Punt’s Ten Steps to Glory:
Step 1. Search the ads until you find 3 gals who’s pics and descriptions get your dinger dancing.
Step 2. Type the last 4 digits of their phone number into the Perb Search function. If that doesn’t hit, try their name if it’s at all unusual or spelled weird.
Step 3. Read their reviews with a keen interest and an objective eye. No reviews? Leave TOFTT to someone else if you’re a Newb. Read multiple threads if they are there. Do your research—Buyer Beware.
Step 4. Make a decision, and embolden yourself to live happily with the results regardless of the outcome. Damn the torpedoes, full poon ahead!
Step 5. Call or text the Lady. BE RESPECTFUl. Be honest and forthright. Be a GENTLE MAN. No “hey-babe, you wanna get lucky tonight” shit. No No No. Have a civil, respectful convo. Tell her truthfulfully what you wish for, and what caught your attention in her ad. Don’t asume she is a mind reader. Tell her what you want, and see how she responds. Trust Your GUT! If it feels right, Bookit Dano. If you get the heebie jeebies, bail.
Step 6. Prep like it’s the hottest date of your life. Shave, shower, brush, trim, have a good little guy time to yourself. Leave on time. Send a courtesy text or follow her instructions to the letter. Be the Good Guy. But have a backup plan in case she’s a flake, life gets in the way of your date, etc., etc. More than 30 mins delay or non-contact past scheduled session time is a huge red flag. Danger Will Robinson! I’d recommend an agency or massage studio for a flake contingency plan, to fulfill that squishin mission and relieve that packin package. But go in with the best of hopes and intentions.
Step 7. Relax, enjoy, happy hump day dude. Look at you go Buckaroo Banzai.
Step 8. Thank her for the experience, savour the best moments a few times in your mind. Be grateful for all life experiences.
Step 9. Treat yourself. High five your dash board. Grin from ear to ear in the rearview. Woop out a good BooYa Baby! Celebrate with a scotch, IPA, Tequilla Shot, or whatever floats your boat.
Step 10. Review on Perb. Give back to the community. Be kind. Be informative. Be funny or thoughtful if you can.
-Punt.