Can you say you still truly love and/or truly respect a woman if you cheat on her? If you do cheat on her should you confess taking the chance she may leave you? Or is it better not to confess and avoid confilct all together?
MEN: Why Do Men Cheat?
- Thread starter Luscious
- Start date
Luscious, you'll probably get all sorts of answers on this one but here's my take on it and MHO:
1)
Lots of reasons, but how about: partner doesn't like sex but otherwise both of you get along great; if she cheats first, or lies and disrespects the relationship to the point where staying faithful makes the guy feel like a chump.
2)
Yes, but it would be more of an "overall, yes, I still love her" feeling. Obviously the relationship is not ideal for whatever reason, and one partner isn't providing the other all of what they are looking for.
3)
If I was in a committed relationship (which I'm not) I would probably keep it secret.
what i think....
i think cheating is different for everyone, but for guys in particular there seem to be some recurring themes that i have witnessed.
A) They say: "not enough sex drive on the famale partners side". I think: this may, or may not be accurate, as that is ALL about perception, attitude, and their personal willingness to seduce their partners the way they want to be seduced by SP's. I do believe that some men would be surprised by their wifes sexuality if they actually took the time and education to open it up more, and explore it with them...however, what they do or do not do is not really any of my business, as that would only happen in an "ideal world" that we clearly do not live in. point being, some guys just get lazy after being with the same woman for a long time....
B)trophy-ism. yes, i said it. lots of guys are looking for that hot girl to hook up with, to feel like a stud. they validate their manhood through the sex appeal of the woman that they are with.... even if that woman is completely fake or not really into what they are doing as a lot of SP's are not (c'mon, we all hear about the bad ones!).
C)wanting to try things that they would be otherwise afraid to suggest with their partner.... for example, dirty talk, anal play, nurse costumes, etc... etc.... If someone feels that their fantasies are too "dirty" or their partners are too "prudish" they may want to turn elsewhere to let those desires lose.... These guys, I actually admire in some regards. I think holding something that natural back is a sure fire way to turn into a nutcase lol. If something is apart of your sexuality, embrace it and do it safely. Hooray for handcuffs. If your wife hates the idea but you LOVE it, then I say its better that you DONT make the person you deeply care about feel that uncomfortable, and find someone who is comfortable with it instead.... and just be a smart, respectable adult about it. No harm in that...
Aly
i think cheating is different for everyone, but for guys in particular there seem to be some recurring themes that i have witnessed.
A) They say: "not enough sex drive on the famale partners side". I think: this may, or may not be accurate, as that is ALL about perception, attitude, and their personal willingness to seduce their partners the way they want to be seduced by SP's. I do believe that some men would be surprised by their wifes sexuality if they actually took the time and education to open it up more, and explore it with them...however, what they do or do not do is not really any of my business, as that would only happen in an "ideal world" that we clearly do not live in. point being, some guys just get lazy after being with the same woman for a long time....
B)trophy-ism. yes, i said it. lots of guys are looking for that hot girl to hook up with, to feel like a stud. they validate their manhood through the sex appeal of the woman that they are with.... even if that woman is completely fake or not really into what they are doing as a lot of SP's are not (c'mon, we all hear about the bad ones!).
C)wanting to try things that they would be otherwise afraid to suggest with their partner.... for example, dirty talk, anal play, nurse costumes, etc... etc.... If someone feels that their fantasies are too "dirty" or their partners are too "prudish" they may want to turn elsewhere to let those desires lose.... These guys, I actually admire in some regards. I think holding something that natural back is a sure fire way to turn into a nutcase lol. If something is apart of your sexuality, embrace it and do it safely. Hooray for handcuffs. If your wife hates the idea but you LOVE it, then I say its better that you DONT make the person you deeply care about feel that uncomfortable, and find someone who is comfortable with it instead.... and just be a smart, respectable adult about it. No harm in that...
Aly
Confess to Your Therapist or Priest !!!
