex, so a more realistic setup is a Fleshlight+lube+condom combination. As often as you like, and don't touch yourself in any other way. This is not too big a sacrifice and may lead to much faster results than abstinence. I'm sure it also could cure many sissies who claim they cannot enjoy sex when wearing a condom.
As for porn, some simulation should be ok if you restrict it to softer kinds (only things that you expect to have in reality). Maybe reduce or mute the sound, just in case you are conditioned to unrealistic moans / dirty talk.
Puntvice: (not worth shite but u never know, my six-steps-to-glory might just work for you).
1) Don’t hand jerk. Duct tape something (fleshlight, tubesteaks, apple pie, etc) to something solid and stationary and get back to hip-bang’in orgasms.
2) 5-7 days abstinence, and pop 1/2 a blue after 2/3 failures.
3) Foreplay. Smootch it up and grind standing fully clothed. Best to build it up and go with the flow. Get horny like you are dating a hot cheerleader you just met.
4) Don’t hold back. If it’s close—Release the Hounds!!! You can spend the remaining 52 mins talking about the best fuks of your life.
5) Female Condoms. Damn straight! Request in advance with an SP that gets it. Relative motion and time dilation are inextricably linked. Get good with it. Pick some up from a pharmacy or clinic. Practice on a watermelon. Seedless—no cheating!
6) Standardize on one fantasy image that puts you over the edge. Like that time she .... It’s OK to replay that one “seminal monent” over and over in your head to get hard and pop.
- Punt
1) Don’t hand jerk. Duct tape something (fleshlight, tubesteaks, apple pie, etc) to something solid and stationary and get back to hip-bang’in orgasms.
2) 5-7 days abstinence, and pop 1/2 a blue after 2/3 failures.
3) Foreplay. Smootch it up and grind standing fully clothed. Best to build it up and go with the flow. Get horny like you are dating a hot cheerleader you just met.
4) Don’t hold back. If it’s close—Release the Hounds!!! You can spend the remaining 52 mins talking about the best fuks of your life.
5) Female Condoms. Damn straight! Request in advance with an SP that gets it. Relative motion and time dilation are inextricably linked. Get good with it. Pick some up from a pharmacy or clinic. Practice on a watermelon. Seedless—no cheating!
6) Standardize on one fantasy image that puts you over the edge. Like that time she .... It’s OK to replay that one “seminal monent” over and over in your head to get hard and pop.
- Punt
When I masterbate to porn too much I also can't cum during regular sex with a girl. I have to quit for 1 week for me to be able to cum again. Quit porn and don't masterbate for at least 1 week. You'll be quite horny in bed and will be able to cum again with a girl.
100% agree with all the above comments - especially regarding porn.
I would also add that masturbating with a condom is a good idea.....at least until things are back on track. Condoms make completion more challenging for a lot of men, and if Jr. isn't used to being suffocated, he is likely to protest when his oxygen supply is cut off, the porn is turned off, and someone other than Palmala Handerson is taking over.
I would also add that masturbating with a condom is a good idea.....at least until things are back on track. Condoms make completion more challenging for a lot of men, and if Jr. isn't used to being suffocated, he is likely to protest when his oxygen supply is cut off, the porn is turned off, and someone other than Palmala Handerson is taking over.
