The Porn Dude

I'm a pervert

georgebushmoron

jus call me MR. President
Mar 25, 2003
3,127
2
0
55
Seattle
imrokhaard said:
Ring…ring…

Mr. Kalel: “hello”

RBC Bank: “Mr. Kalel?”

Mr. Kalel: “yes?”

RBC Bank: “Mr. Kalel…our records indicate that you and Mrs. Kalel have been delinquent on the mortgages for both your principal residence and your rental property…”

Mr. Kalel: “…well, yes…but I couldn’t help it…I lost my job, and my mother was diagnosed with cancer…”

RBC Bank: “We understand Mr. Kalel. In this business we’ve seen numerous people find themselves in these types of unfortunate situations all the time. We completely empathize with you and we’re sorry to here about your mother. If there is anything in our power that we can do to help make your situation easier, then you and Mrs. Kalel are certainly free to ask. We are there for you.”

Mr. Kalel: “Yes…well, I haven’t been able to find employment yet. I will need your help in deferring payment on our mortgages until I find work…”

RBC Bank: “Well, Mr. Kalel…that’s why we called. As you are aware, the delinquency of these mortgages is an unacceptable situation, however, we have come up with a unique proposal that may work out for all involved. Would you be interested to hear it?

Mr. Kalel: “Well of course!!! What are you suggesting?

RBC Bank: “Well, we wouldn’t want to foreclose on your properties…particularly since you have a hundred thousand or so in equity…”

Mr. Kalel: “NO…NO…DON’T FORECLOSE…”

RBC Bank: “No, Mr. Kalel…don’t panic. You see Mr. Kalel…there is a group of us at the bank here who are closet perverts, we’ve seen you and Mrs. Kalel in at the counter a few times, and we have recognized that in order to save your properties this may be a uniquely opportune time for us to ask if you…”

Mr. Kalel: “WHAT?!?!? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING???…MY WIFE?!?!?”

RBC Bank: “Whoa…whoa….whoa…slow down a moment and give me a chance to make our full proposal, Mr. Kalel. You don’t have to worry too much about your wife – you see, there are only a few of us in here that are actually into women and the three of them are actually pretty gentle creatures…”

Mr. Kalel: “ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY WIFE HAS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU TO SAVE OUR PROPERTIES?!?!”

RBC Bank: “No Mr. Kalel, that isn’t what I was going to say. Before you cut me off, I was going to say that in order to save your RENTAL property, we would like your wife to take on the three of them at one time, maybe three or four times all told. We think that that would be fair to cover the mortgage payments missed on that property…”

Mr. Kalel: “AND YOU’D STILL TAKE OUR HOME?!?! YOU WANT US TO AGREE TO THAT AND YOU’D TAKE OUR HOME?!?! YOU DON’T HONESTLY THINK THAT…”

RBC Bank: “Well no…we’re giving you an opportunity to save your home too, Mr. Kalel. That’s where you come in. You see, we have some very well endowed, bi employees who haven’t had much success in finding men that can accommodate them…”

Mr. Kalel: “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?! YOU ARE A BANK!!!! HOW CAN…”

RBC Bank: “Don’t worry so much, Mr. Kalel. We’ve got all the bases covered to make this as workable as we possibly can. We recognize that you might not normally partake in this activity. Therefore, we’ve even approached the services of a provider who will help us ease you into things. Anita has a lot of experience with first-timers, and we’ve asked if she can bring us a number of toy aids that will allow us to graduate you to a point where you can easily accommodate our very large boys here. She even said that she can bring in her special occasion 400 cubic inch, 240 horsepower, 440 pound feet of torque, gas-powered ASS HAMMER with the GI Joe Kung Fu Grip…”

Mr. Kalel: “YOU’RE A BANK…HOW CAN YOU GUYS EVEN DREAM OF MAKING A PROPOSAL LIKE THIS?!?!?”

RBC Bank: “Well, as luck would have it…one of the boys is a member of PERB, and he saw a topic on the board that you replied to that was very similar to our situation here. He kinda figured that you might be open to this kind of suggestion…”

Mr. Kalel: “OK, OK, OK…I’ll approach my wife then!?!? I guess I don’t have much choice…”

RBC Bank: “No you don’t, Mr. Kalel” (dude turns to the boys and gives them the thumbs up)

Mr. Kalel: “When do you need to know?”

RBC Bank: “Come by the branch this afternoon. We’ll be waiting anxiously”

Mr. Kalel: “Is that it?”