It always amazes me that some people who cheat are so full of guilt that they feel they need to later confess to their significant other. I suppose this is the right course of action if the ' cheater ' wants to inflict real pain on their partner (such as revenge) which will cause strife and or potentially end the relationship. If one truly loves their partner then it seems only proper that they bear the burden of their indiscretion and keep it to themselves. Or, if the cheater is confused as to their motivation for being unfaithful and they want advice I think it is best to seek help from a third party who will keep the matter confidential.
I think there are many reasons why people cheat on their partner. It could be to compensate for something that is missing in the relationship , an insatiable sexual drive, variety, insecurity, revenge, hidden or secret desires which may be emabarassing....a million different reasons.
It always amazes me that some people who cheat are so full of guilt that they feel they need to later confess to their significant other. I suppose this is the right course of action if the ' cheater ' wants to inflict real pain on their partner (such as revenge) which will cause strife and or potentially end the relationship. If one truly loves their partner then it seems only proper that they bear the burden of their indiscretion and keep it to themselves. Or, if the cheater is confused as to their motivation for being unfaithful and they want advice I think it is best to seek help from a third party who will keep the matter confidential.
I think there are many reasons why people cheat on their partner. It could be to compensate for something that is missing in the relationship , an insatiable sexual drive, variety, insecurity, revenge, hidden or secret desires which may be emabarassing....a million different reasons.
Cheating is a lake of respect for your partner. Regardless of if you are guy or a girl. So what makes one cheat? When they don't fully respect their partner.
I know this won't be popular, given the number of pooners that are married/in relationship.
Extra Curricular Sex
From my experience hearing from my married clients on why they engage in extra curricular sex there seems to be a number of reasons;
1) Not enough/ No sex in an otherwise happy marriage. Sometimes the marriage is great aside from that. The roots of love go far deeper than sex. Men have their needs and when not released get pent up and grumpy which can cause unnecessary tension in the marriage.
2) Escapism in unhappy marriage Marriage is on the rocks and is probably going to crash. But for whatever reason steps towards a divorce have not been initiated. Done either as a means to reassert ones manhood or as revenge for failings in the marriage.
3) Just a bit of extra experience under the belt. Some people have been married very early and very long without much of an opportunity to have many if any other sexual partners.
4) Different kind of play or experimenting with fantasies Doesn't want to be seen as a pervert or alienate SO to try new things or fulfill kinky interests.
5) Lifestyle Open relationship / swinger lifestyle. Multiple partners are just a way of life and accepted.
6) Addiction to sex or affection Gets plenty at home. But the chronic woody or desire for affection becomes too much to bear from time to time and gets sought out as a fix.
7) Peer Pressure Out with the boys and end up in circumstances where most if not all the other fellas are getting a little something. Either wants to save face, or keep up with the level of fun had by others.
8) Opportunist Doesn't really think of straying till an opportunity to be with a really hot woman is right in front of them. Realize opportunity may not arise again, so goes for it.
From my experience hearing from my married clients on why they engage in extra curricular sex there seems to be a number of reasons;
1) Not enough/ No sex in an otherwise happy marriage. Sometimes the marriage is great aside from that. The roots of love go far deeper than sex. Men have their needs and when not released get pent up and grumpy which can cause unnecessary tension in the marriage.
2) Escapism in unhappy marriage Marriage is on the rocks and is probably going to crash. But for whatever reason steps towards a divorce have not been initiated. Done either as a means to reassert ones manhood or as revenge for failings in the marriage.
3) Just a bit of extra experience under the belt. Some people have been married very early and very long without much of an opportunity to have many if any other sexual partners.
4) Different kind of play or experimenting with fantasies Doesn't want to be seen as a pervert or alienate SO to try new things or fulfill kinky interests.
5) Lifestyle Open relationship / swinger lifestyle. Multiple partners are just a way of life and accepted.
6) Addiction to sex or affection Gets plenty at home. But the chronic woody or desire for affection becomes too much to bear from time to time and gets sought out as a fix.
7) Peer Pressure Out with the boys and end up in circumstances where most if not all the other fellas are getting a little something. Either wants to save face, or keep up with the level of fun had by others.
8) Opportunist Doesn't really think of straying till an opportunity to be with a really hot woman is right in front of them. Realize opportunity may not arise again, so goes for it.
The one word I would add Saraphina is..........variety !
The SP world offers all that.
...........QM'r
The SP world offers all that.
...........QM'r
I think this is probably the biggest one.
Guys who would bang anything that moves thousands of years ago had more kids and spread those traits to them. We are just doing as we have been bred to do.
This poll seems bias
There isn't a choice for "I don't cheat if I am in a committed relationship" or some such thing. Or is the poll about "for those that do cheat speculate on their resons?"
There isn't a choice for "I don't cheat if I am in a committed relationship" or some such thing. Or is the poll about "for those that do cheat speculate on their resons?"
I agree with the others that stated that there isn't enough sex in the relationship to keep me from looking for other avenues of excitement.
sex vs love
Ava, will you marry me
Uber Ava has hit it on the head! There's sex, and there's love. Most people confuse the 2. Having sex is not the same as wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. Although, maybe, you want to sleep with them again. I wouldn't worry about my lover having sex with another man. I WOULD worry about losing her heart.
Ava, will you marry me
I don't cheat. If I'm not happy, I head for the door.
But, from listening to other guys talk, there seems to be two common stories:
1) I wanna have my cake and eat it too.
2) Wifey is a prude/frigid/whatever and won't do whatever it is he wants to do with whoever he's cheating with.
From listening to girls talk, there's also two common themes:
1) I'm looking for my next guy and when I am sure I'll dump my current guy.
2) I'm pissed off at my current guy, so it serves him right if I cheat on him
But, from listening to other guys talk, there seems to be two common stories:
1) I wanna have my cake and eat it too.
2) Wifey is a prude/frigid/whatever and won't do whatever it is he wants to do with whoever he's cheating with.
From listening to girls talk, there's also two common themes:
1) I'm looking for my next guy and when I am sure I'll dump my current guy.
2) I'm pissed off at my current guy, so it serves him right if I cheat on him
I still don't understand why telling the truth is so hard. Initially yes, it can be tough, but in the long run, for the value of a life, any life, it's better to tell the truth. I don't want to die with secrets.
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Dynamic situation... everyone have their reasons
but one thing that is clear is each significant other will have varying degrees of understanding and tolerance on how to handle the news when confronted with the reality their partner have strayed from their matrimonial bed.
I do this purely for sexual enjoyment. Too bad I had to pay for this activity and too bad I wasn't more aggressive when I was younger so I would have had more sexual partners. Now that I am older, I am partaking in something that I enjoy that my wife has less frequent interests compared to me. I still enjoy very much our physical times together but my libido is far more active than hers.
I learned early on that my partner doesn't need to know EVERYthing and in fact, I did confess of an indiscretion with someone I used to work with just after i asked her for her hand in marriage. From there on, I rationalized to myself that my extra curricular activities has no bearing on how I love my family and my wife.
I feel strongly that confession of this nature is a selfish act and the knowledge for my family/wife serves no primary purpose and again, is irrelevant to how I value my family.
but one thing that is clear is each significant other will have varying degrees of understanding and tolerance on how to handle the news when confronted with the reality their partner have strayed from their matrimonial bed.
I do this purely for sexual enjoyment. Too bad I had to pay for this activity and too bad I wasn't more aggressive when I was younger so I would have had more sexual partners. Now that I am older, I am partaking in something that I enjoy that my wife has less frequent interests compared to me. I still enjoy very much our physical times together but my libido is far more active than hers.
I learned early on that my partner doesn't need to know EVERYthing and in fact, I did confess of an indiscretion with someone I used to work with just after i asked her for her hand in marriage. From there on, I rationalized to myself that my extra curricular activities has no bearing on how I love my family and my wife.
I feel strongly that confession of this nature is a selfish act and the knowledge for my family/wife serves no primary purpose and again, is irrelevant to how I value my family.