RBC Bank: “Oh, yeah…one other thing. Don’t forget to bring a picture of your son. He’s kinda cute too. And thank you for your business, Mr. Kalel. We do really appreciate your patronage and we are glad that we have been able to offer you a proposal that may help your family out of this rather unfortunate situation. We do think of our organization as being a foundation of a healthy community. Take care and see you later!”
That was funny, and it took brains. You should post more often.
 

kalel

Member
Sep 16, 2006
668
10
18
why did you guys assume i'm a lawyer? i'm in the medical field. so when your health gets fucked up whether it be from personal choices or things out of your control it's me and my colleagues who help "restore you".

imrokhaard:

MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE ON WHO WE HELP.

and maybe you should curb your self righteous tone. it's hypocritical that you seem to deny me the very freedoms that you argue so hard for - freedom of choice and freedom of expression. so you don't agree with me, move on numb nuts. my lack of respect for the lazy extends to everybody who shows the trait regardless of color or race (and that includes my people as well). i know nothing of the tenant in the original context in this thread and i've made that clear in past posts. i've also stated that i don't care because it's not gonna enhance or retract from my life in anyway. you seem to be hell bent on showing people what an immoral act it would be and how you seem to be above anybody who's immoral. good for you - i wonder who's gonna play the role of you when disney does a movie of your life.....
 

PeterLongwood

New member
Jul 23, 2006
598
0
0
Slurry
agreed.

georgebushmoron said:
That was funny, and it took brains. You should post more often.
I have to agree with GBM on this one. This was one of the best posts I've read in a while. Whether or not you agree with the author, it's witty, articulate and follows a developing theme.

PLW
 

kalel

Member
Sep 16, 2006
668
10
18
imrokhaard said:
Let me guess...you're a...PSYCHOLOGIST?!?! PSYCHOTHERAPIST?!?! I KNOW, YOUR A PEDIATRICIAN!!!! THAT'S IT!!
guess again. think closer to surgery.

and btw, i've gotten away with ALOT in my life. probably because i just want it more than the next person, but most likely because i'd rather win at any cost than to be like you and have an excuse for losing.
 

lenny

girls just wanna have fu
May 20, 2004
4,101
76
48
your GF's panties
What if the dame would be happy to have sex with him for the rent?
Then it would be a shame if the landlord didn't subtlely suggest this
as a possibility, since otherwise the opportunity for her may be lost.
She is a big girl, not a 5 year old, so she can decide for herself, just
as she may have made the moral choice to this point in her life not
to sell her body, unless she is indeed a prostitute. Now if she is also
a drug addict and/or mentally handicapped, that may complicate the
issue ;
 

JustAGuy

New member
Jul 3, 2004
1,054
4
0
79
Manitoba
kalel said:
and btw, i've gotten away with ALOT in my life. probably because i just want it more than the next person, but most likely because i'd rather win at any cost than to be like you and have an excuse for losing.
You sound like an absolutely wonderful person to know. I'm so distraught that I don't. :rolleyes: Oh, and a great role model too. Don't let me forget to mention that. And when you're on your deathbed, you'll be able to proudly think back on all the people you screwed along the way and chant to yourself "I won! I won! I'm a winner!". I'm sure it will be comforting to you.
 

PeterLongwood

New member
Jul 23, 2006
598
0
0
Slurry
win at any cost?

kalel said:
guess again. think closer to surgery.

and btw, i've gotten away with ALOT in my life. probably because i just want it more than the next person, but most likely because i'd rather win at any cost than to be like you and have an excuse for losing.
It must be very comforting to be so certain that you know what it means to "win". But, what if "winning" isn't the end result, but rather the experiences you rack up in the process? What then? Who's the "loser" then?
 

EXECUTIVEGUY

New member
Oct 25, 2006
10
0
0
mustangjoe said:
So I have a tenant in a rental property of mine and her Nov 1st rent cheque bounced. Now this chick is smokin' hot. (I'm a perv, and I only rent this place out to hot chicks, lol) So being the perv that I am, I want to fuck her a few times in lieu of getting paid. How do you suppose I go about bringing this proposal up without being kicked in the groin or getting sued for sexual harassment?
Really bad idea on so many levels! If she's behind in her bills, she's probably a little lost and unstable. Her approaching you is one thing, but approaching a young girl under undoubtable duress is highly risky "come back and bite you in the ass" behavior my friend...
 

necko

New member
Feb 26, 2005
1,223
0
0
73
Republic of Burnaby
Theres lots of tail out there Bud, I know what it is about this women, shes hot, do u think she'd look at u sideways if it wasn't for this fucken rent cheque, She should be out on her ass by now, or u should have her rent in the bank.This thread should should be over or rather have died.
 

Sweetiepie

New member
Sep 7, 2005
230
0
0
lenny said:
What if the dame would be happy to have sex with him for the rent?
;
If the "dame" was happy to have sex with him, if she's mature and has her act together, then she'll bring it up. She doesn't have to wait for him to bring it up. The guy bringing it up would be interpreted by most civilian women as a threat and, I suspect, by many sp's as a threat as well. Given that the landlord has the key to her apartment, the "offer" of having sex with her is not something to take lightly. Its intimidating, scary and just plain wrong to even suggest it, as the kind of guy who would be crass enough to suggest it under those circumstances is also the kind who would break into her place to do what he wants anyway. Or at least that's how many of us females would see it. So, if you want to scare her into having to find another place that very night to stay cause she's worried your going to come arond and rape her, go ahead and ask. (I think the OP knew this already, that's why he raised the question rather than just doing it)
 

necko

New member
Feb 26, 2005
1,223
0
0
73
Republic of Burnaby
Sweetiepie said:
If the "dame" was happy to have sex with him, if she's mature and has her act together, then she'll bring it up. She doesn't have to wait for him to bring it up. The guy bringing it up would be interpreted by most civilian women as a threat and, I suspect, by many sp's as a threat as well. Given that the landlord has the key to her apartment, the "offer" of having sex with her is not something to take lightly. Its intimidating, scary and just plain wrong to even suggest it, as the kind of guy who would be crass enough to suggest it under those circumstances is also the kind who would break into her place to do what he wants anyway. Or at least that's how many of us females would see it. So, if you want to scare her into having to find another place that very night to stay cause she's worried your going to come arond and rape her, go ahead and ask. (I think the OP knew this already, that's why he raised the question rather than just doing it)
I really like your name sweetiepie(it sounds very pieish)Your right on the money on this one
 

kalel

Member
Sep 16, 2006
668
10
18
JustAGuy said:
You sound like an absolutely wonderful person to know. I'm so distraught that I don't. :rolleyes: Oh, and a great role model too. Don't let me forget to mention that. And when you're on your deathbed, you'll be able to proudly think back on all the people you screwed along the way and chant to yourself "I won! I won! I'm a winner!". I'm sure it will be comforting to you.
you seem to forget that winning doesn't have to be just me. winning for me also includes saving lives, and helping family. sometimes teaching a patient to cope without medicine or chemicals is winning for me. sometimes winning means throwing out the rulebook instead of following it in order to ensure the patients best interest. i just have very little tolerance for those who don't want to help themselves.

btw, i do just fine in the friends dept. in fact we're all booked up now so new applicants will have to take a number :)
 

kalel

Member
Sep 16, 2006
668
10
18
think about it if and when you need surgery and it's me or my colleagues who you rely on to get the job done. maybe you can refuse it because singing praises about freedoms of choice and equality and morality will be enough to cure you.

you're a moron if you think i'm the disease. i don't condemn everybody cuz there are alot of hard working people who unfortunately have health problems. then there are those who make choices in life which lead to health complications and they should have known better.

it's funny how you're so worked up about disagreeing with me that you have to resort to disrespecting what i do.

<<<<You and your attitude are the reason why this world, and so many people in it, are sick. Get a clue.>>>>

when you get sick do you blame me for it? i hope you do and if i was actually the reason i'd keep you sick for the rest of your life just to illustrate a point.

it's clear you are not going to agree with me or even see eye to eye. and that's fine. i don't agree with alot of the decisions made by the admins in the field, but i follow them. add to that the fact that i've studied alot about building and maintaining the body from a physical and nutritional perspective and can help alot of people live good lives without medicine as well (not alot of doctors can say that). but the patients have to be willing.

maybe when you're lying on your bed diagnosed with something terminal you'll think differently. me and my attitude will do just fine, i never denied you the freedom to express yourself nor did i attack your words or you as a person until you did. so when you're done bashing my profession, my attitude, or my views, you can look in the mirror and see somebody who exhibits the the very qualities you despise. and if that doesn't work then you can jump off a bridge - one less asshole to worry about.
 

lenny

girls just wanna have fu
May 20, 2004
4,101
76
48
your GF's panties
Sweetiepie said:
If the "dame" was happy to have sex with him, if she's mature and has her act together, then she'll bring it up.
I'd bet otherwise. Much more likely she'd be too shy to make the first move,
even if she is ready & willing. I certainly don't bluntly proposition every
women i encounter that i'd like to bang. If i were the landlord i'd toss out
the hook by inviting her over & discussing my perbian activities & see if the
lady takes the bait. If not she is either not hungry or a blond.
 

expo joe

New member
Nov 29, 2002
368
0
0
So..................MJ,

What's the verdict?

Cheers, Expo
 

sdw

New member
Jul 14, 2005
2,189
0
0
lenny said:
p.s. if the above strategy fails, & she is Blond, go to Plan B.

Invite her to move in with you, till she gets on her feet.
If she can stay a couple of months, she'll be the new owner. It would be cheaper to give Ava or Julia a call.
 

kalel

Member
Sep 16, 2006
668
10
18
wow, i should feel priveleged now. looks like you put some time effort into this. i'm sorry but i can't justify giving you anymore time or effort.
 
Vancouver Escorts